Standing Up for Strangers

Hello DV,

It's been a while. I had a bit of an event last night, and wanted to discuss it online so I thought it would be a good idea to come here.
Here's what happened:

I was taking the train last night after work when these two kids (16-18 years old) who looked like they were up to no good got on. Sitting in front of me was a lady in her 40's with short hair, and in front of her a younger lady, maybe 22. One of the guys sat down, while the other one started looking up and down at each of us. He went up to the younger lady and stared at her, she just ignored him. He started trying to get everyone's attention saying stuff like "Oh you think you're too good for me, is that it? Let me sit with you babe" at this point the 40ish year old woman told him to sit down before he got himself or someone else hurt. The guy started calling her names and something along the lines of "I can't even tell whether you're a guy or a girl with that haircut" at which point I jumped in. I said to him he was being disrespectful and to grab a sit and just leave everyone alone. He lost it and started telling me to fuck off, "I wasn't talking to you, you ****ing spic, who the **** do you think you are". I told him he was causing unnecessary trouble, and to again sit down and just leave us alone. He walked towards me so I braced myself to jump at him in case he tried anything. The train came to a stop, and both him and his friend walked towards the exit. He stood at the exit and told me that if I had anything to say to him that I should come outside and say it then, I stayed sitting and said "I'm good" with a smile in my face. He got off and that was the end of it.

I told my girlfriend about the incident and she thinks it was stupid of me to do that because I could have gotten killed, as they could have had a knife, or worse yet a gun. But I honestly think that it was the right thing to do, they were harassing these two women who were minding their own business, and if no one stands up to these people they will just keep doing it and who knows how that could end.

What do you guys think?

I think it's brave of you, not stupid. If they did have a gun or a knife, then they could have tried using it on that young girl. I know if I was in the young girl's situation I would feel relieved for the back-up. At the same time, I personally tend to err on the side of caution when speaking up to those kinds of people because they clearly are trying to instigate a scene and get attention. Thus I feel that confronting them gives them exactly what they want and they win and feel triumphant. Then again, not saying anything could make them think they can get away with anything. It's hard to know how to handle those types of assholes. But I applaud you, I think ultimately you did the right thing.

I work in retail and it has certainly made me a lot more open to standing up to people. I have to stand up for other people when certain customers are terrible and this has translated into my regular life. As Luna said, I don't think it's stupid of you, if they did have a weapon it would have put everyone on the train at risk anyway, including you. The worst thing is when people like that go without having to answer to anyone or think about what they're doing, so they keep doing it.

Letting him think he's wise in doing that cacophony of discordant noise isn't a good thing, nor is retorting in the manner he gives out right back at him; the latter would amplify the horridness of it. (Is that even a word?)

The poor guy doesn't know what he's missing out on in life, I expect. What you did isn't just standing up for strangers, it's standing for what's right; what's strong.

You did what was "right" but remember - "No good deed goes unpunished." Chances are while he was picking on the females nothing physical was going to happen. Maybe some discomforting things for them, but nothing that would have resulted in permanent harm or injury...just words...and words don't break bones or cause you to bleed to death.

HOWEVER...the challenge of another male COULD result in a physical altercation - and guys for the most part (if you're anything like me) go from zero to 100% all-out fight-for-your life violence in an INSTANT once it becomes apparent that that's what is necessary. I'm from New York. That's how we do things here to survive. It's kind of like mutually assured destruction with nukes.

Anyway...I applaud you for your bravery, but if there is a "next time" don't think you're going to get away with it twice. Sadly, in this day and age, the odds are against you.

Maybe in america is dengerousto do think like u did but atleast in my country obviously u can get beat up but its super rarely that someone kill you :D obviously there are some freaks who kill each other but its super rarely

Yeah, gun violence (and violence in general) is at epidemic proportions here in the US. Worst in my lifetime. $%$#ing politicians don't have the balls to curb gun sales and make automatic weapons illegal. Until they do, little will change, I fear. Glad it's better in other parts of the world.

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Originally Posted by DoubleHelix

You did what was "right" but remember - "No good deed goes unpunished." Chances are while he was picking on the females nothing physical was going to happen. Maybe some discomforting things for them, but nothing that would have resulted in permanent harm or injury...just words...and words don't break bones or cause you to bleed to death.

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Words go beyond the physical realm, do you know? They enter dreams. Yes I do believe in not attempting reasoning with some people at some times since they'd swarm me, but other times... Yes, there are times of pointing things out. I don't get to choose them though, that's up for my faith to decide...

Even if what you say is true, on the "damages" scale, insulting words that enter a dream would be pretty harmless when compared to a knife or bullet to the chest. Just sayin'.

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Originally Posted by AndresLD

Hello DV,

It's been a while. I had a bit of an event last night, and wanted to discuss it online so I thought it would be a good idea to come here.
Here's what happened:

I was taking the train last night after work when these two kids (16-18 years old) who looked like they were up to no good got on. Sitting in front of me was a lady in her 40's with short hair, and in front of her a younger lady, maybe 22. One of the guys sat down, while the other one started looking up and down at each of us. He went up to the younger lady and stared at her, she just ignored him. He started trying to get everyone's attention saying stuff like "Oh you think you're too good for me, is that it? Let me sit with you babe" at this point the 40ish year old woman told him to sit down before he got himself or someone else hurt. The guy started calling her names and something along the lines of "I can't even tell whether you're a guy or a girl with that haircut" at which point I jumped in. I said to him he was being disrespectful and to grab a sit and just leave everyone alone. He lost it and started telling me to fuck off, "I wasn't talking to you, you ****ing spic, who the **** do you think you are". I told him he was causing unnecessary trouble, and to again sit down and just leave us alone. He walked towards me so I braced myself to jump at him in case he tried anything. The train came to a stop, and both him and his friend walked towards the exit. He stood at the exit and told me that if I had anything to say to him that I should come outside and say it then, I stayed sitting and said "I'm good" with a smile in my face. He got off and that was the end of it.

I told my girlfriend about the incident and she thinks it was stupid of me to do that because I could have gotten killed, as they could have had a knife, or worse yet a gun. But I honestly think that it was the right thing to do, they were harassing these two women who were minding their own business, and if no one stands up to these people they will just keep doing it and who knows how that could end.

What do you guys think?

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You get that alot here in the UK. I use to be one of them, I use to think I was bigger and better than everyone but the truth was, I was an idiot and immature! The best thing to do is ignore them, ignorance is bliss in these situations because In the end they will get fed up sooner or later! On the positive side, good job for standing up for a stranger, glad to know that there are lots of people out there who care about people they don't known.

Thanks everyone for sharing your opinion. I agree that it is hard to judge what the best decision is, sometimes all they're looking for is attention, other times they might actually be looking for trouble. I live in fairly big city Canada, but it is still a bit rare to run into this type of situation unless you go to the wrong places at the wrong time.