This thread is for all the adventurers out there. Share your adventures you have had, whether crossing a desert, or hacking through a jungle, post them here
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This thread is for all the adventurers out there. Share your adventures you have had, whether crossing a desert, or hacking through a jungle, post them here
I saw a "donkey show" in Matamoros. Highlight of my life...true story. Details upon request.
Well?Quote:
Originally posted by InTheMoment
Details upon request.
Well it all happened back in '94, during my days (in the Army) stationed at Ft. Hood, TX. Three of my buddies and myself travelled to Corpus Christi during a 4-day weekend to do a little partying. On day 2, we decided to cross the border into Mexico and wound up in Matamoros.
We spent the evening bar hopping and getting piss drunk on 25 cent tequilla shooters. It was during this that we stumbled past a gentleman handing out (poorly made) flyers, advertising a "Donkey Show." I had only heard rumors about this, so I definitely wanted to check it out. So I convinced my drunken compadres to go along and we started to navigate the vague map on the back of the flyer.
After about 45 minutes of searching, we found the place...which appeared to be a private residence on the outskirts of the city. There was a group of guys (about 10) standing outside in the front yard...some of them appeared be to US military also.
A middle aged hispanic gentleman led the entire group through the house, by way of the living room > kitchen > back porch > fenced in back yard. It was sort of surreal, cuz as we were walking through the house, there were little kids running around and eating. They seemed so non-chalant about a bunch of strangers passing through.
Anyways, we finally group up in the backyard around this large makeshift table with saw horses as legs and a tarp laid across it. A slightly overweight and very unattractive hispanic female came out in a bath robe and sat on the table. The gentleman that led us in was the only one so far that had spoken English and he also appeared to be the host of this little show.
He asked the audience if anyone wanted to fuck this women. This young and drunk military guy (not one of my boys) volunteered, but when it came to crunch time, he couldn't get his shit hard. Everyone started booing him and making fun, when out of nowhere this older hispanic dude with a cowbay hat walked up and whipped out his willie. In no time he was laying the pepper to this women and in the span of about 3 minutes he was done.
Next, a teenage boy brings out this terrier looking dog, which they coax into licking the women's vagina. Then a different young boy lead a med-size pig out to the table and the women jacked and sucked off the pig for about 5 minutes.
Finally, they bring out the donkey and break down the table. Actually they just shifted around some materials and made sort of an elevated stage out of it. They put the donkey's front legs on the stage and his hind legs were on the ground. One guy was holding the muzzle (bridle) and two other guys each had a hold of one of the hind legs.
The women began to stroke the donkeys sac and before too long his willie began to show. She pulled the massive penis off to the side of the donkey and begin to suck it...well as best she could. She then positioned herself beneath the donkey (doggie style) and backed herself into the donkey.
During this whole time the donkey seemed oblivious to what was happening. He appeared very stoic during the whole process. That was until about 30 seconds of after his penis found its way into this women's cunt. Out of nowhere this donkey starts bucking and neighing. Apparently his penis swole up and the women couldn't get herself unattached.
The 2 guys holding the rear legs let go immediately and the donkey began to buck wildly. The donkey's chest came crashing down on the back of the women's head, slamming her face into the makeshift stage. Blood spewed all over the place, it was obvious her nose had been broken and with each buck of the donkey, she was getting more and more beat up.
Me and my buddies freaked...we looked around trying to find the nearest exit. People were screaming and scrambling around. A few guys ran back into the house, however me and my buddies jumped the fence and ran back around to the front of the house. We walked about 3 miles back into town before we finally found a taxi. ~ The End.
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Holy Crap...sorry for the lengthy post, didn't realize how long it was getting. Anyways that was probably one of the wildest things I've witnessed.
Holy shit! That's quite the story. I'd heard of "donkey shows" before, but was skeptical about whether or not they actually existed. I guess now I know!
the one that readily comes to mind is as follows. one can probably only fully appreciate it if they have ever gone hiking, done a psychedelic, or become frighteningly lost...
it was spring of last year. i wished to go hiking, and do entheogenic mushrooms, but as i was currently without vehicle, i had no means to travel to my hiking spot.
around 2pm my buddy sean got ahold of me, and said he would go for an afternoon hike. around that time of year it got completely dark around 6:30/7, so we could get in a decent hike if we hurried. i threw a few grams into my kraft dinner and ate as i awaited pick-up.
we arrived just before three. it was a glorious day, and we had shorts and t-shirts on, with only water for supplies. we smoked copious amounts of hash, so that he was high as a kite, and i was virtually floating along through the stunning landscape.
we reached the lake we normally hike to around 5. i wanted to go back, to make sure we had time before dark. sean wanted to continue for awhile. as i figured he was in a more logical state of mind i agreed.
we hiked awhile longer, until 5:30. as we turned to return it started to get dark. we grew mildly concerned, but figured we just had to hurry. after all, going downhill is much faster....
so, we get to a flat section about halfway back. the sun has now set and we realize that foolishly we took the sunset time in town into account, not in the middle of the woods in the mountains. it is still light enough to easily see though, and we begin to run to make up time.
we somehow get lost, even though we've hiked that trail dozens of times. we try to retrace our steps, but end up more lost. we are still mostly calm, but pretty worried. it gets near freezing that time of year at night, and we are poorly equipped.
we wander around, getting more and more lost. soon we both start panicking as the darkness closes in (i am tripping the fuck out now :D ). we end up in a section with ten foot, jagged boulders all around us. we have to help each other climb over them in some sections. we both fall numerous times, and each time there is a terrible pause as we wait to see if a bone has broken, or skull cracked.
i slip and fall, gashing my wrist. however, i don't even notice it until ten minutes later, when i dimly make out blood streaming down my arm, soaking my shirt.
it is now about 6:15, and we have no clue where we are going. we can make out a stream in the distance, and decide to find it, and follow it, as it might lead in our desired direction.
we are both pumped with fear and adrenelin now. i look at sean, and his eyes look like a crazed animal's. i know if we are forced to spend the night it is highly likely i will be attacked (with all the blood attracting bears, cougars, etc). it is already getting cold.
we move frantically towards the water, i slip down a rock and smash my shin on a jagged rock. it hurts so bad i fear i have broken my leg, but manage to keep moving. sean falls as well, hitting his hip against an outcropping.
we finally make it to the water. it is almost pitch black. there is moss literally 2-3 feet thick. even in my fearful state i pause for a dozen seconds or so, struck by the mysterious beauty of water, moss, trees, and branches drooping downwards, with thin veins of light shimmering in the glossy black water.
we decide to cross on a whim. sean is trying to walk across a log, but i plunge right in (it isn't deeper than mid-thigh) and wade across the twenty feet or so. this would have been the dumbest thing i could have done if we had to spend the night, as i would have been soaking wet, and oozing blood.
it is now almost completely black. we can make out each other, but not much else. we pause for a moment. i think we should try to make a makeshift shelter of some sort, or try to find a tree to climb in the last precios moments of light. sean wants to press on.
i close my eyes, desparate, cold, covered in blood, with and aching, bleeding wrist, and throbbing, severly bruised leg, peaking on mushrooms and adrenelin. i am an agnostic atheist at the time, and haven't prayed in ages.
however, i say i quick little 'prayer':
"if there is something higher than myself that actually cares...i could sure use some help....)
literally the second i think 'help' sean yells out happily "I FOUND THE TRAIL". we were standing about twenty or thirty feet from it :shakehead2: :wink:
we can just barely make out the trail by the halfmoon, but recognize it as the last five minutes to the parking lot. we get back and drive home, laughing at our good fortune and stupidity.
when i get home i soak in the tub, and eat the best tasting meal i've ever had. i wake up the next morning with the most painful bruise i've ever had on my shin, and barely able to move my hand.
well, if anyone read this i hope it was interesting. it was fun for to write it anyways, just to remember it in full detail.
and the moral of the story is: don't go hiking just before dark peaking on mushrooms and hash...unless you want one hell of an adventure.
holy shite inthemoment-that's insane!
LOL...very nice read Asher! Reminds me of some of the stupid shit I got myself into during my coke and acid days. Ahh the memories... :D
Nice story, Asher! Reminds me of a time I got lost hiking, although it was without the help of psychedelics - back in my Mormon days . . .
So I was at Scout camp (I know, I was a geek. Probably still am.). It was a week-long camp. My dad came up for a few days in the middle. He and I decided to do a little over-nighter separate from the rest of the camp, so we pack up some shit, find the trail, and hike about 5 or 6 miles to this lake, where we set up the tent, have dinner, etc. Now this was in early August, and it just so happened to be one of the biggest nights for the Perseid (I think) meteor shower. Since our tent was among the trees, when it got dark, we decided to go down to the lake shore to watch meteors. So we did. Had a great time; saw plenty of meteors. Eventually, we decided to go back up to our tent and get ready for bed. Now keep in mind our tent is no more than, say, 50 yards from the shore, but we're in the middle of a forest, so there's trees everywhere. So to make a long night into a short story, we searched for at least a few hours without finding our tent. Walked around for quite a while in the forest, went up a stream to a smaller lake that we had passed on the hike in, tried to find our bearings, couldn't find the damn campsite/tent anywhere! So eventually, we gave up and made a bed of pine needles, laid back-to-back and threw our jackets over us to try to share some body heat, and drifted in and out of sleep for about four hours, until it finally started getting light in the morning. Once the sun was up and we could see what we were doing, it took probably five or ten minutes to find our tent and shit. :? Asher, you said something about your friend finding the trail as you finished your little "prayer." At the time that my story happened, my dad and I were both pretty religious (he still is). So at one point during the night, we stopped and said a prayer. Didn't help. Maybe God wanted to teach us a lesson about going out in the dark in a forest without flashlights. :)