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    1. #1
      Delicous sandwich Umbrella's Avatar
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      What is the... dumbest thing you've ever said?

      The thread about quiet people has gotten me thinking about saying stupid things, which in turn gave me the idea to start a thread on that very same subject.

      Even though I'm hoping this will be able to provide a good laugh, I suppose I have to start off, and the stupidest thing I've ever said really isn't funny at all. Anyway, here goes...


      I was at school, and we were studying something that had to do with geology, looking at the names of different types of fossils, and then proceding to call eachothers' mothers one of them (we were bored >.>).
      Then this guy comes in, of whom I KNOW his mother died from cancer about 6 months before, but, somehow thinking it was his father that had died, not his mother (great reason huh), i decide to tell him his mother is an odontopleurida or w/e it was.
      I'm not even sure whether or not he heard me, if he did he just ignored it, but my friends definitly did, and after a second i realized it too and saw a lot of angry looks towards me.
      Feelings of disgust and shame still start boiling inside me when I think about it.

      So yeah, that's not a fun way to start off (at least to me >.>) but hey, fair is fair.
      Now it's up to the rest of you DV'ers to make me laugh again... gl
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    2. #2
      Generic lucid dreamer Seeker's Avatar
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      Was talking to my wife and something on TV was going on about sending online e-cards. I looked over at her and said "Oh yeah, I've sent some of those before".

      Of course she wanted to know who I sent them to.
      you must be the change you wish to see in the world...
      -gandhi

    3. #3
      Crazy Cat Lady Burns's Avatar
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      This was about 5 years ago when I was living with 4 girls in a townhouse during college.

      We were all hanging out one afternoon, and my roommate's boyfriend was over. They were watching TV and I walked in to see what they were watching. It was the band Blink 182 playing one of their more well-known songs, but they sounded horrible live. So I said, "Wow, they really suck playing live, don't they?"

      My roommate gave my an extremely offended look while her boyfriend started laughing and said, "Yeah, they do." It was her boyfriend's band playing a Blink 182 song at a recent gig that someone had taped!

      I felt like the world's biggest ass. I didn't know what to say because I just said in front of everyone that his band sucked. So I just left the room and didn't emerge from my bedroom until the next day. I still feel my face get red just thinking about it.

    4. #4
      - Neruo's Avatar
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      "Yeah sure everyone mastrubates".

      Or something. People found it funny. But I am sure all those people mastrubated more then I.... ok maybe not. But they did!
      “What a peculiar privilege has this little agitation of the brain which we call 'thought'” -Hume

    5. #5
      Member wombing's Avatar
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      that's hilarious burns91...i would have hid in my room until the next day too.


      “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” (or better yet: three...)
      George Bernard Shaw

      No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world. I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker. - Mikhail Bakunin

    6. #6
      Member R.Carter's Avatar
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      Mine is painful and embarassing. I still cringe.
      I took my sons bowling a few months ago and got a lane next to a woman
      whose son was obviously mentally handicapped. I did my best to set her at ease,
      I didn't want her to not enjoy herself because she was self conscious about her sons
      behavior. I spoke to her son while I was bowling and let him use my ball when he wanted
      so she wouldn't feel awkward.
      I fucking ruined it by telling my kids to " quit being retards " when they were doing something
      stupid. Turns out I'm the stupid one. The woman left before I even realized what I had said.
      When I realized what had happened, it was too late; she was gone.
      I have never felt like such an asshole before. Unfortunately " retard " is a common slang
      term around here and one I have consequently removed from my lexicon.

      You're getting sleepy......

      (__/)
      (O.o )
      (> < ) This is Bunny.

    7. #7
      Member kichu's Avatar
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      ^ ^ ^ Ouch, that's bad.

      I'm totally drawing a blank, but I l know I've said some horrendous things. I'll have to think about this for a bit and get back to you.

    8. #8
      Member kichu's Avatar
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      Ooo, ok I thought of something. But it wasn't exactly that I said something, but more of a reaction. Still pretty shitty.

      I was walking into a movie theatre to watch some scary movie and I was getting all excited to be scared and stuff. I was turning the corner into the dark theatre and around the corner was one of those brothers that's all covered in hair from head to toe. You know, and they do circus shows and stuff, and their faces are literally covered ENTIRELY with hair. Well I just about bumped into him and when I saw his face I let a out a huge scream because he scared the crap out of me. But it was obviously a reaction to his face, not just the fact that a random person had startled me by being around a corner. I felt SOOOOOO bad. I would NEVER normally react like that, but with the anticipation of the scary movie and him looking kind of like a werewolf and.........ugh. I hate myself.

    9. #9
      Crazy Cat Lady Burns's Avatar
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      Originally posted by R.Carter
      Mine is painful and embarassing. I still cringe.
      I took my sons bowling a few months ago and got a lane next to a woman
      whose son was obviously mentally handicapped. I did my best to set her at ease,
      I didn't want her to not enjoy herself because she was self conscious about her sons
      behavior. I spoke to her son while I was bowling and let him use my ball when he wanted
      so she wouldn't feel awkward.
      I fucking ruined it by telling my kids to " quit being retards " when they were doing something
      stupid. Turns out I'm the stupid one. The woman left before I even realized what I had said.
      When I realized what had happened, it was too late; she was gone.
      I have never felt like such an asshole before. Unfortunately " retard " is a common slang
      term around here and one I have consequently removed from my lexicon.
      Ouch - that's pretty bad. It was an accident, though.

    10. #10
      Life is what I make it will.i.am's Avatar
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      LOL oh god I just remembered... I was on a double date and the other girl was really really short and for some reason unknown to me, I asked to the group, "So how short do you have to be, to be a legal midget?" Man was she offended! That was the most awkward moment EVER. She wasn’t my date so I didn’t really care, though I still felt like an ass.

    11. #11
      Member InTheMoment's Avatar
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      About eight years ago, I was pulled over after leaving a bar one night. I had my ex girlfriend and my best friend in the car with me and they were both sloshed. I had had a couple of drinks, but nothing too impairing.

      Anyways, I get pulled over for going 6 m.p.h. over the speed limit and after approaching the car the officer asked me to step out of the vehicle. She said the car wreaked of alcohol and then proceeded to give me the field sobriety test. Since I wasn't drunk, I passed every exercise with flying colors. She became visibly frustrated that I was knocking out all of her tests, so then she threw the whammy.

      She told me to stand straight with my legs together knees locked. Then I was to extend both of my arms out towards each side (shoulder level)...sort of like I was making the letter "T." Then I had to lift and extend my right leg out in front of me, tilt my head back, close my eyes and then count to 30.

      Of course after several failed attempts, I became frustrated...and this is where I said "C'mon...give me a break! I couldn't even do this if I was sober!"
      Hide the kids...Uncle ITM is back!
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    12. #12
      Member TygrHawk's Avatar
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      Originally posted by R.Carter
      Unfortunately " retard " is a common slang
      term around here and one I have consequently removed from my lexicon.
      You have earned respect from me for taking a lesson from your slip, and doing something about it to avoid hurting others in the future. And hopefully your sons will learn from it as well, and not have to make that mistake on their own.

      Originally posted by Neruo
      "Yeah sure everyone mastrubates".
      If that's a stupid thing to say, then color me an idiot. I know I've said that many times.

      As far as stupid things that I've said, the only thing that comes to mind right now (though I'm sure there's plenty more) is an incident that happened on Christmas Day when I was probably about 11 or 12 years old. I was playing with my new Hot Wheels set, and there was a piece of track that functioned as the starting point for the race. There was a button on either side of the track that, when you pushed either one, would allow both cars to start. I had placed that piece of track in a position so that it was partly underneath another section of track (it was like a figure eight), and one of the two buttons was directly under the other track. My father asked me "How are you going to be able to press that button?" To which I responded, "when you push one, they both go, you idiot!". One of the few times I ever got slapped as a child.
      Wayne

      http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/3741/zcsig8gs.jpg

      Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

    13. #13
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      I said "fornicate" once when I meant "allocate"

      lololol

    14. #14
      Member wombing's Avatar
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      Of course after several failed attempts, I became frustrated...and this is where I said "C'mon...give me a break! I couldn't even do this if I was sober!" [/b]
      LMAO!!!!!! i can just picture that...


      once myself and four close friends were doing mushrooms at his residence. it was the first time i had a large dose (6 grams of potent hydroponics). i was so high i thought i'd died and was a disembodied spirit floating around

      anyways, my buddy did a large dose for the first time as well, and got so freaked out he thought he was dying ... he called 911 and said "we all did mushrooms,and our bodies are shutting down..

      so, the cops show up with the ambulance. they bust in when we open the door. i am sitting naked on the couch fresh from a shower half an hour previous.
      they take my buddy away in the ambulance immediately. they then ask the rest of us what we are on. the rest were all with it enough to pretend.

      i look at the cop with a beaming smile, my dick lying on my stomach, and say proudly "i ate a whole lot of mushrooms " in a british accent, and start laughing.

      they made my friend put pants on me, handcuffed me and took me to the station. i was so high i thought they were the 'cosmic police' (as i had already died).

      i remember snapping to in an interrogation room and they were asking me my address over and over. after much struggle i realized i could only remember it if i sang it, whereupon i loudly sang my entire address like an opera singer..
      there were three officers in the room, and they were all laughing so hard they couldn't speak. the one fell off his chair...

      glad i entertained those pricks..

      the i was thrown in a cell, where i thought i was in hell, then a psyche ward, adn finally, about four or five hours later, realized it was only a drunk tank.

      good times


      “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” (or better yet: three...)
      George Bernard Shaw

      No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world. I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker. - Mikhail Bakunin

    15. #15
      Member InTheMoment's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Asher

      once myself and four close friends were doing mushrooms at his residence. it was the first time i had a large dose (6 grams of potent hydroponics). i was so high i thought i'd died and was a disembodied spirit floating around

      anyways, my buddy did a large dose for the first time as well, and got so freaked out he thought he was dying ... he called 911 and said "we all did mushrooms,and our bodies are shutting down..

      so, the cops show up with the ambulance. they bust in when we open the door. i am sitting naked on the couch fresh from a shower half an hour previous.
      they take my buddy away in the ambulance immediately. they then ask the rest of us what we are on. the rest were all with it enough to pretend.

      i look at the cop with a beaming smile, my dick lying on my stomach, and say proudly "i ate a whole lot of mushrooms " in a british accent, and start laughing.

      they made my friend put pants on me, handcuffed me and took me to the station. i was so high i thought they were the 'cosmic police' (as i had already died).

      i remember snapping to in an interrogation room and they were asking me my address over and over. after much struggle i realized i could only remember it if i sang it, whereupon i loudly sang my entire address like an opera singer..
      there were three officers in the room, and they were all laughing so hard they couldn't speak. the one fell off his chair...

      glad i entertained those pricks..

      the i was thrown in a cell, where i thought i was in hell, then a psyche ward, adn finally, about four or five hours later, realized it was only a drunk tank.

      good times
      Dude, you have just made my list of "Top 5 DV Members I'd Love Party With."
      Hide the kids...Uncle ITM is back!
      My pics

    16. #16
      Delicous sandwich Umbrella's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Asher
      Of course after several failed attempts, I became frustrated...and this is where I said "C'mon...give me a break! I couldn't even do this if I was sober!"
      LMAO!!!!!! i can just picture that...


      once myself and four close friends were doing mushrooms at his residence. it was the first time i had a large dose (6 grams of potent hydroponics). i was so high i thought i'd died and was a disembodied spirit floating around

      anyways, my buddy did a large dose for the first time as well, and got so freaked out he thought he was dying ... he called 911 and said "we all did mushrooms,and our bodies are shutting down..

      so, the cops show up with the ambulance. they bust in when we open the door. i am sitting naked on the couch fresh from a shower half an hour previous.
      they take my buddy away in the ambulance immediately. they then ask the rest of us what we are on. the rest were all with it enough to pretend.

      i look at the cop with a beaming smile, my dick lying on my stomach, and say proudly "i ate a whole lot of mushrooms " in a british accent, and start laughing.

      they made my friend put pants on me, handcuffed me and took me to the station. i was so high i thought they were the 'cosmic police' (as i had already died).

      i remember snapping to in an interrogation room and they were asking me my address over and over. after much struggle i realized i could only remember it if i sang it, whereupon i loudly sang my entire address like an opera singer..
      there were three officers in the room, and they were all laughing so hard they couldn't speak. the one fell off his chair...

      glad i entertained those pricks..

      the i was thrown in a cell, where i thought i was in hell, then a psyche ward, adn finally, about four or five hours later, realized it was only a drunk tank.

      good times [/b]


      Hahahahaha lmao
      All these stories are brilliant, but this one really made my day. Thanks
      A dream
      is a reality that others cannot see.
      Reality
      is a dream you share with others.

    17. #17
      Crazy Cat Lady Burns's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Asher
      Once myself and four close friends were doing mushrooms at his residence. it was the first time i had a large dose (6 grams of potent hydroponics). i was so high i thought i'd died and was a disembodied spirit floating around

      anyways, my buddy did a large dose for the first time as well, and got so freaked out he thought he was dying ... he called 911 and said "we all did mushrooms,and our bodies are shutting down..

      so, the cops show up with the ambulance. they bust in when we open the door. i am sitting naked on the couch fresh from a shower half an hour previous.
      they take my buddy away in the ambulance immediately. they then ask the rest of us what we are on. the rest were all with it enough to pretend.

      i look at the cop with a beaming smile, my dick lying on my stomach, and say proudly "i ate a whole lot of mushrooms " in a british accent, and start laughing.

      they made my friend put pants on me, handcuffed me and took me to the station. i was so high i thought they were the 'cosmic police' (as i had already died).

      i remember snapping to in an interrogation room and they were asking me my address over and over. after much struggle i realized i could only remember it if i sang it, whereupon i loudly sang my entire address like an opera singer..
      there were three officers in the room, and they were all laughing so hard they couldn't speak. the one fell off his chair...

      glad i entertained those pricks..

      the i was thrown in a cell, where i thought i was in hell, then a psyche ward, adn finally, about four or five hours later, realized it was only a drunk tank.

      good times
      OMG - I wish I could see the reinactment of that night! That's crazy funny!

    18. #18
      - Neruo's Avatar
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      Nice story asher

      Good thing the cops found it funny, they could have put you in jail some longer and molest you with a nightstick if they wern't so joyfull.
      “What a peculiar privilege has this little agitation of the brain which we call 'thought'” -Hume

    19. #19
      Member kichu's Avatar
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      Originally posted by InTheMoment

      Dude, you have just made my list of "Top 5 DV Members I'd Love Party With."
      Oh man, I second that. That was an awesome story. Aren't you vegan too? Asher, I love you!

      Hey, that'd be a good topic - top dv members you'd love to meet/party with. I'm sure it's been done though.

    20. #20
      DV's Vexiest Vex Kitten's Avatar
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      I've said so many stupid things it's hard to pick just one.

      I'll go with one of the most recent. This guy, quoted a line from a song, something like, 'I like my metal like I like my coffee...black'.

      So, I decided to make my own quote just to prove I didn't need to rip off someone's song. I thought it out...I like my men like I like my beer... cool and easy going down. But when I said it out loud I fucked it up and said, "I like my men like I like my beer...cool and easy to swallow."


    21. #21
      Dreamah in ReHaB AirRick101's Avatar
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      Dissing a gang member's favorite rapper. No further details. I was just happy I had my car with me.
      naturals are what we call people who did all the right things accidentally

    22. #22
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      OpheliaBlue's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Asher

      once myself and four close friends were doing mushrooms at his residence. it was the first time i had a large dose (6 grams of potent hydroponics). i was so high i thought i'd died and was a disembodied spirit floating around

      anyways, my buddy did a large dose for the first time as well, and got so freaked out he thought he was dying ... he called 911 and said "we all did mushrooms,and our bodies are shutting down..

      so, the cops show up with the ambulance. they bust in when we open the door. i am sitting naked on the couch fresh from a shower half an hour previous.
      they take my buddy away in the ambulance immediately. they then ask the rest of us what we are on. the rest were all with it enough to pretend.

      i look at the cop with a beaming smile, my dick lying on my stomach, and say proudly "i ate a whole lot of mushrooms " in a british accent, and start laughing.

      they made my friend put pants on me, handcuffed me and took me to the station. i was so high i thought they were the 'cosmic police' (as i had already died).

      i remember snapping to in an interrogation room and they were asking me my address over and over. after much struggle i realized i could only remember it if i sang it, whereupon i loudly sang my entire address like an opera singer..
      there were three officers in the room, and they were all laughing so hard they couldn't speak. the one fell off his chair...

      glad i entertained those pricks..

      the i was thrown in a cell, where i thought i was in hell, then a psyche ward, adn finally, about four or five hours later, realized it was only a drunk tank.

      good times
      LOLOLOL!!!!!!!
      I so incredibly concur with James, you are haute party material my friend

    23. #23
      Member wombing's Avatar
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      i'm glad the story made y'all laugh...

      i always suprise people, because when they first meet me i'm so shy and subdued, but once i am comfortable with people due to spending time with them (or just copious quanties of intoxicants), its like jekyl and hyde

      man, it'd be cool if we were all rich, and could get together and have a DV party...i'd be there in a heartbeat 8)


      “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” (or better yet: three...)
      George Bernard Shaw

      No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world. I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker. - Mikhail Bakunin

    24. #24
      Member kichu's Avatar
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      Originally posted by Asher
      i'm glad the story made y'all laugh...

      i always suprise people, because when they first meet me i'm so shy and subdued, but once i am comfortable with people due to spending time with them (or just copious quanties of intoxicants), its like jekyl and hyde
      I'm the exact same way, nice to hear other people are like that too. It sucks sometimes.

    25. #25
      Member kage's Avatar
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      Originally posted by OpheliaBlue
      I said "fornicate" once when I meant "allocate"

      lololol
      in my math class once, this girl was trying to think of the word "fornicate," which had slipped her mind for some reason. she asked me something like, "what's that word for having sex that starts with an f?"

      of course, i said, "uh...fuck?"

      edit: i suppose that's not really the dumbest thing i've ever said, but it is funny and it was the first thing that came to mind.

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