Quote:
Originally posted by Dangeruss
I love fridays. Tomorrow is a friday! hoorayyyyyyy.
You guys don't seem to know where I'm coming from. It makes me physically sick to think about myself in a positive way. I enjoy the sensation of pain. In fact, I just beat my head in an hour ago. The last time I thought about offing myself was five minutes ago, and the time before that was about ten minutes ago. Just thinking good thoughts doesn't make these things go away! thought does not govern emotion!! You're all acting like it's the fault of the handless man that he can't climb the ladder to happiness. No one wants to be miserbale, if they're unhappy they are almost always unhappy for a reason. I've known a lot of unhappy people in my life, and you might be surprised how many of them had nothing but good things to say about life and humanity. Online I'm different of course, but most people that know me (except for my good friends) think that I'm very optimistic and hopeful. I think you can tell this isn't the case. Thinking positively might keep me alive, but it certainly doesn't make me happy. Sometimes it feels like thinking positively makes me even more miserable because I know that I'm lying to myself.
People who feel happy will think happily, but people that think happily don't necessarily feel happy. The type of control over reality it would take for a person like me to feel happy is equatable (in my mind, anyway) with serious delusions. A happy Russell is about as useful to me as a demented Russell.
Russ, before you can have control over yourself, you have to take responsibility for yourself. You are the reason why you feel this way. Nobody else made you depressed. It was you. You have to come to terms with this. It is nobody else's job to make you happy but you, and if you refuse to believe you can, then so be it. You will never be happy if you go through life like this. That's a very unfortunate thing.