my time is coming...

the following may seem like senseless rambling, but it isnt. it is the words of my heart, and when i open my heart, things can get ...well...hectic.

time is grinding down to its final hour. before me sits a great abyss. i must jump and grab my lifeline. if i dont, i will surely be swept over the edge, and i will slowly die. i have been as a captive in my home for 6 yrs and the rage and pain have been slowly poisoning me to death.

3 yrs ago, amid the hurt and the abuse, i pulled into myself. i began wandering the corridors of my mind. i began to peel back the layers of lies, the mask-the mold that society had forced me into. i didnt know at the time, but i was taking the first steps. i found myself . and the person i truly am welled up and shattered that mold. thus i was able to resume my true shape-the shape i was meant to take.

i stayed laying within myself and despite my imprisonment, i grew above and beyond what i once was. in time i was no longer the woman he married. i had to keep this a secret. my husband still thinks that he has his shackles and chains wrapped around me.

but no more... i am setting myself free. i cannot fail in this endeaver, for failure is not an option. as i make my final preparations, i reflect upon this experience and the lessons i have learned. and i am passing them on to those of you who are reading this:

be yourself
know yourself
be true to yourself
follow your heart
never let others live your life
never let others make your decisions
dont care about what others think of you, even if everyone in the world thinks the worst of you-it DOES NOT MATTER!!! as long as you know your own self, then dont worry about the other people

i at the age of 19 was heavily pressured and even harassed into my marriage, surprisingly it wasnt by my parents. i could go on and on about that, but all has been said what was needed to be said.

please wish me luck and pray for me and my children. and remember the above.

It's good that you've realised the truth inside your heart early in life. I am no religious man, but I will wish you luck for the rest of your life's journey. Never lose sight of that truth.

Edit: This belongs in the Philosophy forum.

Well I certainly wish you the best, and greatly admire your strength for undertaking such a feat. I'm sure you've considered this for a great deal of time, so you know it's the right thing to do and that should greatly aid you. Certainly it won't be easy, but you should take comfort in knowing if you didn't do something about it now it would only become more difficult to later.

As you've undoubtedly learned--or perhaps knew beforehand, as you've alluded to being pressured into the "choice"--marriage at such a young age is never a good idea. We change so much in the few years between say 19 and 24 or 25...certainly we cannot make the best choice of who we belong with when we aren't even completely certain of who we are yet.

In your case it sounds like the one you're with is particularly horrible. Personally I believe life has a way of balancing things out; you can label it karma if you want but that's not really the term I would use. Somehow, someway, he'll get what's coming to him one day.

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Originally posted by Zero1328
Edit: This belongs in the Philosophy forum.

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No, I really don't think it does.

:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

You have everything to gain. That makes what you face no less terrifying.

I'll be praying for your safe transition. You CAN do this.