the difference between men and women.

**jacobo** · 03-15-2004 05:54 PM

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.

A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while, neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. . . To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself - Jeez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking - So that means it was ...let's see ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer. Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking - He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking - And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking - He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking - They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. Scumbags!

And Elaine is thinking - Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, school girl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking - Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the difference between men and women!

**Lowercase Society** · 03-15-2004 06:00 PM

Haha, he's such a shithead.

**Lomebririon** · 03-16-2004 11:25 AM

That was great!

It's funny cause it's true.

**A Lost Soul** · 03-16-2004 12:10 PM

Oh man did you pin the tail on the donkey. That is so true! All men need to read this and realize that women think differently. All women need to read this and realize that men don't think at all.

At least, not about whatever it is that we're concerned about. We women torture ourselves over so much. We prim and work and drive ourselves insane. We lie on our beds at night and cry and the man in our life doesn't even have a clue!

This is an unchangable fact of life of course, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Sometimes it really does seem like men and women are from different planets.

See, this is why I love Lucius.

His mind works more like a woman's and I can say things to him that he'll 'get' and totally understand. If I say the same things to another important man in my life, it'll fly right over his head, hit the wall and slump to the floor in despair. Sometimes he's just completely oblivious. Argh!

Anyway, it's so true. Men and women need to learn how to communicate.

Ev · 03-16-2004 12:29 PM

LOL, it's funny.

**Lowercase Society** · 03-16-2004 03:29 PM

Originally posted by Lomebririon
That was great! * It's funny cause it's true.

Not with me, never with me. I would not be that fuckin stupid.

**icedawg** · 03-16-2004 05:46 PM

Originally posted by A Lost Soul
Oh man did you pin the tail on the donkey. [...]

not all men are that ignorant, thoughtless, and oblivious; just most of them. some of us actually try to be a little bit more.

**Berserk Exodus** · 03-16-2004 06:04 PM

Eh, don't generalize Adidas.

Not all men are COMPLETELY materialistic and thoughtless.

But most are, as stated above.

**jacobo** · 03-16-2004 06:27 PM

hey now, i'm just passing this along. i didn't write it. -- also i do this from time to time, but i can also sit down and take something seriously... it just takes a slap to my mind for me to do it.

i care, i'm just not attentive all the time.

**A Lost Soul** · 03-16-2004 08:07 PM

Let it be known that I was generalizing, but I am well aware that there are exceptions to the 'norm' (notice the quotes). Everyone is different. In general, however, men and women do tend to play the roles presented above.

It was satire. True, but funny. Sort of like the previous post on men and women (I should dig that up again--that was just hilarious).

**CocoDan** · 03-16-2004 10:37 PM

I'm glad LS agrees. I thought that was hilarous! Very true, in my case, but if a guy has TIME to think then we can have a conversation.

**Kaniaz** · 03-16-2004 10:50 PM

When I clicked on this thread, I was half expecting a sentence stating:

"The difference between men and women is that they have different private parts."

**Howie** · 03-16-2004 11:25 PM

Woman =

From hell
Man =

From venus JK!!!!!
I'm just glad woman have more contol over their hormones than men.

**A Lost Soul** · 03-17-2004 10:32 AM

Originally posted by Kaniaz
When I clicked on this thread, I was half expecting a sentence stating:

\"The difference between men and women is that they have different private parts.\"

Yeah, I have indoor plumbing and you guys don't.

**Aphius** · 03-17-2004 11:03 AM

Do your ears hang low!
Do they wobble to and fro!
Can you tie them in a knot!
Can you tie them in a bow!
Can you toss them over your shoulder,
Like a Regimental Soldier!

Do your ears hang low!

OK! Now replace ears with Penis! Come on Sing with me everybody!

r....!

**Alric** · 03-17-2004 11:09 AM

That guy is totally clueless if he was thinking about his car right then. That is a little extreme but I wouldn't say its way off, a lot of guys are like that. Its goes both ways though the girl should learn to talk to the guy instead of just assuming things.

**Lomebririon** · 03-17-2004 12:10 PM

Originally posted by Alric+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Alric)</div>

Its goes both ways though the girl should learn to talk to the guy instead of just assuming things.[/b]

I totally agree with you.

<!--QuoteBegin-Lowercase Society
Not with me, never with me. I would not be that fuckin stupid.

Geez! It was just a joke, psyche up why don't you? A lot of us aren't that dumb, but it's fun to joke about. We are generalising here. It's not a debate.

**dougdrums** · 03-18-2004 01:10 AM

Well, they were both extreme cases. The guy was abit thoughtless, while the woman was just stupid. I surprised that would even last six months.

**Alric** · 03-18-2004 03:32 AM

Originally posted by dougdrums
Well, they were both extreme cases. The guy was abit thoughtless, while the woman was just stupid. I surprised that would even last six months.

Sounds like they are a lot alike heh.

**Kaniaz** · 03-18-2004 05:24 PM

I know a girl called Michelle, and, well, to put it simply, has absolutely no brains whatsoever. For example, during one school lesson she somehow managed to turn her her into a huge frizzy ball that made her look like a bush baby. Then she lost her ring down the sink, then she lost her other one in a bin... She's fun to be with, though.

**jacobo** · 03-18-2004 07:29 PM

girls like michelle are fun to be with... until about the second week. then you just want them to turn off the stupid... but they can't... it's permanent stupid.

**Kaniaz** · 03-18-2004 11:02 PM

Well, I've known her about three years now...

A few weeks ago she almost burnt her house down while making some sasuages. She left them in the pan, and forgot about them. She went back in and it was on fire with black smoke. Guess what she did?

She sat there and didn't open the window, she was annoyed that somebody might see she cooked the sasuages wrong. It's true, and pretty darned stupid too.