Thread: This isn't right..

i'm glad that administration is finally tackling the issues! GO BUSH!

good site though, very funny.

Yes...very exciting, interesting, and threatening to most teens!

I wonder if this is real?...or a dream?

I don't think I would believe the reality of that for a split second.

But it was pretty funny. I'd like to see people getting prosecuted for not keeping their kids mastrubation-free. Or older kids being tried as adults for infractions.

What kind of a police bust would that be?

*cops break down the door of a bathroom to find Jimmy utterly surprised*

Cops:Freeze!
Jimmy (sitting on the pot, putting his hands in the air): I'm just taking a crap! I swear!
Jimmy's mother (sobbing): He's been in there for 20 minutes!
Jimmy: I'm constipated!
Cops: Let's go, Jimmy.
Jimmy: I'm not done!
Cops: Pinch and flush.

oh my goodness, that is the worst-quality crap compiled into any single article.
Granted the entire motif is of narrow-mindedness, but i actually found this one particularly funny, rather than angering:

"Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably masturbating!"

gee, ya think?? hmm i dunno, he could be trying to do one of those funny dances that are all the rave!
What about girls, huh? What if your daughter's holding her erect penis??

Did you guys go to the "Whitehouse gift shop"? These are all things you can buy.(Stickers, T-shirts etc.)

erm, why is mansterbating a bad thing? (damn my besheets full of stains lol )

DENIAL: Does your child look guilty or deny masturbating? Very few teenaged masturbators will openly admit to their sickness!

tell me again how mansterbating is a sick thing?

Oh my god!

http://www.cafeshops.com/thewhitehouse/32519 This is so cool!

dude thats a porn site, the real site is whitehouse.Gov not .Org.

Bush administration did nothing like this. there trying hard togive them a bad name.

Holy crap, that is hilarious. Some funny things on it...

"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation.
(or maybe they... like ... it?)

BOY JUICES: Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have been deposited there! Line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family prayer meeting and underwear check!
(boy juices, thats hilarious... for some reason I thought you could have "boy juices" during your sleep )

Remove your child's bedroom door. Privacy is one of the leading causes of masturbation.
(yeah, so everyone can see them naked after they get out of the shower)

Kill your television. There is absolutely nothing of value on television. Everyone should be reading their Bibles or working, not watching filth like Baywatch or Star Trek.
(I'd have to say adidas would agree with the first two sentances, but thats kinda funny "junk like star trek" haha)

Be sensible about the music your child listens to. There is hardly any music in existence that is really suitable, because anything with a "Rock," "Country" or "Gospel" beat to it (even if it is labeled "Christian!") is designed to incite sexual desire and summon demons from the Pit of Hell straight into your nice little suburban home! Practically all music CDs, tapes or MP3 files in your child's possession must be destroyed, especially if they are by pornographic "Rap" artists such as Garth Brooks, Britney Spears or NSYNCH. If you collaborate with your fellow church-goers on this, the event can turn into a huge, festive bonfire and prayer meeting!
(sounds like a superb idea to me)

Control your child's reading material. Screen everything your child brings into the house. Do not allow anything even remotely stimulating. Get up early in the morning and go through the newspaper cutting out all of the pictures in the Underwear ads. Burn them before your teenager wakes up.
(WTF)

Understand your child's language. There are dozens of slang terms for masturbation in use by today's teenagers. You should be familiar with them. Click here for a list. There are many other lists available on the Web. Don't use these slang terms around your children! If you must refer to masturbation, use the term "self-abuse."
(so the mom can be hip and say "hey girls I gotta go flick my bean for a while" )

Scientifically test your children for signs of masturbation. The same liberal naysayers who insist we can't build a missile shield scoffed until they were bleeding when the Americans for Purity group revealed that scientists were hard at work on an test that would reveal signs of masturbation in your children, but it's here. TeenScreenTM scientifically detects a protein enzyme produced by the male prostate gland to reveal traces of semen on clothing, sheets, ceilings, keyboards, Saltines, etc. It apparently won't detect masturbation in girls (consultants assure the Bush Administration that females have no prostate glands, although the Bible suggests otherwise), but will uncover sexual activity in daughters by detecting traces of semen in panties, hair, etc. For additional security, you may easily buy a $10.00 microscope from Toys R Us and a $500.00 centrifuge from Fisher Scientific that will enable you (MALE CHRISTIAN PARENTS ONLY!!!!) to examine your son's urine for signs of the Sin of Onan. The slightest decline in a boy's urinary spermatozoa count should be met with instant and total humiliation (and hospitalization if possible).
(damn those girls who have sperm.... yeah, I think it WOULD be completely embarresing for masturbating jesum lewesum)

Q: Aren't crime and poverty bigger problems today than masturbation? What is President Bush doing about crime and poverty?
A: As far as crime goes, it's pretty obvious that masturbation and football (you know, guys bending over in tight pants) are the leading causes of rape and other sexual crimes. After masturbation and football are made illegal, the crime rate will no doubt plummet.

BAN FOOTBALL WTF

HAHAHAHA!!! READ BELOW!!
"we will require all sausages cucumbers and carrats to be sold pre - sliced"

Originally posted by GestaltAlteration
dude thats a porn site, the real site is whitehouse.Gov not .Org.

Bush administration did nothing like this. there trying hard togive them a bad name.

You'd have to be pretty dumb to believe that it was actually the real white house website.

They've got Ted Nugent dressed as an Indian. I mean come on.

Don't call me dumb! Lol j/k I figured out that it wasn't official about 2 mins. after I posted this.

Originally posted by ffx-dreamz
Don't call me dumb! Lol j/k

So we can call you dumb?

No..there is a break in that...That isn't what I meant.So DON'T call me dumb.. bah.. there is no point in explaining the deep meaning of that j/k to a simpleton like you.

I wasn't calling YOU dumb persé. I was speaking about other people. A generalization if you will.

Originally posted by ffx-dreamz
Am I right to say without a doubt that this is bullshit?The bush administration wants to ban masturbation.Dude, Im not joking..

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/puri...rity/advice.asp

I hate the bush administration now..

Don't believe everything you read on the internet and media, try to avoid that crap.

Originally posted by ffx-dreamz
Am I right to say without a doubt that this is bullshit?The bush administration wants to ban masturbation.Dude, Im not joking..

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/puri...rity/advice.asp

I hate the bush administration now.. :roll:

it's a joke. you did know that, right?

Originally posted by Paperdoll EP+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Paperdoll EP)</div>

<!--QuoteBegin-ffx&#045;dreamz

Am I right to say without a doubt that this is bullshit?The bush administration wants to ban masturbation.Dude, Im not joking..

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/puri...rity/advice.asp

I hate the bush administration now..

it's a joke. you did know that, right? [/b]

yeah...look on the first page.

WHITEHOUSE.ORG is a digital parody of the Executive Branch of the United States Federal Government. WHITEHOUSE.ORG uses the names and images of public figures for purposes of satire. Any other names are invented. The content of this web site should in no way be construed as factual. WHITEHOUSE.ORG is intended for mature audiences, and should not be accessed by persons under 18 years of age or White House attorneys with nothing better to do than squander taxpayer dollars by composing empty intimidation letters to political satirists.

That's right off the page.

haha. whitehouse.com used to be a white house paraody site created by the same guy who made www.chickenhead.com , but i see now he sold it to a porn site lol. money is money.

hey you changed your sig! I was going to say, if you want people to actually READ your posts you should probably change it!

Haha. Yeah, I was informed there were some youngin's on the forum, so for the sake of their virgin eyes I removed it I guess it does bring a little more attention to my posts too.

WELCOME ASTOUNDED!!!!!!!!

I never noticed you up till now...j/k

Anyway, you can tell it's a joke about 5 words into it...I thought it was pretty funny...

I must say, that is a very well made site and someone must have put a lot of time in to make fun of Bush. Good for them and their hard work. I do hope that every has figure out by now that it is just satire and they are not going to ban masturbation or anything.