Bring Back The Spit!

Hey,

In all of my studies of classics and medieval history, I have noticed that the symbolism and emotion behind "the spit" has changed dramatically! Yes, this is my hard earned education at work, folks:

In the early classical times, the spit was a sign of indignation and disgust. It was almost identical to our middle finger! You would spit on your son if he did not shine your shoe right! What do you do when the slave brings you a lousy sandwhich? Spit on him!

Now the medieval spit was my favorite, especially the northern cultures. When a person did the spit, other people around them would say to each other, "Wow, that guy is pissed off." It was almost like a gesture of power and aggression. Also, if you were pissed off at someone you would go, "Damn Hegthor! *Spit*" and people would know that Hegthor was going to get his ass axed some day soon. Or, if you came home and your house was on fire, you would spit in anger and people around you would raise their axes in harmony for the sake a vengence upon your home!

Now our modern day spit is pathetic. What happens if anyone spits in public? "Oh, that person is sooo gross." What happens when a woman spits? "Eww, I hate it when girls spit - it's nasty." A man? "What an arrogant piece of crap." What happened to the spit?! It has become replaced with the impersonal and boring middle finger! *Gives middle finger* Ooh, big deal, I can hold a finger up and probably bite my lip while doing it. Unlike the finger, the spit involves a viscious preperation which makes those around the person cringe with the, "Oh crap, here comes a spit" and if you were good at, people would run and hide to! What happens to someone when you give them the middle finger? They might get a little upset, maybe even give the finger back. What happens when you spit on someone? They get right pissed because your amazing saliva has graced their face and they do not know what to do about it. Better yet, they also feel like a moron for not running and hiding while you loaded the spit! Dumbass!

It is time we take back the spit! No more of this impersonal middle finger junk. When you check your email in a computer lab, at your office, at school, and you find a load of spam; yell out, "I hate spam!" then shoot a beautiful discharge of spit right onto the floor/garbage, doesn't matter, as long as you spit! Next time your boss tells you, "Hey X, go do Y" (and you know Y is always some pedantic task that his lazy ass could have easily done 1000 times), let a massive hoogey fly right onto his desk/garbage/face/wife, something! It will put him in his place and he'll probably cry.

Most importantly, when someone gives you the middle finger - spit on them!

~

(just FYI).

That's another great point about spitting. The range! The range can be fantastic, especially if you happen to have hydraulic cheeks installed or something.

Update: What happens when you do middle finger/spit?

Disregarding the fact that a lot of people respond to a middle finger with a middle finger of their own, here is the typical reaction you get:

Middle Finger:

http://img251.imageshack.us/img251/4761/mf1fm9.th.jpg
http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/7307/mf2ku9.th.jpg

^ Notice that the face people usually give you when you give the middle finger is almost identical to the "are you gay?" look! So not only has the spit essentially been replaced by an impersonal and lame body part, but people think you are stupid for doing it anyway!

What happens when you spit on someone:

http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/6835/spittqw3.th.jpg

^ Booyeah! You will not get any other reaction other than this. Occasionally you might get the people who are more pissed off than you are and will either A) ignore the spit and just kick your ass, or B) catch the spit in their mouth, swallow, and then kick your ass. Those cool cases aside, the spit will render your projectile enemy speachless and reaching for a napkin. HAHA!

Edit/Update: The Titles Themselves

I thought we should take a look at the words themselves. For instance, look at what they are:

Middle finger - Most central and longest finger. From Dictionary.com: "the finger between the forefinger and the third finger." (Ohhhh nooo!)

Spit - to eject saliva from the mouth; expectorate.
2. to express hatred, contempt.
3. to sputter: grease spitting on the fire.
5. to eject from the mouth.
6. to throw out or emit like saliva: The kettle spits boiling water over the stove.
8. saliva, esp. when ejected.
9. the act of spitting.
12. spit up, to vomit; throw up.

See that? Expectorate? So even the Ivy leagues can spit on people and then everyone around them would go, "Wow. That man expectorated on the other fellow. By Jove, he must be furious!"

Speaking of synonyms:
Middle Finger - "Flipping the bird" , "Creeper" , "the Finger"
Spit - Expectorate (booyeah!), project, loogey, hork, hock, spatter (for those times when your spit has multiple victims), discharge (when you didn't load it right), slobber (when you didn't launch it right).

What also sucks about middle finger? Wonder why you never hear anyone bragging or talking about why they gave someone the middle finger in a verb tense? Try it! You can't without sounding like an idiot. Notice that if you try to use it in the verb tense, you sound like a pervert! For example, "I fingered him" "I flipped him the bird" "I creeped him". Why is "flipping the bird" such a cool thing? Where did this come from? Because in older times people used to cut off bowmen's middle fingers so they couldn't use bows, but if they had their middle fingers, they would wave them about in mock. Why the hell didn't these guys shoot arrows instead of waving their fingers? Stupid!

Try using spit as a verb - it sounds great! "I spat on his eye!"

Try using them both against something you hate. Since everyone generally hates pedophiles, which one sounds more appropriate: "I gave the pedophile the middle finger!" (notice no verb tense because it would sound gross to 'flip the pedphile's bird'), "I spat on the pedophile!" Which one is better?

~

haha...this is a funny post, although i really don't like it when people spit on the street. My boyfriend spits, the first time he did it i went mad...so now he compromises and uses a tissue, and i pretend not to notice.

HE says it's cos he gets phlegm on his throat...but i don't see everyone going around spitting...
eew.

+applauds+

+spits+

Yeah, just swallow the phlegm. It lines your stomach, anyway.

i usually only get phlegm when i have a chest infection, and then i spit down the toilet....

O,nus, you are the MASTER!!!!! :bowdown:

ive been known to spit at people when pissed. i guess cuz i got that Northern blood in me. i spat on my husband once before, too.

middle finger seriously needs to be retired. and who the hell coined the term ''flip a bird?'' ooh, cry, cry , cry,ive been bird-flipped.

*PTEW*

Always a fan of the archaic and, indeed, the northern and the gothic, I have to agree heartily.
No spitting over every little peeve, though.
Otherwise it'll just become like the woesie middle-finger thing.

It has to be serious wrath to justify a spittin'

I think it's a great idea, but why stop there? I'm going to carry an iron gauntlet and longsword with me in case I need to go one notch above spitting and challenge them to a duel.

What, you don't have a sword? Should have thought about that before knocking on my door "Elder".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alban

Always a fan of the archaic and, indeed, the northern and the gothic, I have to agree heartily.
No spitting over every little peeve, though.
Otherwise it'll just become like the woesie middle-finger thing.

It has to be serious wrath to justify a spittin'
[/b]

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Okay okay.. moderation is essential. Don't want to be wasting a spit over nothing.

~

Quote:

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Originally Posted by O

When a person did the spit, other people around them would say to each other, "Wow, that guy is pissed off." It was almost like a gesture of power and aggression. Also, if you were pissed off at someone you would go, "Damn Hegthor! *Spit*" and people would know that Hegthor was going to get his ass axed some day soon. Or, if you came home and your house was on fire, you would spit in anger and people around you would raise their axes in harmony for the sake a vengence upon your home!
[/b]

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I don't know about anyone else, but I found that really funny. However, where I come from, spitting on someone is assault... :(

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yes

I don't know about anyone else, but I found that really funny. However, where I come from, spitting on someone is assault... :(
[/b]

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See? That is what I am talking about! Why did the spit become a gesture that is grimaced upon so much? It is so much more effective than any swear word! I mean, I am not saying to kick a puppy every time you are mad - just expectorate.

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