Selfmade Man

[kickbackseifer]

This will strike most readers as odd, but ill give it a try. I want to change who i am. Id like to go from being the obnoxious loud person i am to someone who is more conservative. A deep and mysterious type you would say. I would also like to take a little more control when i am around women with the things i say and such. Control where i look what i say and how i say it. Talk a little bit slower, and not come across so needy. Any tips to keep me inline? -seifer-

[jacobo]

over think everything. that's what i do... but when you get with the ladies lay off of the thinking, it only hurts. parva leves capiunt animas. [/b] when with girls i believe maynard said it best... Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind. Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line. Reaching out to embrace the random. Reaching out to embrace whatever may come. I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.[/b] but again like twain says... It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.[/b] i'm sorry if my advice is mixed but in my experience there are certain times to be outgoing and forthcoming and there are certain times to sit down shut up and listen.

[nightowl]

I think Adidas got it. Analyze everything around you. Observe or pretend you're not actually there. Don't speak unless spoken to. I was very consertative during all of my childhood and still am, but only towards strangers or people who I don't know very well. And for girls, well...I don't know. If you want a girl to notice or respect you, try being charming and funny. Lot of girls like that.

[kickbackseifer]

Being observant will help i think. Adidas, i like the quotes, very thought prevoking. As for Nightowl, pretending I'm not there will be my new way of life. Thats a beautiful thing right there. Thanks for the help. -Seifer

[Umbrasquall]

Is it easy to change something like that? I mean I'm 17 (woot! r-rated movies!) and I have lots of trouble when I try to act like a different person then I actually am. I think there'll be an especially hard time if you are going to switch from a outgoing personality to an introvert one. But good luck with it.

[jacobo]

it's not becoming a different person... it's simply not talking just to hear your voice. when you talk you have something to say rather than being annoying. it's not necessarily being an introvert... it really depends on what you say and how you say it. like i said, there's a time to talk and a time to listen... the trick is to know when.

[OpheliaBlue]

kickbackseifer: Care for a woman's point of view? I know that many women prefer the deep, mysterious type. But I find that they can be almost too aloof and introverted. Maybe you want to surround yourself with women who prefer more outgoing guys, rather than give yourself a complete personality overhaul. However, if you insist that there is something in your personality that women find offensive, I'll let you in on a little secret. There something that men get confused with alot, which is really an error in communication (isn't it always? ): Women like honesty, yes. But they prefer tender honesty over brutal honesty. Does that make sense? Hope that helped somewhat! But I don't understand what you mean by coming across too "needy"?

[Boof]

i got a similar "problem" but i want to go the other way. I want to be someone who is a little more louder, say some more things... but at the same time I do not want to be the "obnoxious loud person" that people might find strange and annoying. I want to say more things but at the same time say good things... do anyone got any tips for me?

[kickbackseifer]

Well for loud Dij0s youve come to the right place. You've got to say things that are important tho. Ive made the mistake of being too loud. When people are talking, feel free to put in your point of view if it would not be rude to do so. Say things that are on your mind (Still trying not to be rude or talking for the sake of talking). If you want to say something say it. Just be your self and try not to be self concious, just be what and who you want to be. OpheliaBlue, i kind of understand. Can you explain the tender honesty? By coming accross too needy i mean being like ohhhhhhh look at me look at me! I tend to talk too much and say things that are irrelevant or just stupid. Oh and if OpheliaBlue has anymore to say she can go for it. I love having a womans take on this, but i want honesty, don't tell me what i want to hear.

[nightowl]

Yea, I'm a little confused on this tender honesty and brutal honesty. Is like this? Tender: I love your new look. looking great. Brutal: honestly, you're hair looks like shit today. Like that?

[Human]

Originally posted by Squall * I think there'll be an especially hard time if you are going to switch from a outgoing personality to an introvert one. But good luck with it. Believe it or not, but when I was about 10 years, I was talking too much in the school lessons. The other pupil's didn't like me, because I rarely was completely silent. But now, 8 years later, I am a much more silent person when I am with others, only when I am with my nearest friends I am a little "hyper". I am not excactly sure why I have the ability to control my energy now, but I think I was a very hyper kid because I have some symptoms of Tourettes syndrome. Fortunately, it is easier to have Tourettes the older you are, IMO. Focusing intense on something, like computers, math, logic, etc. make me very relaxed. So I think that is one of the reasons I am more silent now; I just focus more on interesting things, and my energy somehow is being ignored. Hope this helps, and good luck. I think you could do it if you really want!

[OpheliaBlue]

lol nightowl, kinda. What I mean by tender honesty...hmmm. I guess I'll just use a specific example: A girl was being a bit of an attention whore at a gathering (namely because she was trying to get a specific guy's attention). He thought, "Hmm, girls looove honesty, so I'll tell her after the party that she was being too much of an attention whore. She'll appreciate the honesty and I'll get laid." So he tells her, just like that (w/o the "getting laid" part of course). She gets a bit pissed. "Well, I'm just being honest," he says. Brutal honesty. And she never spoke to him again. Was he justified? Yes and no. But maybe if he had said, "You know, you didn't have to go through all that trouble to get me to notice you. I noticed you the minute you walked in the door." Instant sex. That's tender honesty. Turning a criticism into a compliment. Then you get your point across AND get laid. Instead of honesty vs. getting laid. I know that's a weird example, but it was all I could come up with off the top of my head. And I know it's what I personally prefer from a guy. I hate man vs. woman & woman vs. man. I like it when everybody wins. Everybody gets laid. Everybody's happy. That's all, I shut up now.

[simisu]

ophelia you SO right! i've been the brute my whole life... and DAMN is it hard to change kickback... i've finished my my army service 7 months ago and since then i haven't been doing much! i am not content with the way i see my self and the world lots of things changed for me in this time... but actualy changing your self involves ALOT of hard work! you first have to break up whatever "walls" you've put up... you have to be 100% honest with your self!!! for example... i always felt like a perfect guy that never did anything wrong to his friends... but the fact is i never do ANYTHING... i always expected my friends to do everything for me (and infact everyone i know...) i'd call my friends and say "so... what we gonna do tonight?" and i really wouldn't mind cuz i just wanted to hang around with my friends but somthing kept bugging me... i was not content... with anything! when i finelly went on holiday with my friends and i just SAW my self through them... i saw so many things i hated about my self that i left for home a day early becouse i just couldn't bear it anymore... now i know that alot of these things start with having low self asteem insecureties and fear... and if your afriad of yr friends... well that's just fucked up right? and my friends haven't actually done anything wrong... and whatever happens i know their there for me... but these are things you have to take care of with yr self... and since then i've started to think why i do the stuff i do... why do i talk the way i talk why do i think what i think? these are questions you must ask your self and you must be 100% honest you have to constantly question yr self... and you can use yr friends for that as well (but only the REAL close ones that would be willing to put up with it ) just talk to people and try to figure out why you come off as a diffrent person then the person you think you REALLY are! and it's also a matter of taking responsibilety for your own actions!

[OpheliaBlue]

Holy crap, simisu!!! That was incredibly insightful...sounds like you're deep into some soul searching. I admire that, I really do. And you aren't kidding, it's damn hard to change! I hate it. I hate it when I see how I must really appear to others, and see so much negative that needs fixing. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, eh? But you're right, it all comes down to being honest with yourself. And my old favourite: Treat others as you would be treated etc. I'm still trying to live by that one.

[simisu]

i am... have been for all this time since going out of the army... ignorence IS bliss ! and to quote Rage Against The Machine Read my writing on the wall No-one's here to catch me when I fall Caught between my culture and the system....genocide! Read my writing on the wall No-one's here to catch me when I fall If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face Yeah! If we don't take action now We settle for nothing later Settle for nothing now And we'll settle for nothing later If we don't take action now We settle for nothing later We'll settle for nothing now And we'll settle for nothing later

[OpheliaBlue]

Oh, I forgot to add something about women. This is another universal misunderstanding between men and women, so I thought it to be relevant: Women LOVE for an excuse to forgive a guy. Like if a guy hurts a girls feelings, she will naturally give him the silent treatment. Even run away. Should he follow her? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Should he apologize? Probably. If you take the above example concerning Mr. Honesty and Ms. AllegedAttentionWhore, he could have taken her aside and apologized. Even though he wasn't technically wrong in his assessments of her attentionwhoredness (hehe, new word ), this is a clear case of hurt feelings taking presedence over pride. You see, by apologizing, the man validates that her feelings are important. Which takes us back to my point about women loving to forgive men. A kind, mature woman does NOT like to harbor grudges. They make her grouchy and pessimistic toward men. By giving her a chance to forgive him, he also grants her the opportunity to dump the grudge before it has a chance to fester. Of course this all sounds very her-sided. So I don't condone any of this advice if your woman is the type that gets her feelings hurt constantly, and takes advantage of a man trying to humble himself before her, whereby allowing her to use forgiveness as a manipulative weapon. In that case, she is either too sensitive or flat immature. So there it is. We love to forgive. Apologies and forgiveness show mutual respect, and lend themselves well to great make-up sex! Woah, what a ramble! I'm done.

[Truthbearer]

I have to say that you, Ophelia, to quote O'nus: "Have been enlightening"... Pretty interesting thread. I have always thought it is important to take a look at yourself from an outside P.O.V. every so often. This doesn't necesarily have to be the view of someone else(a friend or such) but it can be a objective view of yourself. It's not that hard to become something you are not, at a subconsious level, and I think its best to check yourself every once in a while, make sure you are who you want to be and feel like being...

[nightowl]

Ah, I see now. Thanks, your input is very much appreciated.

[Evanescent]

I have learned more form her than she has from me! She has taught me so much about "things" so i teaach her what i know about Lucid Dreams.

[pubbles]

My swing on things is simply that, as they all say: change what you can, accept what you can't, and don't be an asshole to strangers. (That may sound odd, but believe me, it's important all the same.) Being loud an obnoxious can be OK, as long as you know when and where to get your beans in the bag (that has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?). As for speaking to ladies, as long as you don't try to: be bigger than them show off idolize them brag put on a show stare at their boobs or be a total sap, you're in shape. (If I start sounding really dumb or assholish, feel free to come to my house and kick me in the pancreas or other such organ.)

[jacobo]

it depends on the degree in which you've pissed her off. i kept one going for a couple months... i only remember two big apologies... one involved a piece of art on valentines day and the other involved a rose and note on her car (both very effective). -- so yes, girls love to forgive... guys aren't too quick to apologize if they're not wrong... unless they're gonna get some ass... then they'll get you a rose and write you a cheesy note.

[nerve]

Originally posted by kickbackseifer This will strike most readers as odd, but ill give it a try. * I want to change who i am. Id like to go from being the obnoxious loud person i am to someone who is more conservative. A deep and mysterious type you would say. I would also like to take a little more control when i am around women with the things i say and such. Control where i look what i say and how i say it. Talk a little bit slower, and not come across so needy. Any tips to keep me inline? -seifer- just act like me and you'll be alright.

[Truthbearer]

nah...we can't have two paperdolls in this board, hell, we can't have two paperdolls in this planet That would surely be the demise of the world as we know it

[CT]

We need 3 more of them, and they'll have to ride horses.

[Truthbearer]

I know not every single person is going to get that comment, but it is truly one of the funniest things I have ever heard here...clever, at least