Tech Support Humor

[Clairity]

Just thought I'd share! ++++++++++++++++++++ Actual call center conversations - some new, some old...... Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?" Customer: "It's on the door of your business." Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about." Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?" Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe) "If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Inquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please" Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on it." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared." Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing??" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is." Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is." Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach." Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark." Operator: "Dark??" Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller: "I can't." Operator: "No? Why not??" Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??" Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!" .

[HyperNova]

Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?" Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me." Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle] Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e." Tech Support: "Oh, sorry." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Type 'fix' with an 'f'." Customer: "Is that 'f' as in 'fix'?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "How do you spell 'Internet America'? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net'?" Tech Support: "No space between 'inter' and 'net'. It's spelled normally." Customer: "Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?" Tech Support: "That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A." Customer: "I-C-K???" Tech Support: "'A' as in apple" Customer: "There's no 'K' in apple!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I was printing something." Tech Support: "From before you called?" Customer: "No, from Word." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Where in the building is your printer located?" Customer: "Middle of my desk." Tech Support: "If I have to give someone directions, where do I tell them to go?" Customer: "In the middle of my desk where I work." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Well, sir, in that case I have to cancel the test and try again. So please leave your cable modem on this time." Customer: (in a thick Russian accent) "What? You have cancer?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?" Customer: "No, I'm alone right now." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Are you reading an error message to me?" Customer: "No, I'm reading an error message to you." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?" Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "Type 'A' and press Enter." Customer: "Didn't work." Tech Support: "What did it do?" Customer: "Nothing." Tech Support: "Hmmm...I'll send you a new set of diskettes." The problem happened again. Tech Support: "Hmmm...send me the diskettes back." They ran perfectly on my machine. I had her print her config.sys and autoexec.bat files, etc. No problems. I called her back. Tech Support: "Type 'A' and press Enter." In the background, faintly, I heard these "tickety-tickety" sounds. Tech Support: "What are you doing?" It turned out she was typing, "Type A and press Enter." The error message at the bottom of the screen apparently didn't count as "doing anything." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.) Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?" Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I can't seem to connect to the Internet." Tech Support: "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Netscape." Tech Support: "No, what version of Windows are you using?" Customer: "Uhhh...Hewlett Packard?" Tech Support: "No, Right click on 'My Computer,' and select properties on the menu." Customer: "Your computer? It's my computer!" Tech Support: "No sir, I mean the little picture called 'My Computer' on your desktop." Customer: "I don't see an icon called that on my desktop. I do see one called that on my screen." Tech Support: "Right, just right click that, and choose Properties from the menu." Customer: "Right click?" Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH." Rinkworks.com ftw

[Ynot]

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?" that's actually not such a stupid thing to ask, as file system versioning has been around for a while people may have experienced it and ask similar questions, especially now it's in the high end versions of Vista but anyway...

[Clairity]

Tech Support: "Just a moment, sir." (mutes phone) "AAAAAAAARGH." LOL! I totally understand! .

[Vex Kitten]

Those are hilarious. For some reason those reminded me of one of my sisters.

[NeAvO]

Lol "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer"

[HyperNova]

One day a girl at school told me that her father's laptop had a virus. Me: "Well, did anyone put a disk in that might have had a virus on it?" Her: "No, all our disks are clean. But is it possible to get a virus because I plugged it into a different plug than at our house?" I actually had a dream like this where i plugged my laptop into one of my school's sockets and it immediatly got a virus!!!!

[QwinsepiaSquared]

LOL Rinkworks has a ton of hilarious tech support calls, amongst others.