What do you consider "cheating"?

What is your definition of cheating? I think it depends upon your specific relationship, so, how do you both come up with the definition? Is your definition the same as your mate's? What if it isn't and the betrayed person never gets justfication/redemption for their feelings from their mate? Once you figure it out and agree that there has been infidelity, what then? If you remain in the relationship, how do you get the trust back? Or do you ever get the trust back?

I had met what seemed to be a really amazing guy, until I heard his views on sex and relationships. I guess you could say hes more "open" and less jealous. Basically meaning, he doesn't think it's a big deal if people kiss or whatever if it has no emotional attachment. I didn't like the sound of that at all. Not to mention he is also a massage therapist, and the idea of him rubbing his hands all over some chick's body turns me off, (if I were to be in a relationship with him) even if it was "professional". Technically, it's not cheating since he's doing his job, but if he wasn't doing it for work, giving someone a body massage (with only underwear on) would be crossing the line in my book.

I completely agree with you. :? I'm quite conservative in terms of what is and what is not okay in a committed relationship, and a guy with those views would turn me right off. I think that if you're having these concerns before the relationship even starts, they will only get worse, not better, as your feelings for him grow.

In answer to your other question, it IS possible to regain trust. But it's not easy, and not every couple can do it.

I don't know. If a girl cheats on me, I dump her. That's it. If she wants to go and play around with someone else, then... whatever. She can do it single.

Those are my rules.

if you're mad, drop her. If you're not, then don't.

I think you'll find that as you progress and become more secure with yourself, your views on what is acceptable will broaden, and your definition of cheating will narrow.

Personally, I rarely even worry about what my partner is doing, except in the context of what I am doing; I think about it when having to decide in a tough situation in terms of "If my partner did this, would I be upset?"

Laying out rules for each other can be useful in a few situations (mostly specific and short term situations), but most of the time it is actually detrimental to the relationship. As far as I am concerned, my girlfriend can do anything that she wants, and I have to decide whether or not I want to continue to be with her based on whatever it is she wants to do. I trust her enough to be fairly positive that she doesn't want to do anything that would make me want to leave, and that she knows me well enough to judge for herself what those things are.

Also, I'd just like to point out that you seem to be missing the possibility that he is still a really amazing guy, but happens to be incompatible with you.

I consider cheating physical contact with a member of either sex. If he is cheating on me with a guy it's still cheating. If it's just friendlier than normal interaction it's not as big of a deal as it would be if he starts touching her/him and kissing them.

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Originally Posted by Stapps

I consider cheating physical contact with a member of either sex. If he is cheating on me with a guy it's still cheating. If it's just friendlier than normal interaction it's not as big of a deal as it would be if he starts touching her/him and kissing them.

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I think this right here is the epitome of insecurity. Any physical contact? Really? I sincerely hope you mis-worded that.

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Originally Posted by Xaqaria

I think this right here is the epitome of insecurity. Any physical contact? Really? I sincerely hope you mis-worded that.

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I don't mean like a handshake, or even a hug, as cheating. So not ANY physical contact. Just meant, if his hands start grabbing her places and if he starts getting, you know, touchy feely, or simply if he just has sex with her, then it's cheating. But in my case if the person I'm with ever did it I'd give him a second chance. But that's just me.

Eye contact.

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Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Eye contact.

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LOL!!! :laughtillhurts:

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Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Eye contact.

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If people went by that rule we'd all be cheating lol

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Originally Posted by Stapps

If people went by that rule we'd all be cheating lol

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I dunno, I try my best never to leave my room.

Haha or I'd try to look at something else but that might make the situation worse :shock:

Hostages can't cheat.

I had a girlfriend once who told me that at a party she and a friend had been touching this guy's stomach on his bed. I was just like... what? :shock: I got a bit upset about it, and she basically said grow up, I don't feel anything for him.

One week later she dumped me for him. So I won't be making that mistake again!

Physical contact = watch out

Cheating is when they desire a relationship with someone else more than with you. It's one thing to look at someone and realize that you may be attracted to them, but it's quite another to allow yourself to continue along that train of thought if you are in a dedicated relationship.

I also take a more conservative approach to relationships. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable going into a relationship, so if you're considering one with this gentleman, take some time to work things out before you make a commitment.

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Originally Posted by Siиdяed

Eye contact.

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Bastard.

I just came here to post that.

Ok, would you date someone who gives massages for a living? I wanna try to be "open minded" about this, but when I think about it... if I had to watch, it would make me get jealous and upset. I know it's his job but.... the only person I'd want my boyfriend to touch is me. I guess I can try to get over it.

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Originally Posted by Alex D

Bastard.

I just came here to post that.

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The predictable ones are the best. ;)

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Originally Posted by dream kitten

Ok, would you date someone who gives massages for a living? I wanna try to be "open minded" about this, but when I think about it... if I had to watch, it would make me get jealous and upset. I know it's his job but.... the only person I'd want my boyfriend to touch is me. I guess I can try to get over it.

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I would date a masseuse (sp?) if they were someone I cared for and trusted. (I've considered attending a massage college and getting certified some day, actually.) I don't think you're wrong to be cautious. As I said before, though, if you're not comfortable getting into a serious relationship with this man, just stick with being friends until you are. Trust builds over time, and if you feel that you are just going to tear yourself apart wondering if he's having impure thoughts about another person, now is not the time to date him.

Take some time to get to know him better and then go from there.

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Originally Posted by dream kitten

Ok, would you date someone who gives massages for a living? I wanna try to be "open minded" about this, but when I think about it... if I had to watch, it would make me get jealous and upset. I know it's his job but.... the only person I'd want my boyfriend to touch is me. I guess I can try to get over it.

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If that's the ONLY problem with this guy, then I guess it depends on his level of general awesomeness and stuff... I mean, simply touching other people won't necessarily arouse him or something. It's not like he's massaging hollywood stars... he's probably touching fat old people, if anything. :P Anyway, if YOU massaged people for a living, would YOU feel like you were cheating?

Edit: Yeah Ame makes a good point, right now is probably not the best time to date him. I predict your insecurities will only get worse. :?

For me, if my bf or gf kissed another person, or touched them in any sexual way, thats cheating.

But a kiss on the cheek, or a hug, or something like that to me is fine, maybe even a simple kiss on the lips is okay with me but, tounge kissing another person would totally piss me off, just wrong, massaging wouldn't bother me either as long as it doesn't lead to anything else.

But heres where I differ from most, if I were involved with this other person and my gf/bf and we both fooled around then thats okay but, my gf/bf going out on their OWN and kissing someone else, thats where the line is drawn and i dump them.

forgiveness? eh...it all depends on the person im dating, and the person they cheated on me with.


The part about cheating that pisses me off is when your gf/bf goes and SECRETLY fools around with someone else...to me, if my gf/bf got bored and wanted to 'spice' things up, id be happy to bring in a 3rd person a night or two for 'fun' lol...

but if they go out of their way to secretly find someone to fool around with, their dumped no questions asked, hasn't happened so far so, im okay...I hope my future gf or bf brings up that whole idea of bringing in a 3rd person once in a while :D

^^ That, I don't understand. :P I can see a third person coming into the picture if the couple isn't at all serious about one another to begin with. I dunno, call me conservative, but whoever wants to date me and bring in another person to spice things up is getting their ass dumped. And probably their car destroyed with a bat.

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

^^ That, I don't understand. :P I can see a third person coming into the picture if the couple isn't at all serious about one another to begin with. I dunno, call me conservative, but whoever wants to date me and bring in another person to spice things up is getting their ass dumped. And probably their car destroyed with a bat.

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It's because people don't own one another.

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Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

I had a girlfriend once who told me that at a party she and a friend had been touching this guy's stomach on his bed. I was just like... what? :shock: I got a bit upset about it, and she basically said grow up, I don't feel anything for him.

One week later she dumped me for him. So I won't be making that mistake again!

Physical contact = watch out

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Damn right good buddy :D

I use to date a guy who always casually mentioned that a few of my female friends were really hot, but "not as hot as you" to make me feel better I guess? He used to joke about how he would like to have both of us at the same time, but you can't get too greedy... I don't like to share, especially if I'm serious. and I'll always think that the 3rd person will try to hook up with them when I'm not around so they can "spice" things up on their own. Not on my watch....

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Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

I had a girlfriend once who told me that at a party she and a friend had been touching this guy's stomach on his bed. I was just like... what? :shock: I got a bit upset about it, and she basically said grow up, I don't feel anything for him.

One week later she dumped me for him. So I won't be making that mistake again!

Physical contact = watch out

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She tested you and you pulled in your tail. No wonder that happened. Next time propose a threesome and the situation is under control.

Or find someone worth your time instead of a chick who'd want a threesome with you and another guy :D

least let it be another chick :D

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Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

^^ That, I don't understand. :P I can see a third person coming into the picture if the couple isn't at all serious about one another to begin with. I dunno, call me conservative, but whoever wants to date me and bring in another person to spice things up is getting their ass dumped. And probably their car destroyed with a bat.

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yea, your conservative, im a twist sorta

if I was in a strictly 1-1 relationship then I'd be just as conservative as you, but if I knew I was going into a relationship knowing my partner might invite a 'friend' over for us occasionally, theres nothing wrong with that, because BOTH partners were aware.

but if i came home one day and my gf/bf was with someone, and I wasn't told, their both gonna get thrown out of the window head first, then an ass whooping..

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Originally Posted by dream kitten

I use to date a guy who always casually mentioned that a few of my female friends were really hot, but "not as hot as you" to make me feel better I guess?

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He kinda sounds like a complete asshole. You just don't say things like that.

Anyway, If hes a masseuse, he doesn't see anything wrong with it, its just a profession.

Thoughts.

In God's eyes, just thinking about someone lustfully is as bad as actually commiting adultery.

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Originally Posted by Delphinus

In God's eyes, just thinking about someone lustfully is as bad as actually commiting adultery.

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lolusaidgod

Check out a christian website about adultery.

Do you stone gays too?

And kill women who get pregnant before they were married?

Did I say I was christian? All I did was post a point of view, not necessarily mine.

Well the thread did ask "What do you consider cheating?".

I was responding to your post, "Thoughts".

I was being sarcastic.

The idea of making thoughts of lust bad is totally moronic.

Agreed.

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Originally Posted by Seismosaur

I was being sarcastic.

The idea of making thoughts of lust bad is totally moronic.

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Originally Posted by Delphinus

Agreed.

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*has specific thoughts*

Yay!