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    1. #1
      Member gameover's Avatar
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      Ford Testifies to Stop Ride Sharing(the world has gone mad)

      I cant believe this article I stumbled into while looking for a good ride-sharing network

      ***(http://www.bbspot.com/News/2002/08/ride_sharing.html)
      Thursday, August 22 12:01 AM EST

      Ford Testifies to Stop Ride Sharing
      By Brian Briggs


      Washington DC - William Ford Jr., CEO of the Ford Motor Company testified beforeCongress about the nationwide problem of ride sharing. Ford cited ride swapping as the number one reason for the the company's declining revenue. \"These 'pool pirates are depriving Ford of rightful income. Three sometimes four people are sharing rides. Less wear and tear on the cars means fewer new car purchases. That's revenue that's being robbed from Ford.\"

      A recent study by the Gartner Group supports Ford's claims that ride sharing runs rampant across the US. The study showed showed that children under the age of 16 were the biggest offenders. Almost 99% of children in that age group said they had shared a ride in the past week. The study also showed that ride sharing had spread to the Internet in the form of \"Car Pool\" message boards where the \"Road Robbers\" set up their swaps.

      Many Representatives questioned Ford's claim that consumers used ride sharing to put off purchases of new cars for 3 or even 4 years. \"You're telling me that people don't receive new cars as gifts from lobbyists every year? I find that allegation preposterous,\" asked a Representative from Virginia.

      After testimony was completed Representatives from Michigan introduced the Driving Solo Enforcement Act of 2002, which aims to curb ride sharing activities by making it illegal to have more than one person in a car at a time. The bill also attempts to stop government support of this activity by closing down car pool lanes. Persons caught sharing rides would be subject to a $2500 and up to 1 year in prison.

      Other witnesses before the Transportation Committee testified that people, often foreigners, were selling rides on the street in cars called \"taxis\". They shared stories of how they paint their cars yellow and cruise the streets looking for potential ride sharers.

      \"Mr. Ford needs to wake up and smell the coffee,\" said Frank Wallace, an opponent of the bill. \"I haven't bought a new car in 6 years! I ride with my friends, I ride with my parents. Sometimes I even walk to work. If they pass this law people are still gonna share rides. They may have to hide in the trunk, but they're still gonna do it.\"

      Many soccer moms are worried by what this legislation may do to their hectic schedules. \"It might be a bit inconvenient, but I guess I'll just have to let little Johnny drive the mini-van to soccer practice by himself,\" said Melissa Garrett of Concord, New Hampshire. \"He can touch the pedals by himself now and I don't want to break any laws.\"

      Exxon Mobil and the Asphalt Workers of America also testified on the importance of stopping ride swapping.

      [/b]
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    2. #2
      Member AcidBasick's Avatar
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      Hehee!

      It's obviously a joke article, but a good one.

      The study showed showed that children under the age of 16 were the biggest offenders. Almost 99% of children in that age group said they had shared a ride in the past week. [/b]

      Ha, I just saw this one on that same site.

      Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
      By Brian Briggs

      Redmond, WA - Microsoft purchased evil from Satan for $2.7 billion after many months of tough negotiations.

      \"We've been after Satan for some time,\" said CEO Steve Ballmer. \"Negotiations were tough, but I think both Microsoft and the Prince of Darkness are happy with this deal.\"

      Microsoft already controls 15% of the evil market, and with this purchase that number nears 100%. The Department of Justice voiced concerns over one corporation controlling so much evil, and launched investigations.

      \"We feel that there are real opportunities with evil, and that when evil is integrated into our next generation of Windows products consumers will appreciate evil on their desktop,\" said Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. \"Businesses haven't been able to fully realize their evil potential. With evil integrated into Office XP, corporations big and small will begin to see enhanced evil productivity.\"

      \"Evil is a real growing market,\" market strategist Frank Dresgan of Merrill Lynch explained. \"Microsoft is a little late in the game, but even when they enter a market late they still tend to dominate. I think we'll see the same results with evil.\"

      \"I've been dealing with Microsoft for some time,\" Lucifer said. \"I've been at this evil thing for millions of years, and wanted a way out. I considered an IPO, but then Steve-O and Billy came along and told me about their 'Evil Everywhere' plan. I just couldn't refuse.\"

      Evil was founded by Satan close to the beginning of time. It has been growing steadily ever since, although most of the growth has accelerated in the past five years with the development of the Internet. Satan plans to retire to a small island in the Bahamas and write a column for the local newspaper.


      [/b]

      Number of Lucid Dreams: 14
      Last Lucid Dream: November 14, 2004

    3. #3
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      It's called "satire".

    4. #4
      Member gameover's Avatar
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      you guys are so smart
      I'm in Chasing Mars, one of Chicago's best [link removed - ask for permision]indie rock bands[/url]! <------CLICK FOR FREE MUSIC

    5. #5
      Member Kaniaz's Avatar
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      The 2nd from last paragraph, and the "leglisation for just 1 person in a car" sentence was what made me cotton onto it. I mean everybody's screaming about pollution these days, I hardly doubt ford would promote it by putting just 1 person in a car..it's pretty stupid in itself, anyway.

      And the lady that apparently said her son could drive...well...nobody's that stupid, right?

    6. #6
      Member gameover's Avatar
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      Its a satire. I thought we went over this.
      I'm in Chasing Mars, one of Chicago's best [link removed - ask for permision]indie rock bands[/url]! <------CLICK FOR FREE MUSIC

    7. #7
      MSG
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      Colloquial MSG's Avatar
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      Most cars hold more than 4 people at one time. If they only wanted only one person in a car they wouldnt make cars that are designed to hold more than 1 person at a time. That article is bull, but still funny.

    8. #8
      Member gameover's Avatar
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      ....sigh...thats the whole point!

      \"You're telling me that people don't receive new cars as gifts from lobbyists every year? I find that allegation preposterous,\" asked a Representative from Virginia. [/b]
      I liked that part. a great example of satire
      I'm in Chasing Mars, one of Chicago's best [link removed - ask for permision]indie rock bands[/url]! <------CLICK FOR FREE MUSIC

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