Thread: Favorite The Simpsons' Quotes

*Homer runs into his workplace wearing nothing but a towel to answer the ringing phone.*

Homer: I'm coming! I'm coming!

*Picks up phone*

Hello?...You'll have to speak up; I'm wearing a towel.

I think it's ironic that dad's butt actually prevented the release of toxic gas. - Bart

I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there Superman... - Homer

My cat's breath smells like cat food. - Ralph

"Women are like refrigerators, about six feet tall, three-hundred pounds..." - Homer

Bart: "A Nanny?"
Homer: "But, how am I supposed to pay for that?"
Lisa: "We'll find a way. Mom has made so many sacrifices for us, it's time we gave up something for her. I'll stop buying Malibu Stacey clothing."
Bart: "And I'll take up smoking and give that up."
Homer: "Good for you son. Giving up smoking is a hard thing to do. Have a dollar."
Lisa: "But he didn't do anything!!"
Homer: "Didn't he, Lisa?"


Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D\'oh!

A couple of mine:

Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Postal Worker: "Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?"
Homer: "...I don't know."

Homer: "Marge, you're my wife, I love you very much, but you're living in a world of make-believe! With flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny little hats."

Homer: "Owww, look at me, Marge, I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane! . . . By the way I was being sarcastic."

Haha, nice. I had forgotten about many of those.

Here's another one:

Mr. Burns: Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?
Smithers: If you did it, sir?

#edit#

Found 'see my vest' on youtube, the sound is slightly off though:


Best simpsons musical ever, I sing along every time.

Originally Posted by Thomas Edison Episode

Lenny: So, this broad stands up in the ocean, and this big wave
knocks her bathing suit off. [patrons murmur with approval]
Moe: Yeah, and then what happens? Omit no detail, however small,
or filthy.
Lenny: So anyway, this is the part you'll remember for the rest of
your lives ...
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, great story Lenny. But here's one
that's even more spellbinding. Once upon a time, there was a
man named Thomas Edison, and he invented the dictating
machine, and the fluoroscope, and the repeating telegraph ...
[time passes. The patrons are bored out of their minds,
still listening to Homer talk about Edison]
Homer: And he was a firm believer in Fletcherism, and he played the
organ, and his favorite flower was the heliotrope! Oh! And
his middle name was Alva. And he never, ever, ever wore
pajamas, and ...
Moe: Okay, I think we've been polite long enough here ... Lenny!
What happened with the dame in the bathing suit?
Lenny: Uh ... oh. Uh, oh nuts! I forgot! All I can think of now
is Edison, I can't even remember where I work. [walks off]
Homer: Well, I remember where Edison worked! It was Menlo Park.
That's where he came up with the tacimeter, the ore
separator, and ...
Carl: Uh, James Watt invented the steam engine.
Homer: That's boring. You're boring everybody! Quit boring
everyone!

From one episode, anyways.

Homer: We leave the kids with you for three hours and the government takes them away?!

Grandpa: Ohhh, bitch, bitch, bitch!

Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Oh, one of my favourite grandpa quote:

Anyway... long story short... is a phrase whose origin is long and rambling.

Kent Brockman: "Unemployment is no longer for philosophy majors."

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

And there's an audio clip for this one:
http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/s.../anymore19.mp3




[The BBQ Pig is rolling away on the cart and Homer and Bart are running after it. BBQ Pig goes through some bushes.]
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good! It's still good!
[Pig lands into the river.]
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good! It's still good!
[Pig gets stuck in dam intake but then shoots out the other side, taking flight.]
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good! It's still good!
Bart: It's gone, Dad.
Homer: I know.

[Later back at home, Homer is looking at the skies with binoculars]
Bart: Give it up Dad, Piggy ain't coming back.

Originally Posted by Scatterbrain

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

And there's an audio clip for this one:
http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/s.../anymore19.mp3




[The BBQ Pig is rolling away on the cart and Homer and Bart are running after it. BBQ Pig goes through some bushes.]
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good! It's still good!
[Pig lands into the river.]
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good! It's still good!
[Pig gets stuck in dam intake but then shoots out the other side, taking flight.]
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good! It's still good!
Bart: It's gone, Dad.
Homer: I know.

[Later back at home, Homer is looking at the skies with binoculars]
Bart: Give it up Dad, Piggy ain't coming back.

Continuing from the above quote:

Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to an orphanage....

When pigs fly!

*Mr. Burns and Smithers laugh together, halted by the BBQ pig soaring past the window*

Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?

Mr. Burns: No, I think not.

How could I have forgotten that one. xD

Homer: Save me Jebus!!!!

Homer on Fatherhood:
Fatherhood isn't easy as motherhood but I can handle anything. It's not easy juggling a wife and two daughters and a son who'll more than likely become a fat seedy male stripper called Bang Bang Bart. But somehow I manage to fit in eight hors of TV a day.

Homer: Evey time I learn somthing new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.

Homer: Spider pig, Spider pig does whatever a spider pig does can he swing from a web? no he can't he's a pig, look out he is a spider pig.

Originally Posted by Hera

Homer: Evey time I learn somthing new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.

To complete:

Homer: Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk.
Homer: And how.

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

At a Tv convention where the crowd is saying how a guys voices sound like The Cowardly Lion and Ralph Kramdan.

Professor Frink - "And [character] sounds like Jerry Lious, with the stealing and lawsuit and the oh glivan!"


nothing? Oh you damn kids who don't know who Jerry Lious is.

Some good quotes here:

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist! He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star.

Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so...

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

Chief Wiggum: Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around!

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh.

Originally Posted by ninja9578

At a Tv convention where the crowd is saying how a guys voices sound like The Cowardly Lion and Ralph Kramdan.

Professor Frink - "And [character] sounds like Jerry Lious, with the stealing and lawsuit and the oh glivan!"


nothing? Oh you damn kids who don't know who Jerry Lious is.

You just wanted to say "you damn kids" didn't you? Its not that nobody knows, its just that nobody cares about the loud jewish member of the rat pack. Edit* Guess he wasn't included in "the rat pack". Too much of a dork.

Besides; just about every cartoon has a character based on Jerry Lewis, and the simpsons one isn't actually a parody of Jerry Lewis; just his character in "The Nutty Professor."

"When you're tired of Weird Al, you're tired of life" - Homer

Bart - "I don’t wanna do drugs."
Homer - "Sure you do. All your favorite stars have used drugs…"
Bart - "I admit I have some problems, dad. But drugs aren’t the answer."
Homer - "Why you LITTLE…"

Ralph (Bart rides past on his skatebord naked) : I like men now.
:bravo:

Homer - "I've come to hate my own creation. Now I know how God feels."

I'm watching the episode right now.

As much as I love the Simpsons, they've gone downhill... But I suppose that is to be expected after around 400 episodes.

Yeah, the old Simpsons were the funniest. Nowadays they're trying waaay too hard to be like Family Guy - random.