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I think it's funny when teachers say "fudge it" my algebra teacher says that all of the time, like fudge a point. Also, when doing the basic math in a problem she says "now be careful with you 'mickey mouse' math". LOL. This is because it's easy to mess something up with the multiplying and negatives and what not. She is a very funny teacher, not in the traditional sense though. Trust me. She is.
So, how about you guys? Sorry, is this in the right forum?
I was in biology last semester, and we were reviewing for a test I think. This dude asked if we could use the book while we reviewed, and the whole point was to see what we remembered.
The teacher replied: "That's just......gay"
The pause, the expression, it was hilarious.
My teacher would always say "many-a-time" and then anything
This is more anoying than anything. One of my teachers said when we were starting class a little late:
"you guys are wasting tax payer's money. You guys were off task for 15 seconds"
No joke, that was mostly paraphrasing, as she said that 2 years ago!
My Russian teacher (who was actually Russian with a very thick accent) said a lot of things that made me smile. One was that "Iv you don'd lige de langvage, de langvage von'd like you." Translation: If you don't like the language, the language won't like you. Another thing she would say constantly is "We are learning, we are all learning..." in a wonder-filled voice while making these grand gestures with her arms.
My econ teacher back in high school had a lot of funny ones...in regards to bullshitting your way through homework, he'd say stuff like "You can't polish a turd, guys" or "I can smell it like a fart in a car". He was awesome.
...And then there was my music teacher last semester. Oh God, was he funny. Total stoner old man. Here's a list of his awesomeness:
"Some girl told me I sounded like Forrest Gump once. So I punched her right in the gut."
"If I wound up in hell, I'd probably just look Satan in the eye and say 'Lay off, you monster dick!'"
"After that encounter, I slashed her tires. Wanted to make her wonder, was it me who did it, or was it...God, perhaps?"
One of my substitutes once said (recently) with an accent, Would someone like to voulonteer to piss out these papers??
"...that's as useless as tits on a bull"
Oh yeah, my Algebra teacher always says "now ask yourself, self..." like what would you do when... in the case of math.
When my brother was in computer apps, there was a disabled kid in a wheelchair and he started to leave, and the teacher said, "You can't just walk out of here!...(awkward silence)"
My chemistry teacher likes to tell the class the wrong answer, and then laugh at the people who listened to him.
"So to take ze inteygraal, we divide ze area under ze curve into rectangles, and we take the area of each of ze rectangles. And ze area of ze rectangle is the width times the hay."
"Abide by the KISS Principle. (Keep it simple, stupid.)"
band teacher I had sophomore year, for a quartet-
"I know you aren't all potheads...(looks at all of us, then starts laughing)...nawww, you are."
Greatest teacher ever...
oh man, in high school i had a substitute spanish teacher from amsterdam... "have you ever seen stoned sheep? they just walk to the bushes and eat them, you should see the eyes." guy didn't know shit about spanish.
OH MY GOD
In the 4th grade, we had a sub and he went
"CAN'T YOU GUYS STAY QUITE FOR A FUCKING FIVE MINUTES?!....fruken...uhm....i was diagnosed with an imaginary friend name fruken....hm" And the twat goes on about his imaginary friend and shti.... good timess
My algebra teacher said last year: "Yeah, we still haven't got the OGT results back yet. The state's about as efficient as a one-legged guy in an ass kicking competition."
My spanish teacher has a habit of making us translate ridiculous things to make the point stick. The latest: "I sprained my eyebrow."
My math teacher says things like divide 2 onto 4. onto?
Wow, weird, teachers that swear! I don't recall any of my teachers swearing!
haha what.Quote:
Originally Posted by guitarboy
My maths teacher would always say when we were doing a particular section of the course, "remember the roots are on the bottom of a tree".
Sounds weird huh? Can't be bothered explaining where that came from.
Weird that you mention that, that's what we're working on right now in algebra!Quote:
Originally Posted by slash112
Our math teacher used to say "Two vectors are alike when they're alike". We called it "Jan's Law".
Also, a few years ago a class mate of mine told the male, middleaged teacher "Your hair looks very nice today", to which he answered "Hair? What hair?".
Haha, well I'm glad someone knows where I'm coming from.Quote:
Originally Posted by lucidreamsavy
There was tons of other shit she used to "help us remember". Can hardly remember any of them, 'twas a year ago.
My crazy-nutso history teacher:
He was comparing government to cakes, complete with pictures.
"So in this type of government, you have a layer cake, but it isn't really like a layer cake, or at least not like the one I drew on the board, because the cake I drew has three separate layers of equal size, and they should all really be different sizes. The point is, the layers are separate, and if you take a cut from the cake, you get three separate pieces of government. Of course, if they were all different sizes, then you may get a little bit of the lemon, and a big hunk of the blueberry, and a sliver of chocolate, or a big piece of chocolate and two smaller pieces of blueberry and lemon. Right...moving on, you can see the other type of government is illustrated by a marble cake-a cake in which all the different flavors are evenly distributed throughout the cake. Well, they aren't really evenly mixed, cuz' each flavor has to stay intact, but they all have to touch to illustrate how each flavor affects the other..."
He went on for quite a while explaining this cake analogy. Funniest thing I think I've ever heard...
OMG! Now I finally get to hear about your... government class teacherQuote:
Originally Posted by Mario92
I wanna hear more!
This isn't exactly what my teacher SAID, but my history teacher was biting on her pen ._. when she was helping us pick out our projects, worse, on accident, 2 yards away, I was saying how it's bad to bite on a pencil, in context it worked...
Ha! Those are all so great!
Only two teachers stand out in my mind. Both were in high school.
The crazy/funny medal goes to my Spanish teacher. She had been married to a survivalist nut who kept them isolated on a dark, dead end road. People would dump their pets off on the road and she would take care of them.
She would go on to describe how nuts her ex was but then sort of ruined it when she would later draw her hands to her chest in imitation of a dog begging.
Then she'd start hopping around the class saying "Hop like a bunny, bark like a dog. Woof, woof!"
:lol:
The other teacher was in geography. He would give us tests on things we never even covered and AP level students even failed his class. He doesn't stick in my mind as being "ha ha" funny, but gosh that guy would start talking about some place in Europe and then trail off to talk about the nude beaches in South America (or vice versa, it's been so long I've forgotten lol).
Oh yeah, and in middle school I had a particular odd female black teacher. I was best friends with a black boy and she called my mom up concerned we were dating. What the heck lol. If I HAD been dating him, why the heck would she care? He was a great kid (not a trouble maker or anything).
"Have you ever wrapped yourself up in tinfoil, lie under the couch and figure out how long it would take to bake you?"
Hahaha, I laughed out loudQuote:
Originally Posted by Lëzen
I had one that used to say the term "Canadian Beauty" once and while.
And I was like thinking to myself ° ° ° Come on man that's not believable at all, that doesn't exist
In sixth grade, we had a teacher who constantly said the phrase "we said" almost like it was a tic. A typical lesson would start, "Okay, we said that the Mayas, we said, created a calendar that we said stopped at the end of 2012, we said."
My eighth grade theology teacher would always begin lessons with "Uh, we were talking about..."
In tenth grade, we had a math teacher who talked VERY loud. Even with normal conversation, you could hear her three classrooms down.
My spanish teacher last year would say "You can't have spaghetti two days in a row!" when presented with an idea of doing something two days in a row.
I have a professor who frequently concludes statements with "Does that...make any sense?"
My chemistry uses the word "so" about a thousand times a day. We have fun counting the number of times he says it in his class. We once pegged him at about 104 "so's" in one period.
My History teacher is like the funniest teacher I have ever had. She always insults these 2 kids in the class, when she calls on them in class they are "Ugly 1" and "Ugly 2" And when she uses examples for the notes, she uses kids in the class. So now we have this kid in the class who is the "Retard kid" because in the example he was the retard son of an immigrant.
Participation in Government teacher:
Begin the class every day...
"Dawwwww right Sports Fans! Let's get this show on the road!"
Someone says/does something stupid...
"... and I can tell which ones of yous guys are gonna end up pumping gas for a living"
When talking about something the government has done that he doesn't like...
"I just wanna sit back and drink my Molson in peace"
That guy was funny as hell. My favorite teacher by far, he made my senior year enjoyable.
'I just
A guy and my algebra teacher sometimes joke about being married. This is a conversation they had yesterday.
Guy to teacher: May I get a calculator, Mommy?
Teacher: Yeah sure go ahead.
Girl: I thought she was your wife.
Guy to girl: She is, I like to call her mommy when we roleplay.
Teacher: Yeah, he calls me mommy when we roleplay, it can get very kinky.
I had a crazy physics teacher in high school. The exchanges I had with him in class were sometimes so insane I would write them down in my physics textbook. One of them went like this...
Me: How many points is tomorrow's test going to be? (Some teachers had systems in which different tests had different maximum numbers of points that could be earned. They didn't just average all of the tests and count that number as a percentage of the class grade.)
Crazy teacher: 100 percent.
Me: I know it's 100 percent, but how many points is it?
Crazy teacher: No matter how many points it is, it's still 100 percent.
:shock: That teacher needs to be reeeeeeally careful with that kind of playing around.Quote:
Originally Posted by WolfTsunade
We had a physics teacher one year who sometimes had difficulty getting a point across. The best remembred one was when he were starting to talk about power and current.
"The current goes from minus to plus. No... from pluss to minus... or... no... well... from minus to pluss. Or..." and he leavs the room, is gone for 10 minutes and comes back "Right. The current goes from minus to plus. ... ... ... Or... from pluss to minus... ... Ah! Just google it!"
LOL a teacher who didn't know something as important as that! LOL!Quote:
Originally Posted by khh
He was actually quite knowledgeable and intelligent, he was just horrible at teaching. Though I shouldn't complain, he gave me the top grade :PQuote:
Originally Posted by lucidreamsavy
From my History teacher: "I don't know why I'm so fixated on mushrooms."
We were doing graphing in algebra.
You know how if a equation is whatever +__ and then it's the same thing + another thing, they are the same in terms of the vertex, except it's up or down? Well, anyways...
"It's like the little russian dolls (those old fashioned dolls that fit into each other). *lol* an oxymoron of them! (instead of it getting bigger at the top, the graphs just get tinier and tinier)"
Again, Algebra teacher, "we don't need to be dorkin around with that (sorta referring to "mickey mouse" math)."
On the first day of school Ms. David said to me "You're annoying and a little freak!" On the second day of school Ms David said to me "You're really dumb, and annoying and a little freak!"...
I want to borrow these for my sig!Quote:
Originally Posted by Odd_Nonposter
My spanish teacher is the weirdest guy evar. He'll go from being extremly funny and telling these random as hell stories to "serious". He's also given a few in the class nicknames. There's Ken and Barbie, and also "Huh?" :P
Makes me wonder how the hell I'm learning at all, never mind getting 95+
I had a teacher that would say things like "neato torpedo" and "Hey you, quit jackin' around." He was cool.
I once had a sociology prof who related anything and everything back to the "fact" that the U.S. government had already enacted a plan to integrate apes into human society through a chimera known as the humanzee.
She also had a tendancy to point to Geico commercials as her proof.
...Yeah.
I also once had a very wise--but a notorious jerk-off--teacher who advised me to never watch Mulholland Drive. For my own good. This being the same man who enjoyed forcefully dragging my desk toward the clock on a regular basis, because I apparently wondered about the time too often.
Yet I ended up liking him more than the humanzee lady. ...But not as much as I liked the prof who gave out paperclips of varying size as rewards for insightful reasoning.
...Teachers are strange creatures, in my experience.
My band teacher has a tradition going called the "Board of stupid things said." Basically, if you say something extraordinarily funny/dumb he writes it on the board for all to see. It started with "Oh, I was listening, I just didn't hear you." and some of my recent favorites are: "Trees always win in the dark." "(when flutes were having trouble with high notes) Why don't we just raise our eyebrows? (yes, this worked)" "I have a sandwich!" "(I said this and it was true) My trumpet just throat punched me." and last but not least "Oh no, my calculator!"
I had a crazy English teacher 7th and 8th grade.
"Boy, if you don't quiet down, I will castrate you with a rusty spoon"
We brought him a rusty spoon for his birthday XD
"If you're going to hit him, do it right. Use a bag of oranges. That won't leave any bruises."
"OK, now, while Luis is in the bathroom, we're going to practice. We're going to pretend there's a sex scene in this book, all right? You, Brendan you say "(insert sexy paragraph here)" when he walks back in the door"
"I was shopping at Victoria's secret with my friend once.... oh, shut up you perverts! An actual platonic friend. Anyways, she found something and asked how it looked. I took it on the ground, looked at it, and said 'it looks fine'"
*talking about our holocaust curriculum* "I wanna go harder, longer, and deeper with you." *class laughs* "What...? Oh, shut up! You guys are sick!"
Good times in that class.
Last year, I had a math teacher who was very weird. She had huge eyes that were open as far as they could go. She looked like she wore shoulder pads because she thought it was 'in style'. And she would always say things like "Watch out for the multiplication ghost! If you don't know your times tables, he's gonna get you!" Weirdest fucking teacher I ever had.
sub for bio: alright now normally your not supposed to eat these mushrooms but i dont really care.
around 3 people ended up eating some
another one is we had this crazy shop teacher with one lazy eye who was extremely chill, you could give him any excuse, sometimes he would give us bits of advice then tell us to "stick it in your pipe and smoke it"
another crazy teacher i had (english teacher this time) i can't remember any crazy things she said off the top of her head but if she saw any student eating anything she would snatch it out of their hands and eat it!
I had a good laugh reading this thread, here's my contribution:
2 years ago, in the beginning of the year, I came in class without any books for some reason and the teacher stared at me as though it was the worst thing that could happen to me. Then : " Get up, and say you're a bad girl " he said.... Of course the entire class laught, I said it, he was happy. I found it weird at first but then he did the same thing to some boys during the year.
Some teachers are strange ...
:cool:
"Don't look at pictures of...er...naked people" principle telling 10 year olds about porn
Also, my old biology teacher used to say "alright Team Squirrel" when he wanted our attention! Best teacher ever!!
"If you guys are having trouble with this project don't hesitate to try smoking some weed."
Creative Concepts was a fun class.
Someone asked a biology teacher "is having a hairy back a mutation?"
He replied, "no, it is just gross."