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One time, a telemarketer called. I had a Mrs. Swan voice on. Basically, things went very well on my part.... |
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Thread: Cool Telemarketers
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11-07-2009 02:20 AM #1Veteran of the DV Wars
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Cool Telemarketers
I just got a telemarketer call, trying to lower my credit card interest rates. As per usual, I pressed 1 after the recorded intro to talk to a live representative, and tried to sell him a pizza.
Not quite as per usual, he wanted the pizza. It went about as follows:
Guy: [In an Indian accent] "Hello sir, I see you pressed 1 because you would like to lower your interest rates?"
Me: [In a terrible Middle Eastern accent] "No, I did not."
Guy: "Sorry sir? Then why did you press one?"
Me: "This is Johnston's Pizza. We're having a sale currently: a large pizza with any two topping for just $10!"
Guy: "Give me a moment." [Puts me on hold]
Guy: [Back now] "Just a moment please." [Muffled noises, someone else talking in the background]
Guy 2: [A new voice comes on the line, with a middle American accent] "Yes?"
Me: [Scrapping the accent now] "Hi! Would you like to order a pizza? We're having a special today, one large pizza with two toppings, only $10."
Guy 2: "Yeah, I would like to order a pizza."
Me: [Holding back laughter now] "What toppings would you like on that, sir?"
Guy 2: "Can I get onions, and ketchup on the side?"
Me: "And what address would you like this delivered to, sir?"
Guy 2: [Sounding flabbergasted] "What? You don't have my address?!"
Me: "Of course, not, you haven't given it to me yet!"
Guy 2: "Oh my God!" [Hangs up]
*~*~*~*~*
It's not often a telemarketer goes along like that; it made my night, and I hung up the phone laughing. My dad was shaking his chair laughing as I explained what had transpired. It was nice to find someone with a good sense of humor.
Anybody else got any similar stories, or just stories of what you do to telemarketers? Half the time I try to introduce them to lucid dreaming (it's worked a couple times; I'm pretty sure I've got DV a couple new members this way), the other half I just come up with whatever random bullshit I can think up on the spot. Usually it's better than the above, sometimes it isn't.
Post your experiences!
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11-07-2009 03:51 AM #2
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11-07-2009 05:17 AM #3Banned
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Oh man, I've been wanting to let a telemarketer hear my music for a while. They just won't call often enough anymore, though :[
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11-10-2009 03:03 AM #4Come n' go gal
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Ugh, why must so many telemarketers have to have an indian accent? So hard to understand! I don't talk to them really though, as I'm only 16, that's my parent's job.
Poor telemarketers, they should never call your house. Maybe they have stories about you that frighten the newbs!If you see a strange typo in my post, blame my iPad for that.
Short story series about LD'ing:
http://www.dreamviews.com/artists-corner/140705-short-story-series-community-involvement-needed.html#post1990516
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11-10-2009 03:22 PM #5Member
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One word: outsourcing. American companies hire people from other countries who don't mind working for a fraction of what an American would. Hence, you're more likely to talk to a machine or a foreigner than someone who you can completely understand.
Originally Posted by lucidreamsavy
Then again, a lot of Americans don't know how to speak English.
"If there was one thing the lucid dreaming ninja writer could not stand, it was used car salesmen."
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11-11-2009 12:54 AM #6Veteran of the DV Wars
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I'm usually nicer to the obvious foreigners, but I'm pretty sure this guy wasn't actually Indian.
I'll have to start thinking up more original spiels, though.
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11-11-2009 02:56 AM #7
Them: Hello, can we interest you to join us in a Jewish carnival?
Me: Will there be tacos?
Them: No.
Me: *hangs up*if you can read this then you are about to be punched
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11-11-2009 03:05 AM #8Member
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I keep getting overseas telemarketers trying to get me to buy their long-distance phone systems. I should pull off an accent or two to trick the hell out of them.
Excellent thread idea.
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11-14-2009 02:55 AM #9
I usually ask them if they can hang on a moment, then put the phone down and leave it off the hook for awhile. Only problem is I usually forget to hang it up afterwards
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11-14-2009 08:25 AM #10Lucidity is Mine!
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When I'm bored I put them on speaker phone and use soundboards to trick their ass. Usually use a Arnold Swartzenegger or Obama soundboard. I've actually had some conversations with them before with the soundboards.
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11-14-2009 08:53 AM #11Veteran of the DV Wars
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Arnold is a great (and easy) impersonation to use. As are Jimmy Stewart, Clint Eastwood, and the Nutty Professor.
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11-17-2009 11:35 AM #12Walking the Plank
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Someone once called (it was a political thing for the opposite party of my interest), and I just kept saying (in the most flamboyant manner possible)
"Mhm? You sound like a smart kinda mannn."
which evolved into..
"Mhm? You sound like the kinda man who knows how he likes his stufff."
Which eventually turned into.
"MHM? YOU SOUND LIKE A BIG PIECE OF MAN MEAT WITH A BIG SEXY SNAKE. YOU'RE JUST A SILLY SNAKE."
bahaha. He hung up.You do this every fucking time.
No sweat.
No tears.
No guilt.
You do this every fucking time.
http://www.myspace.com/theheroicopening
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