So There's This Girl..

That I met late into my Sophomore year of high school. Ever since then, she has taken up a totally disproportionate amount of my thinking space compared to what she reasonably should. Even when I moved to Alaska I thought about her from time to time. I moved back to Colorado and haven't seen her again. Not yet. I have talked to her plenty. It turns out, the feeling I have is mutual. She told me how she felt on the phone. Apparently I wouldn't get out of her mind after I moved away.

We are both very attracted to each other. It's just... objectively I'm not sure how good we would be for each other. You know? We have enough in common to do things together and not get bored. But the way we each live our lives is different on a pretty fundamental level. It probably won't help that we live an hour apart.

I've considered saying, "Screw it, I want this." And then going for it. That's how I've lived up until now. (A lot of the time.) This would be my first 'adult' relationship, though. (She isn't an adult, I guess, but I'm out of school now. And we aren't very far apart age-wise.) I figure it deserves serious thought. Both her and my emotions would be invested so much that it requires more than a flippant attitude. I know that if I even just start hanging out with her it would be something serious and not just a 'fun time.' (Which is the kind of relationship I've told myself I want right now, though I don't really need one at all.)

Maybe the worst part is that she is dating someone. I think it might be pretty casual and she may not be very invested in that thing. If it is serious, though, I would feel too bad trying to break anything up. Even if it isn't a big deal, is that too messy of a situation to get entangled up with, in ya'lls experience? I'm not trying to throw this on you guys and I'll definitely be making the final choice but I have... limited first hand knowledge and want to know what you all have learned.

Would this relationship be doomed to fail? Will I likely regret it if I don't go for it? Do you need more information?

(I considered putting this in the Help section but I don't want the conversation to be too heavy. Just throw out your thoughts and experiences if you would, please.)

Thanks, DVers.

enjoy your life, Spock

would you be happy spending extended amounts of time with this girl?
is there any immediate reason you would break up with her?
is there any reason you shouldn't go for this?

She's already admitted her feelings for you, so she's most likely only waiting for you to make a move before she tosses her current relationship.


FOLLOOWWWW YOUURRR HEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRTTT

Quote:

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Originally Posted by no-Name

enjoy your life, Spock


FOLLOOWWWW YOUURRR HEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRTTT

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This is wise advice. Do what you think is right. I tend to follow my heart when it comes to girls, and not what people say around me.
There aren't any wrong or right things when it comes to listening to your heart. Your heart has its own inner thoughts that are sometimes realeased. It is quite a hard thing to explain, but there is this internal feelings that you may not feel in your head, but in your heart you do feel it.

-CV
-CV

Follow your head.

That's where the emotions are.

You know the saying, all is fair in love and war. I don't think I have ever used the word chump in my entire life, but it fits perfectly here. If you don't ask her out just because she is dating someone else, then you are a chump.

Honestly I can't see her and her boyfriend being that serious with each other, if she is telling you over the phone that she likes you. In fact, that she told you all that is a pretty good sign.

You know the worst thing in a relationship is bad communication. If you are both open with each other, and capable of sharing your feelings for each other, and you are not even dating, then really it looks pretty good. I am not really sure why you are worried that it is doomed. You like each other, you have good communication back and forth, you both find each other attractive. Looks good, at least from the information you have told us.

Worth a try in my opinion.

Why don't you actually see her.

Do it today.

I'm gonna have to advance what seems like the unpopular perspective here. (Deja vu, right? :P) I've found that girls that hog your thinking space are pretty easy to come across. You mentioned that you already have some serious misgivings about how the relationship might work out and also that she lives an hour away from you. Since you also mentioned that you're looking for a relatively serious relationship, those sound like pretty good reasons to leave this one alone.

I dated a girl who lived about an hour away from me and I'll tell you that it's kind of a drag. In my case the move happened after we had already been dating; at this point I can't imagine pursuing a new relationship with someone who already lived in a different town. It's frustrating to miss someone all the time and yet be unable to see them. Plus the phone bills add up and there's not enough sex. No guy in a relationship should have to masturbate, I'm just sayin'...

I don't really know the nature of the differences between you two that you mentioned, so I can't comment too much on that. I'll just say that there are a lot more ingredients in a good, serious relationship than "what your heart says", so ignoring these compatibility issues and just "following your heart" seems a little ill advised to me. Your heart is obviously a big factor but it is not and should not be the whole story. And think about this: while you're busy trucking across Colorado to see some high school chick, how many really great girls from your own town are you not meeting?

Just a word of caution. If this girl is so willing to walk away from her current boyfriend - without even a second thought - because she found something better (namely, you)...well, that just reeks of a bad omen, my friend. Think about it. What's going to happen when something even better than you comes along?

Do with that as you will.

When you're the best, your inferiors don't really matter.

But you're not the best, so I would listen to L.

Okay. I have given careful consideration to each of your posts, and you all have very valid opinions on the issue and I thank you for your advice. I have thought about what I want, what I feel, and what is smart. I have decided I will call her and we will do something platonic but fun. Go rock climbing or something. I dunno. I will make no plans to premptively end or start a relationship.