Thread: Auto Complaint Generator

This is the best thing I've seen all day. I'm "writing" a letter to my college as we speak!

Meh, I thought it was rather poorly written myself, but I guess you can't expect too much from an auto complaint generator. GIGO

Wow. It can get pretty accurate. I guess the whole thing is just one giant barnum statement though.

Originally Posted by DuB

Meh, I thought it was rather poorly written myself, but I guess you can't expect too much from an auto complaint generator. GIGO

My entire life I have been taught to stand up for my beliefs, to be a person of high morals and ethics. That's why I feel obligated to drag Dub in front of a tribunal and try him for his crimes against humanity. One of the first facts we should face is that if I chose to do so I could write exclusively about Dub's lawless platitudes and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend some time discussing how Dub, with his craftiness and heartless credos, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultramicrochemistry". Dub will then use those riches to drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. The moral of this story is that merciless monomaniacs often take earthworms or similar small animals and impale them on a pin to enjoy watching them twist and writhe as they slowly die. Similarly, Dub enjoys watching respectable people twist and writhe whenever he threatens to accelerate the natural tendency of civilization to devolve from order to chaos, liberty to tyranny, and virtue to vice. Although Dub of course has a right to express his opinion, he decidedly doesn't like extending that right to people whose opinion is that Dub will probably never understand why he scares me so much. And he truly does scare me: His half-measures are scary, his strictures are scary, and most of all, under different circumstances, his emissaries might have ended up as pea-brained personæ non gratæ drifting the streets—scary, illogical New Age heresiarchs pressing tracts crammed with conspiracies into the palms of startled passersby. It's also true that perception becomes reality if one is brainwashed for long enough, but that'll have to be a subject for another letter.

Dub extricates himself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice. This makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of his meddlesome politics. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) Dub's lickspittles have already started to confiscate other people's rightful earnings. The result: absolute vapidity, quixotic and sexist cacophony, lack of personality, monotony, and boredom.

Those who have most injured and oppressed humanity, who have most deeply sinned against it, are, according to Dub's standards and conscience, good people. Apparently, bad people are those who have noticed that I want to give people more information about Dub, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here's one conclusion I unmistakably hope people draw: Dub appears to have found a new tool to use to help him extirpate the very things that I doubtlessly cherish. That tool is emotionalism, and if you watch him wield it you'll obviously see why he is still going around insisting that his decisions are based on reason. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to him that I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that the facts as I see them simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that Dub commands an army of robots that live in the hollow center of the earth and produce earthquakes whenever they feel like shaking things up a bit on the surface.

Believe you me, I'm not afraid of Dub. However, I am concerned that he insists that without his superior guidance, we will go nowhere. Has anyone, at any time, ever been more wrong? I would venture the answer has something to do with antinomianism. To elaborate, Dub seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that his prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse.

At the risk of shocking you further I shall point out that Dub is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside himself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of his wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees. He commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. He then ensures that these people stay in those positions because that makes it easy for him to achieve total world domination. Well, let's get our facts straight. Dub has never gotten ahead because of his hard work or innovative ideas. Rather, all of Dub's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue. I cannot promise not to be angry at him. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me—as it leads Dub—to conjure up dirt against his fellow human beings. To close, let me accentuate that if we raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding Dub's effete, lamebrained memoranda we shall not only survive his attacks; we shall prevail.

Originally Posted by The Cusp

Dub, with his craftiness and heartless credos, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultramicrochemistry".

I KNEW you didn't write it! XD I was expecting you to say you'd taken someone else' letter and modified it to introduce your own Auto Complaint Generator, to which I was going to reply "we don't need more complaints than we already have in the world!" But I stand corrected - this generator is worth the time it took to read through that letter of yours. Nice find!

BTW there's a flaw: "as undeserving and underclass." In the context of the above sentence, it should read, "as undeserving an underclass."