My lucid dreams are really freaking me out :(
Ok here's the whole story;
When I was young the majority of my dreams were the happiest imaginable. I loved dreaming. A few times when I was a kid I would experience lucid dreams (always flying as i recall) but they'd always wake me up within 10 seconds or so.
Then I forgot about lucid dreams in my teens till I was about 18 when I met a guy who was a dedicated dreamer.
I began trying to have lucid dreams again and I achieved a few, which would leve me feeling amazing on waking.
Then they started to become nightmarish. Generally I would enter a lucid just as I was falling asleep.
These lucid nightmares would fall under two 'categories';
*First*
- The first would start with sleep paralyisis (however I felt if I couldnt regain control of my body id die).
- There would always be something coming to kill me (a deamon, person, or unknown 'entity'.
- I would be unaware I had fallen asleep
Example:
Id be lying there in light sleep or just as I was drifting off and my body would become num from the toes up. This would freak the hell out of me as it wasn't a nice feeling at all (this seemed to be sleep paralisys although It felt like the life was being sucked out of my body form the bottom up) generally I would panic and try to wake up.
Often all of a sudden I would feel as though something was coming to kill me, i would be fully lucid at this stage (and believe at this point I was awake in the real world) and and absolutely panic. Once it was a black ragged witch crawling along the roof. I tried to move and scream but I couldnt. The witch dragged me off my bed and down the hall toward the door. I then woke up & although Im way past any childhood scared-of-the-dark phase I was left feeling petrified.
*Second*
- I dream I am awake in the same place I fell asleep.
- There is always a false awakening.
- Nothing is coming after me, although I feel Im sliping out of reality/dying
Twice when this happend I was lying on my bed, the paralises came over me and I freaked. Everything became greyish and I was looking down at my body from above, this is when I really panicked and started screaming for my father (asleep in a nearby room). At this point I was sure I was awake. I struggled to move and get back into my body. I managed to regain use of my right arm which I started banging on the floor beside my bed as hard as I could as I screamed. My father came rushing in, grabbed me (I was upside down at this point) and frantically starting asking if I was ok. Then I woke up... I was in the same position as I fell asleep (on my back) and the whole thing had been a lucid dream. I felt extreemly shakey and feelings of terror were still hanging about.
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These lucid dreams always have the clarity of normal lucid dreams but come with a feeling that the world has just been turned upside down, that the world as I know it is not real. They leave me seriously petrified... and laso have a sick sureal feel to them. Its probably impossible to explain the way it makes me feel.
It may also be useful to note that I've suffered from anxiety disorder since my mid teens, although Im pretty much on top of it now (without the use of drugs).
Does anyone know what is going on? I want my old dreams back
