I think I did it. Possibly. Thoughts?

Only my second post - I'm a serious lurker with massive forum shyness! However, I had an experience last night that I just wanted to get some thoughts on.

I've been doing reality checks steadily for a few weeks now, along with dream journalling and meditation. I accepted that perhaps I wouldn't be likely to attain lucid dreaming while I'm on medication (I'm tapering off diazepam) but I thought it would be good grounding to 'prep' myself as it were - I dream every night without fail, and I always remember my dreams.

Then last night, I did a reality check in my dream. I don't know what made me do it, but I pushed my fingers against my palm. While they didn't 'go through' as such, it felt wrong, and not the sensation I've been used to. I *think* this is the point where I became semi lucid.

I was at a party, with nobody I knew. The first thing I wanted to do was 'test' this lucidity and went to a closed door and told myself that my Dad would be on the other side of it (he passed away very suddenly at Christmas). I opened the door and he was sat at a kitchen table, smoking a cigar. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I forgot all the things I wanted to say and the rest of the dream played out randomly but I was 'searching' for ways to prove I was lucid.

Has anyone had this kind of experience? A moment of lucidity, followed by the feeling that you're TRYING to be lucid?

Yes, you did do it, congratulations! I think it is very common especially when one is new to lucid dreaming to quickly wake up or loose lucidity soon after gaining it. Part of it is the excitement may be too much, and one's mind needs to calm down and get used to lucid dreaming, another part may be that there is a skill in gaining lucidity and a separate skill in retaining it. Anyway practice will take care of these issues. Even more experienced lucid dreamers will at times loose lucidity and continue the dream as a non-lucid dream, but I think the more experienced one is, the more likely one is to guard against that.

Excellent, thank you! I'm just surprised it was so quick, you know? As in early on the dream... gives me satisfaction that my practice is paying off :)

Congratulations. Sounds like quite an emotional first lucid. Remember to not let up on conditioning your mind for this. Just as practicing helps you gain lucidity, not practicing will more than likely take it away. Its also quite normal to lose lucidity from time to time, practice and experience are great teachers. I've noticed that with each of my Lucids they seem to get a little longer, and as always, I can't wait for the next one. Welcome to the club.

congratulations