First Lucid Dream! (wohoooo!) But no emotions..
Some days ago I had my first lucid dream! Actually two in a row!
(almost three if I didn't think that breathing through my nose while pinching it was not enough to prove I was dreaming..)
Though my first experience becoming lucid was very different from what I've always read about it.
So, I would like to share it with you and maybe someone can give me some sort of explanation.
I'm not going to tell all of my dream before I became lucid, but the important thing, that made me realize I was dreaming
was that I had gone back in time and I had to retake all the university exams that I passed.. I was soooo frustrated and sad and annoyed.
I couldn't understand why it was happening. Later I was in my friend's car and I couldn't accept that situation anymore, so I did a RC.. It worked!
The "problem" is: no instant excitement, no euphoria or anything.. I read everywhere that beginners usually get caught in their emotions and snap out
of the dream. While I was like "Ok, I'm dreaming. Cool." I just felt slightly happy. I remember telling myself, the moment when I became lucid "Remember
to calm down. Control your emotions." But in the second dream in which I became lucid, I didn't even had that intent. Almost no emotions flew into me.
The next thing I did was telling my friend to stop the car. My ONLY purpose was to explore the dream. I had to do something. Something extraordinary.
It's like if I was acting like possessed by euphoria but inside I couldn't really feel it. I felt the urgent need to do something before the dream collapsed.
Since my friend would not listen to me, I just opened the car's door and I threw myself out! I started rolling so fast in the street and, then, I bounced
upward, positioned in away that I found myself running frantically. I stopped.. and I thought that, some days before, I told myself that the first thing
I would have done when I became lucid would be to go to the moon.. so I leaped towards the sky aiming for the moon. After some time, while I
was on my way to the moon, the dream disappeared. I remember thinking "What?! Please wait wait wait wait.."
I am quite a sensible person and I'm always trying to control my emotions, most of all before they become overwhelming. Sometimes though I reach the exact
opposite and I preclude all my emotions from touching me. That's because of the fear of what I could feel if I let them in.. Is it possible that this attitude
was also present in my dream? To me it was so easy to just "forget" that I could actually feel something.. I just went on lucid dreaming without thinking
about the feelings that could have arose, my only thought was "Do something! Do something! Do something!"
Thanks for your time.