Dreaming of dealt hand glowing orbs

I am posting here because no one I know understands and frankly neither do I. Let me start off by saying I dream vividly nightly and can go lucid though I have no control over my surrounding in my dream. Sucks to go lucid during scary dreams..

So the other night I had my third death dream. The first was about a year ago and I was not lucid. I was shot in the back of my head and it was quick. Just went straight to blackness but I remember how loud the bang was right before everything went black. The second I was in a car crash, semi lucid, and I remember as the car was turning over I told my boyfriend who was driving "I think we are going to die. I love you" then it all went black. This last one was a few nights ago and I was lucid and again another car crash except I didn't look to see who was driving. As we made our way under an overpass a semi truck got into our lane, suppose we might have been in their blind spot, and the crash happened so fast i just remember a bunch of noise, very loud noises I suppose as everything went to hell. Everything went black and I knew I was dying. I didn't feel any pain but slight panic. I knew I was dreaming so I decided I would start counting back from 100 to calm myself as I went into death. Next I felt my chest becoming very heavy, still everything black and I accepted that I was dream dying. I woke up after that and didn't recall the dream until today but once the memory came back I felt so scared and like I wanted to cry. Like it all was a traumatic experience that truly happened.

Ok on to the glowing orbs. I had a dream a few times where everyone was glowing orbs and in a glowing world. No one spoke as we were not humans but more like energy that just understood, didn't communicate. Kind of hard to explain but there was one energy orb that I knew I loved. The love was as strong as my love for my mother or anyone who you can love so much that they are nearly an extension of yourself if you know what I mean. The orbs left me and I was so upset as if my little nephew were to go missing. I was frantic and searching for them but at this point I was human I think. I was lucid and stil in the glowing world but screamed as loud as I could for them to return. I knew what they were called at the time but now I couldn't tell you because they were called something that can't be put into language. The one orb had a name but again, a name you can't say or spell. It just was. I was devastated and was depressed for a few days afterwards like someone in my family were to have died. I have tried to return there as the love is something I still feel when I think of that time there but have not had any success. I still feel deep sadness for the absence of the love I felt there. I try to explain this to my boyfriend or some family but of course they do not understand. My boyfriend rarely even dreams while I feel I have a whole other life in my dreams. It makes it difficult for me not feel sad in this human world as I know that I was once somewhere where jobs and money and material items do not exist. You just are but you are not alone. Well until the orbs left me, the assholes.

Does anyone relate? I do not believe in an afterlife nor god, but those orbs gave me a feeling of love that I cannot pretend didn't change my life.

Dreaming of death and glowing orbs. Sorry I do not know how to edit the title. I just made this account to find someone who can help me sort of these feelings I have from these dreams. On a side note I dreamt last night I was outside a building with a friend. I never met this person in real life but I went lucid and took this opportunity to ask them what I should do in my life as currently I am 22 but not enrolled in university in the fall and weighing my choices. He had me go sit at this cement picnic table, it was a sunny day. I could feel the texture of the cement against my hands as I set them on the table to have a chat. He said "I know you liked France, but you should come to England and finish university there." I studied a year in France 5 years ago and loved it of course. I am in USA now. Never have had the desire to visit England. So I said "but how?" He told me that he would have me meet with this man soon who would explain everything. Well damnit my dog started yapping and I woke up. So frustrated! Maybe the man would have had real advice. Idk maybe I am desperate for an answer to all life's troubles.