Slice of dreamlife

Hello, I have not been participating in a while but thought I would share some more lucid thoughts or feelings I've experienced during dreams recently.

Awareness of lack of lucidity
I realized my finger was destroyed beyond repair, a gross and sad vision: "I have lost my finger forever". Time past. I was now in a drowsy but agitated state of thoughts. It felt like a lot was happening around me but that in this instant, my focus was turned inwards into thoughts. I remembered my destroyed finger but it felt like it would be very difficult to check if the memory was true. I was aware of how unclear and muddy my mind was. I consciously hoped it was because I was asleep. I hoped when I would wake up later, I would find out my finger was fine. So I consciously put a pin on that, thinking "I'll check on my finger once my mind is clear and hopefully this will all have been a dream."

The typical lucid dream
I was flying at high speed in the sky witnessing beautiful landscapes and somehow I noticed my hands. They were endlessly changing shape and I thought it was interesting that I was experiencing a very common lucid dream (it's not a common experience for me). That night, I was often lucid, finding pools to wade in and people to converse with. I was shocked how the pool remained where it was when I removed my shirt from habit. While I did it, I thought I made a mistake and the world would disappear behind a shirt that I could have just ignored into non-existence instead.

Somewhere in my mind
The dream was empty. I was just aware. It wasn't clear to me what state I was in but I knew it was an inner state, so I thought I might just pass the time imagining myself walking up a long spiral staircase and perhaps I would climb into a state of dreaming... but there was doubt in my mind. I walked up but this experience remained a superficial visualization that led to unconsciousness. When I woke up, I realized I could have been more confident.

Two dream experiences I shared in my last post represent a new pattern emerging in my dream life: awareness of my inner experience. I think it's new. Until now, I have generally focused on the stimuli or the events of the dream. But for a while I have changed my Reality checks to In-Out checks, making it a habit of identifying if a waking experience is "In" (planning, remembering, visualizing, etc...) or "Out" (the external world as perceived through my senses). I think this practice is finally having an effect on my dream patterns. Here are two more such dreams in which I look inwards.

On the job
I am sitting at a colleague's desk. She is describing our tasks for the day but my mind is not clear: I can't understand the tasks or conceptualize a plan to carry them out. And I notice this. I stop my colleague and I say "It feels like if I close my eyes right now... The whole world would disappear. I think I should call it a day and get home, come back when my mind is clearer."

Out on the town
I am out with friends heading to bars. I feel in the mood to get drinks but then I assess my state of mind and think "It feels like if I took even one cocktail, I might black out" so I decide to not drink to keep my grasp on reality.

Until now, it would not have been the norm for me to check my inner state during these scenarios. I would just get stressed because I can't do my job, or because I got lost. Only now am I finding the route of the problem: "my mind is muddy."

I have been spending so much awake time in an inner state consciously that I seem to identify some dream experiences as inner states ("I am awake and daydreaming").

I'm curious how this will synergize with my lucid dreams. It isn't clear yet but here's a lucid dream from this week: I am walking in a battlefield. I instantly remember my pattern of manifesting violent intent in dream characters because of my expectations and want to avoid it, especially with all the characters with weapons. I can't hesitate so I quickly choose a strategy: "calm confidence." I allow myself to feel powerful and safe. I preventively deflect each soldier's weapon I pass with a simple gesture. This is clearly not necessary because no one is attacking me but it makes me feel at ease. I spot the king and instantaneously decide we are great friends (a quick strategy to keep the dream pleasant: I am on these people's team). In any case, I walk up the hill with king where I can see the moving army, surrounding mountains, the castle and the sea. It's all really beautiful and I am impressed how many big and beautiful things my mind is simulating all at once.

If any of you have something to share about being aware of being in an inner state while dreaming or being aware of your lack of lucidity while dreaming, I am interested to hear it. It's an important step in my lucid journey and I haven't read a lot about this even on here. So, let's share :)