Strange lucid abyss of impending doom?
Between the ages of 8 and 15 I had fully lucid dreams and then they just stopped. After that the only lucid dreams I wake up once I realize I'm lucid (something I used to be able to stop.)
There is one dream however I can maintain lucidity. The dream begins and I am immediately fully aware and lucid (which never happens for me), but the canvas around me is completely blank. I don't physically exist I just see white, nothingness. This would be a fine achievement for me since I havn't had a lucid dream for a long time, so I go "ok cool i'm lucid" but this dream quickly becomes a dream I don't want to be in and can't control. In these dreams there is always a gradually increasing bad feeling, thats a mixture of brain piercing noise, anxiety, and fear. It always starts subtle and I think "I can handle this" but then it quickly grows and feels like its going to scramble my brain. I've gotten frusterated that I can't maintain a normal lucid dream so I stubornly say "This is just a dream, this feeling doesn't even exist" so I endure it to the point where I feel the ease of waking up slipping and I get to a point that feels like a "Point of no return" place when its at its worst and still getting worse and I end up fighting to wake up no matter how much will power I muster to try to endure it. When I wake up I feel like I just ran a marathon, sometimes my head will hurt, and I will still hear that brain scrambling noise fading.
I'm curious if its a form of sleep paralysis. But it makes no sense to me because sleep paralysis is... about being paralyzed, I am lucid and thus choosing to be in the state.
Has anyone else experienced something similar or have any thoughts?
