My first (short) LD

Wow, finally, I've had the pleasure of having a LD. I think I joined this forum a couple of weeks ago. Since then, I have tried to attain lucidity, but in vain. I believe there were multiple reasons for that. I had exams in school, so that meant only 5 hours sleep a night. Also, someone who was very dear to me died because of cancer. So focussing my mind on LD was quite hard for me.

A couple of nights ago, however, I dreamt that this person was still alive. These dreams kept coming back to me. In those dreams, I was really happy, but once I woke up, I was sad. So i resolved to make sure that those dreams wouldn't occur again. The next night, I had a similar dream, but this time I knew it was a dream. Before I had the chance to get sad, I looked at my hands and tried to create a fireball(like in the TV show "Charmed"). It worked, so I knew it was a dream and I threw it at a tree. No effect. So I made another. Then I realised the fireballs were all too small. So i tried to make it bigger and bigger, but in my exitement, I woke up.

I woke up with mixed feelings. I was off course exited that I had had a LD, but on the other hand, I was sad, because it felt like I "used" this person to attain lucidity. I just don't know what to think of it.

Anyway, just thought I'd let you guys know...

I would think of it more as a gift they gave to you, as something to remember them by. They will always be there for you in your dreams.