Camo
Member

A day is cold; a girl can see her own breath of life.
A dusty glass window beside is covered with frost,
A little girl not older than ten is locked outside on a veranda.

The sky is darkening to icy blue
It is reaching for her; a cold thing, a dark thing.
Hands as white as bone and snow
She crouches and clenches her legs tightly
Warmth sieves through her claws like desert sand.

Whimpering,
She desperately bangs a glass… locked door beside.
Daddy, let me out! I won’t cry, let me out!
Is he sleeping?

Her runny nose is red like Rudolf,
Not Santa, she whispers herself, not Santa.
Clever girl knows it was her dad dressed in Santa.

Shivering, she punches a sliding glass door, bang.
Making noise might wake him up.

But… she drops her hand feebly.
He hates noise; he hates a child crying like a child.
A bitter dry cold was too much for a little girl.
Her body is numbing with stiff pain and blue,
Her thumbs have dry crevices trickling with blood.

He won’t let me out, till I give the right answer.
Silence will unleash the sentence
The obedient girl keeps her breath as silent as possible.

Santa doesn't like crying kids.
Only the dripping sound of tears fills the air

Daddy let me out.

I finally succeed in WILD which was not wild at all. ^_^
I did not expect it to happen.
Last night I was very tired and slept late,
But I strongly will myself to wake up between binaural beats.

I must had been between sleep and awaken; a drowsy stage.

I was in a mustard seed coloured room.
I quickly did RC; bending my right hand, plugging my nose and looking at my cellp…
It was not there.
My smart phone with a little fur attached to it was not there.
So I knew this must be a dream.

After all…… I was floating.

This is THE first time to realize I am dreaming.
Like a person who first encountered a concept of internet,
I was thrilled.
I can ‘think’ as if in real life! This IS a revelation!

However I did not want my excitement to ruin this new experience,
So I calmed myself down.

I moved slowly towards a ceiling with a little shelf painted in white.
There were pottery dolls; delicate and fragile, but pretty.
I saw them at Costco.
They were twinkling and shining.

I wanted to try summoning my imaginary character,
But I must have thought too hazily. I could not do it.
On a side of the wall, I tried drawing a window with my finger.

I noticed a weird sensation.
I could think fast, but my body moved like scrolling a slow moving mouse; stifling a user.

I failed my task.
Probably because I did not know how my imaginary character would look like.
Not enough imagination and clarity, I stated.

I opened my eyes from sleeping.
It was still a middle of night, I could try another dream.
Unfortunately I was too well asleep after that.

But it was a nice dream.

The sun is overwhelmingly too bright; it is literally burning my skin red. The heat is just unbearable. You could probably make a fried egg from heated asphalt. A view of parking or almost melting cars in annoyingly straight, accurate line looks distorted from heat waves. I bet it’ll be like an oven inside there.

I did not have any supper last night, so I’m ‘very’ hungry in a dream. My stomach aches with hunger. My throat seems to have some sand in there, its painfully poking and quenching for a fire extinguisher.

OMG at this point I can either become living bacon or die from starvation, so I looked around… …

A tickling wind, full of dryness, gently carries an alluring smell.

It is like seeing a paradisiacal oasis in a scorching desert.

A mouthful of juicy fried chicken, glossy ketchup shining like a sweet red lipstick, and… … an addicting CRAB BURGAR!!! Ah~ I cannot miss a stinging soda pop (^_^) drinking a nice cup of ice-floating coke will be THE highlight in this damn weather.

Foods that can full you with smells~~!!
I can already feel my mouth waters.

Grrr…… My stomach let out pitiful sounds of grumble.
This… … this is irresistible… Can’t help it~~

I ran straight towards the root of the smell with sweaty feet. The name McDonald where I despised as an axis of evil for mass producing fast-food, increasing obese population was not a concern at this point. There would be a clean cool air condition…. In….

As I pant through an automatic glass door was… refreshing my… …

There was a messy mass crowd.

Flocking tightly like ugly ants, they were densely crowded in front of the order line. They must be owners of those cars at the parking lots; they were like desperate people at a market on doomsday. They were frantically reaching counters in an urgent hurry. No order, no straight lines from the parking lot can be seen in this chaos.

Is there a special discount or what?

It was at least dry out there. God… in this restricted space with ‘this’ amount of people… Moist and heat from cooking foods and people made such a harmonious combination to create an unbearable humidity. They must have taken some kind of hideous drugs in a group; acting like possessed demon, hurling and pushing like mad bulls. I am shocked and absolutely disgusted with the horrifying scene of HELL.

Should I get in? Out?
I hesitated from the entrance, when I felt a sudden push from a big bear like man behind; entering, and was forced to thrust myself into an embarrassing looking line, or more like a crowd.

AH~~ AARK~~!! I’m squished~! Heat rash~!

I am already sweating - my clothes wet, and the yucky smell, of closely attached people cannot be covered with what once was an adoring food smell.

So this is how it looks like when people get insane together. Their own greediness fluently allows them to step over one another like zombies; slowing the line. Maybe school students are learning about morality because for this evilness every human has. I am shocked with this unexpected chaos, seeing such hypocrisy as human in general; openly allow me to infinitely disgust those hurling beasts. (Especially to the bear like man, smothering his armpit directly ‘on’ my face)

I am not going to abandon my dignity like those hideous creatures. Haste makes…. wa… waste… Servers are working with speed. There are only three in front of my line.

When’s my turn?
I annoyingly traced my side of server and then had to bulge my eyes with amazement.

In middle of this moist filled, swaying heat hellish condition, there was a cook; sweating and working hard with his passion. There was no haste in his every motion; placing a juicy patty on a toasted bun. Every move has its old, significant meanings like… … Kung-Fu, I can see the soul of artist in simple swift as flipping patties. It is a totally different class of passion from a selfish greed. His sweaty shirts, overwhelming conditions, terrifying beasts…. Yes… like a blossoming lotus from murky mud. He has a halo of enlightened light; glowing.

This IS a touching sensation. That’s the taste of an artist; every beads of his sweat adds to the heavenly flavor. I can partly agree with their craziness… the burger… looked so beautifully scrumptious, I unconsciously gulped for hunger.

“(Sour-sweet) chickens and a (melting) crab burger. Here’s the large size cup, drink is a self, sir ~♡”

Ha…
Siren cannot be as adoring as this voice.

Be… pa…patient… I MADE a commitment. Got to keep… li… lining… for chicken! Fries! Coke!

Servers’ hands are rescuing desperate refugees. Well in this situation it can be rightly called as Hands of God. Teasing hands shakes fries from oil are… indescribable. Servers pick customers as they like; giving order, such action divided grief and thrilled excitement among beasts.

That lucky fellow over there got food from the counter; voraciously devouring them as if his life is on thread. He sensed my stunned stare and fiercely glared back at me with flashing eyes full of madness

Maybe that’s a drug burger.

Famished devils scrounge around the counter; those who gets the food gulp without chewing. Those passionate mass customers must give them plenty of revenue.

Just then……
I found a piece of chicken, covered with dust. Must have been flown away by a fight.

Should I…… eat… it?

I furiously shake my head side to side.
Trial must be overcome for a hero.
Non~~!! Can’t lose my wits~~!! That tiny piece of chicken can’t… de…FEAT me~!!

Energetic pledge allowed me to cowardly push the tempting chicken to the side with my right foot. Simultaneously the extremely irritating bear-like man snatched it with an amazing speed; comparable to an eagle striking a fish, and smoothly threw it into his mouth, smiling in satisfaction. Such an aversion scene helplessly gave me goose bumps.

‘Were you that hungry?’
I blankly stared at this huge looking man with astonishment.

There’s a rouse

In this highly dense population in this small cramming store, overflowing with heat and humidity, everyone’s tempers are at the peak, it is expected. As if gabbing and struggling was not enough, two hot-headed beasts are punching each others with their fist.

But… the problem is…
Shit! Its right in front of me!

God is giving me this time of trial for what? I was trying to be a decent ‘human’ for God’s sake! This is OUTRAGEOUS! Other lines are going forth and forth, why me? Why now?

Those two animals are completely oblivious of other people waiting in line. They are now barking each others at top of their throat; there was a forming crowd surrounding them, cautiously holding their precious food. The sight just gives me a fret. Unfortunately I was swept around by that mess and ended up unwilling had a best sit; wide open close to the fist fight.

I am dying with hunger and those two ass-holes are observing each others; each carrying a dagger and a shield like gladiators. Blood thirsty crowds are showing vain on their neck roaring for blood.

This troublesome scene made my head ache with anger. I gave a pleading glance to a server; wearing a blue cap, to help me, but he gave an awkward smile and set off for a better view.

I sigh… (Ha….)

What’s this… I was just hungry and came to this damn store, eating like decent dignified human as a straight bamboo stick, waiting in line. And now… there are beasts happily enjoying their food with such teasingly gorgeous scent, and I can’t stand in the line for these asses, and my only seemingly savior the server deserted me for this violence.

I felt a bitter betrayal. A burning, volcanic fire slithers its tongue within my deepest heart.

What have I endured this for! What’s the reward for being such human? Even that bear-like man is gorging on his chicken! Why can’t I? Bullshit! This is all bullshit! I hate you all! I HATE this weather!

I was about to explode my suppressed madness out to the world; screaming and shouting my lungs out. But… a thin string of conscious allowed me to ‘think’ more rationally. Instead of wastefully spending my calories, I should go and order my food for good. So I stressfully and aggressively pushed others to side towards the counter.

Suffocating heat from those maniacs are relieving here. I can comfortably breathe now. I gave a deep breath to exhale some negativity. A bit of sense knocked my brain with relief.

I pitifully gave a quick look at that clumsy bunch.
Tut, I would usefully use my time to order food then fighting like dogs.

All those beasts must have gone through now. I wonder where those servers went (too obvious) only a hard working girl with a pony tail was at the counter; organizing stocks and cleaning. The look of responsibility gave me a favorable impression.

I must be the last customer in line. How did I wait … for … so long… I felt a sudden abruption of anger arousing from stomach, so I quickly spat out my order. I will have much and slowly satisfy my victory soon.

“Fried chicken, a large size crab burger, medium French Fries, super-size cu…p…”

The woman gave a questioning look of wonder.
“We’re out”







What????????

I think… … I’m dead.

I can’t be too sure, because I do not recall the time of my death, and I’m now floating around the air like a ghost. My body is defying a law of gravity, but I do not have any sensation of flying. My vision is on the air, that’s all. Anyway I’m now stalking a middle school girl with impressive cherry blossom coloured hair like Sakura (from Naruto). She is a ghost whisperer who can ‘see,’ and communicate with (almost a ghost-like) myself.
I cannot remember what we talked about, but there was another yellow hair girl who can also ‘talk’ to me like a normal person.

‘I wonder if kids nowadays can talk to a ghost.’

Other students in a classroom have not noticed my presence yet, so I guess those two girls are special. Maybe they are best friend who sharing secrets about a ghost.

Another intriguing fact was that the teacher in front of the classroom can ‘see’ me. She looked directly into my eyes, “Who’s the intruder~ hm?” And gave a sly fox like smile that mazes other students.

I did have a hectic day with the cherry blossomed hair and we left the school together. Those two ghost whisperers lives in different directions, I hesitated for a moment to choose who to follow. ‘Yellow hair?’
I decided to follow the cherry blossomed hair that had spent more time with me.
As we went down for a subway station, she kindly offered me some white cream

‘But I’m a ghost…’

She insisted that it was full of nutrients good for my skin. I hesitantly took her offer.
Ha… (sigh) I’m a ghost… who cares about skin?

I decided to reconcile this situation by applying the cream on my face. A bit of cream had a sweet taste, there must be some honey mixed with it.
I do not recall of getting on a subway, but I met a very scary looking obese lady along the way. For some reason, the lady was steaming with anger. All of sudden this lady; coloured with red and purple, roared out an evil dark cry and stormed toward us as we casually walked.

‘I guess this cream is tempting her.’

She must have some kind of diabetes, addicted to sugar. I yelled and abruptly pushed the Cherry Blossom Hair.

Run quick! Get up the (subway station) stairs!!

I faced this dangerous lady charging like a mad bull.
I struggled with her, tossing and slapping her ugly and oily face. A boldness locked inside my heart was released and I won! Before I could even taste a momentous victory, I ran upstairs; worrying about the girl.

‘Is she safe? She should be…’
The fat hazard is now clear, but I still shivered with unknown easiness.
She was lifelessly lying face down on asphalt. She is only few steps away from the stairs… Why? Is she lacking stamina? Fortunately there was a shabby hospital across a street. I put her left arm around my neck, and carried or rather dragged her towards the building at a green signal. Her unconscious body kept slipping away from my grip; drooping. Is it because I’m a ghost? I’ve been fine till… now… her limp body is heavier than usual.

Just before I finished crossing, I lost the grip, and she went head first, hitting the cold, black asphalt. Is she really dead? Is it because of me? Maybe I was unconsciously harming her by stealing her energy. Why is she like this?

Ah… a sign’s going to be red now… need to hurry up. I gathered my anxiety and nimbly avoid cars with temper. I barely held her by my side, and finally entered an automatic glass door to the small hospital.

This poor looking hospital even had a reception. A leisurely sited nurse and an old homeless looking man, lazily crossing his legs on a long, comfy but worn out chair where patients are supposed to sit. The man was supposedly a doctor wearing a white gown; turning yellow. He absent mindedly stared at us for a second; he put one arm on the chair and held his cigarette between his fingers. He lightly tapped it into a cigar pot, and bit it again.

He snatched the girl away from me, roughly laying her on the chair for a close inspection.
I got agitated and frustrated with his lame behavior, but couldn’t say a word to someone who might figure the problem. He exceedingly fanned my anger with a deep puff of smoke, and slowly asked,

“What do you think?”

‘Such a Quack Doctor!! Is he asking ME for a symptom?’

I fidgeted with anxiety and briefly answered, “Too much sugar?” He seemed disappointed and listed “Tomato… Vegie…” and comfortably threw himself on an opposite chair with arousing grey dust; lying.

OMG Cherry Blossomed Hair is now twitching her whole body.

Is she really dying? For going upstairs? She’s kind… what do I do?

I decided to just give the story the old, bored looking quack Dr. wanted:
Once upon a time there was a three-year-old baby. A ten-year-old kid was fretting with its wooden expression. So the kid tried to grab its attention by shaking noisy toys. But the chic three-year-old wouldn’t budge. The kid pushed a sound making book, and a little bell that suppose to give a giggle. When he was finished, he cautiously looked at three-years-old with twinkling expectation.
The three-year-old was still blankly stared at one point, but the kid felt the world stopped.... for a moment.

The three-year-old smiled.

The kid thought. For 10 seconds,
the world seems to hold a breath around the three-year-old.
Yes… you know… that… I was unknowingly ignoring the girl by trying to pick a right word to describe this.

The quack Dr. tired of waiting gave another puff, and continued.

Ye~ah… right…
so for 10 seconds the ten-year-old kid fell in LOVE with three-year-old…

Tut… …

Those saucy boys… already in….… Love?

Is he the TS version of myself? Never seen him in my life, but it’s definitely someone I know full well.
Anyway, he stared at me for a long time, and all of sudden said

‘Love you,’

He smothered me with his big, free hug. Wow~ it’s so warm~~ ^_^

For a long time we heard each other’s heart beats and warmth which felt sooo good. It was like a teddy bear hugging a mama bear. I rubbed myself into the big chest of a guy version of myself. His scent seems to tickle my nose, giving me an extra comfort and a satisfy smile.

I smiled bitterly;
Have I ever hugged someone in my life?
I already know the aching answer to that question.
I did not want to let go of him, so I gave him the best hug I could.
A pocket of warmth filled a vacant lot I fail to notice.
It was like one of those aching winter with knife like wind.

Shivering with a red nose, cold as a frozen fish.
Staying in a wooden house overflowing with coziness and love,
Drinking the sweetest and the warmest hot chocolate,

I just know it; he really truly loves me dearly as an unconditional love.
The honey sweet emotion brought me a twinkling tear at the corner of my eyes.
The warmth flows rhythmically through the whole body with beating heart.

It’s… warm… like bathing in a hot tub… I felt rich…. And sleepy….

It was a good dream.