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    About chajadan

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    About chajadan
    LD Count:
    many, for years
    I'm an individualist who values all beings, in heart if not in deed.

    I had a spontaneous lucid dream at a young age before I had even heard of such things. I of course understood I was dreaming at the time and I happen to take control of my dreams in ways not generally possible while awake, but the next morning I just passed over the idea altogether. Years later I heard about lucid dreaming and was like, hey! I did that once! I got a Stephen LaBerge book, read it, and went on to have many more lucid dreams after that day I heard about it.

    Like many others, I highly value lucid dreaming.

    I participated in a lucid dreaming class at Oberlin college once -- it was a class taught by students and open to the community. The cool thing was that, being one of the most experience members of the class, I got to help others. And it was so nice to see that with as many complete newbies to lucid dreaming as were in the class, by the end of the class which met once a week, every single person had had a lucid dream.
    90034, CA
    Self Expression, Foreign Languages, Mathematics, Fitness, Lucid Dreaming
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    Recent Entries

    suddenly sexual, trapped by Miley Cyrus, my soulmate, and a break in

    by chajadan on 04-18-2014 at 06:13 PM
    someone was telling me a story or something, and then it turned totally and unexpected sexual. It was nice too. And then they explained to me that it was like a joke of sorts, or satire, but that the sudden change was trying to make a point about something from the past that had been said about them

    I'm in the place and suddenly feel like I'm about to be caught/trapped, so I started busting through windows as the quickest way out. I go through several, and then, I see a change sweep through the room, and that tells me that I've been surrounded by another dimension, and that busting through the windows won't do me any good -- I'm trapped. The person who comes out to see me, who trapped me it seems, is Miley Cyrus. She seems to be there to actually tell me something about my friends, as a help/warning/alarm.

    I have scenes where Jason is a character. He's never manifest present, but I feel like he's all around, and that we are together. I was very nice.

    I'm talking to this group of people, I guess we're all like dead, and I'm saying that the nice thing about emotional pains is that you have a certain element of control. I guess I'm smiling as I say this, and this female is like, why are you smiling, that's some sick twisted shit, like back in the day. I say I guess I'm smiling over the control, the good part, not that one has a problem that needs controlling. She tells me about a problem she has, and my face turns somber -- I point out that I'm not smiling over that.

    This guy is trying to break into some place. He's about to come up this pipe that is jammed open. I want to make the pipe go back down, but it's lodged on some stairs, so it won't go down. Apparently earlier he had done something tricky, and like, gone down the pipe but not all the way, so that when the pipe was raised, it was raised more than it should be since he didn't descend the whole way -- something like that -- which ended up resulting in the jam. He comes up through the pipe and I'm the only one there. He goes over to this pool of water and just absorbs right into it. I think I'm going to follow him, and the water looks ominous, but I do go in and absorb into the water too.

    There are these people being "attended to" by "doctors", though a lot of this seems fairly coerced. The docs are putting this thing down the patients throats, and then it kinda spins and they pull it out, and as it comes out it's not kinda bristly and spirally, like a vacuum brush. It spins very very quickly on the exit, like a drill. I start to get the feeling that this is not good, and I sense that others sense the same thing, and that there is about to be a battle of wills as the patients begin to refuse "treatment"

    Ending a dry spell, and ToTM in the nick of time.

    by chajadan on 03-26-2014 at 11:10 PM
    My lucid dream starting like many of my dreams lately, with me standing up with some effort. I thought I was dreaming, but I also thought I might be actually standing up IRL (which ~has~ happened to me before!), but I quickly realized I was dreaming. I walked around to find somewhere. No one else was around. At one point I turned a few corners and ended up at like a dead end. I stared at the wall and just stared, and that made me feel like it was going to make me lose lucidity, so then I walked away and relaxed my focus and that seemed to help. At one point I meandered into a room where there was a bed (I had been seeking) and it looked like there was a naked man in it, but the scene did not last long enough to be specific.

    Later and lucid I completed a DreamViews Task of the Month. In my dream, I saw this lady walking at a distance and I shouted over to her, "WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME", but we were too far to hear each other, but as she drew closer (we were kinda going parallel but converging), I asked again, and she said Judith. Then, a couple other dream characters showed up and it seemed like I was gonna get a line of DCs all wanting to tell me their middle names! but I wasn't actually even told another one.

    Later, and less lucid but still aware of the context, I remembered feeling like I was in a cramped space with rowdy people, and so I didn't feel exactly safe or at ease, kinda like a tailed animal around a lot of feet and legs.

    stolen money, sweet specs, and condom checks

    by chajadan on 03-17-2014 at 06:41 PM
    I was counting money and it was taking me some time to do it, like I couldn't quite figure out how to count it correctly, but I kept trying, assuming I'd get it. Then this girls comes up to me and gets a funny voice and says she took $100+ dollars from me. I remember having been it her shoes, and so I grab a 20 from the mix and give it to her. She's so happy about that, and surprised she's not being punished. I think to myself, she just turned herself in, that should be rewarded. Now (IRL) the whole punishment/reward spectrum just bugs. Anyway, then she grabs all the people/family together and says "we're gonna have a free party!", meaning she's treating. I do my best to be encouraging and facilitating at keeping the idea alive.

    At one point this person mentions that I was crying a lot, and I was like, yeah duh and stuff right? There's always something to cry about I'm used to it. They sympathized over my hardships, and kinda hugged me close.

    We walking as a group down this corridor, the setting seems to be school. The are two sets of kids, black kids and white kids. We all have these sunglasses, some kinda yearly school thing. The black kids' glasses have a lot more personally, and the white kids' glasses are kinda generic and non-descript, bare even. Someone mentions the look of the white kids' glasses (which includes me and mine), and I say we didn't get a choice in the design style, and I bet you guys, the black kids, didn't either. In other words, I'm saying your glasses may be funked out, but that's likely just the effect of other people's views too (even if it was just the legacy of some long ago black student).

    So there's this scene of slightly uncomfortable ideas. Nothing horrific, but it's a just useless noise I don't really want to entertain. People fitting into tight spaces, people getting stuck. For the most part it came across as someone else in those situations, and that was preferable to me. Then I was walking out along this snow over water, not sure if/when I'd fall through into freezing water, and given the inevitableness of ending up in these type of situations, I couldn't be bothered to emotionally respond to the situation, and just accepted the water will do it's thing despite any emotional design I put on it, so why bother.

    I'm walking by and I join in on the sexual scene. I seem to recall having this feeling like finally I was able to join in, not because of my proximity or their acceptance of as much, but like because some obligation (to self protection?) or external restraint was no longer in place. As I join the scene, the centrally hot non incidental person comments about how nice it suddenly feels, and he suspects the effect isn't from his previous partner alone. He tries to get that person to show them whether it was them alone or not that made him feel good. He sees it wasn't really him. Then I do the same thing to him we'd just been doing, and my it did feel good. It was like a form of indirect stimulation, like rubbing the soft spot of my neck up and down in dick, like you know sometimes you just hit this sweet spot. By now it's just him and me, and we continue being sexual. He starts to give me anal, but I'm like, are you wearing a condom? He says not yet, but he won't ride me long enough to cause issues before he puts one on. The idea tempts me and is somewhat logical, but I don't fully trust his ability to not pre-cum in me. We end up stopping and having a sit down moment where we discuss safety and the choice we make. He's always been more sexual. I was just waxing on about the dangers we invite in, and he seemed to kinda have a new appreciation of what I meant. The whole scene went on to be about how he and I began having sexual interactions that were outside of the smooth/uncomplicated/ and hardcore moments he was used to. Instead they were more awkward, like even logistically, harder to get oriented, less immediately satisfying, but which ultimately were growing to something very rewarding. We achieve this interested orgasmic state which was nice, but not uncontroversial, in that for a while the orgasm state seemed to say it's not that you feel necessarily good here, it's that you feel strongly here, and some of the sensations while not adverse enough to be a deterrent, we not the type of thing you'd shoot for. It comes up that in that state and he's keeping it alive, he could get slapped by me, and he has a dejected response saying oh yes, thanks for letting me know that's a possibility, and I'm like, yeah well, it's not as likely to happen with me involved, but what do you expect when it's not all a good feeling.

    === Don't Mix Friends And Business ===

    by chajadan on 01-31-2014 at 06:58 PM
    === Don't Mix Friends And Business ===
    I was in this store, like a rite-aid, and my friend was working the counter. It was my turn. She said something to me about something. I pulled out my money and put it down on the counter. She said something to me about how I could really being spreading illness with all that unnecessary laying out of things, implying I should just plunk down something exact and not do inventory on her countertop. I don't recall the exchange in detail anymore, but I end up getting upset and raising my voice, going into some diatribe.

    === An Old Console ===
    I'm using this video game console, something old, puts me to mind of the old mac my aunt Ruthie's and uncle Dennis gave me. There are games, and it had multiple open windows with icons in a taskbar. This is a recurrent theme for me, or something old I'm returning to, like getting back to an outstanding plan.

    === A Hard (To Manage) Workout ===
    I'm at the gym with this boy, he puts me to mind entirely of my cousin Daniel. The first exercise we're doing is with a barbell, doing overhead shoulder presses. He asks me how much weight I'm doing and I try to read the bar's weight but I'm not exactly sure how to do it. I'm not sure it each weight has it's own value on it, or if the highest number gives you the total. It seems like there's around 140 or 160 on the bar, and he comments that that's not bad at all. I give it a try and it's too much for me, so I go to take some weight off. It's a little tricky dealing with the weights, I'm not used to these kind. They're like, thinner than I'm used to, and weirdly shaped with like, flat plates between them. I end up taking off way too much weight and being left with like, 6 pounds. So I'm still dickin' around with these weights and my partner says he's going to move on the something else, and I was like yeah yeah, of course, obviously no need to hold you back. As he's going away he hands me this like, stack of papers, for me to take them home. The papers are some publication from around there, like the squelch at berkeley or something, and it seems I was originally planning on taking them all for some reason, but instead decide I'm going to take just one. Well as I'm trying to pull out that one from underneath the bundle ties, this guy sees me and is all like hey buddy! what are you doing with all those papers. He assumes I'm just taking them all, which to be fair had been the original idea. I tell him hey look, I'm just taking one. This conversation seems to be in Spanish. He gets someone else involved it seems and I walk away leaving the rest of the pile and reassure him that the rest are all still there. As I'm walking away I see a naked dude standing by a locker toweling off by what seems to be the shower. Off course it catches my eye.

    === Going To School To Do Integrals After Being Up All Night ===

    by chajadan on 01-28-2014 at 09:32 PM
    === Going To School To Do Integrals After Being Up All Night ===
    I had been up all night and I had planned on skipping school. It looked like I was in an apartment with my mom, in the layout of Variel St. I decided I was going to go anyway. Apparently math was on the list of topics that day. I was thinking of integrals and seeing these formulas. Something about integration symbols that required a functional transformation prior to calculating the integral, and that they type of integral determined the function to perform, whereas standard integrals just require the integral step and no prior transformation. I referred to this thing called a "natural integral". Complex numbers came up too.

    === Slinky Diving Boards ===
    My mom and I are watching a scene of these two people, falling down this series of diving boards like a slinky, really exaggeratedly, like, flailing in the air. The diving boards are successively lower and further forward, like stairs, and head over head, the girl on the left (her right) and they guy on the right are tumbling, board by board towards the bottom. My mom rewinds the scene at one point and starts it from a point just a half second from where I would have liked her to, like when she fast forwards past commercials and cuts off a word or two. So they're falling falling until they're about to his the water, and it seems like one of them may land in the water and the other might get hurt, landing on a solid surface, but they both seem to hit the water. Then I'm in the water and telling this older woman not to worry, that "Bodies are beautiful", because it seemed for some reason that her top was coming off or was gonna end up being off. She responds as though she doesn't exactly agree.

    === The Dogs With That Illness ===
    I lying on this floor and there are puppy dogs all around me, just hoarded around, and someone comments about how the dogs love me. Someone says something about these dogs being known for some disease, some old fashion but heard of disease. They either get it a lot, or don't catch it very well, maybe they're like carriers that are immune or whatever, but at that time I have this feeling in my nose, this slightly stuffy hot feelings. I'm thinking maybe their presence might be healing, but I'm not entirely sure they won't make it worse.

    === The Balconied Chasm ===
    I'm with this kid and Spanish is involved, he's like speaking to me in Spanish. Then, we're by this building and there's like this plaque on this building. I mention to the kid that this place was specially selected for it's appearance. This place was like, two rows of balconied buildings, across a wide chasm, that could have had who knows what below, but it was far down. All the buildings had this like, clean tight appearance, and the plaque said it was chosen as the location due to that. So I told the boy, asked if he know that, and then showed him the plaque where it said as much. I felt like maybe we could lose our footing and get hurt, and the kid didn't seem to card, and I just let go of my concern out of a tiredness of always having to feel concerned about something.

    === Dementia Patients With Their Own Agenda ===
    There's this group of patients at a hospital in a room together. They are suffering from dementia. They're trying to protect one of their own, by keeping some information from the powers that be, in the hopes that the person they're protecting will get a benefit they were looking for, I think the ability to be checked out. Then at one point something goes missing and they do this search. The search is carried out by the patients and at the end this guy goes to tell this other patient guy about something that had gone missing with the intention of concealing that information from the powers that be, but those powers had gotten involved surreptitiously, so the one patient was really informing an authority when he thought he was just talking to another patient.

    === Getting All Your Friends Killed ===
    So this scene starts with this girl standing by a body and it's of some guy she had killed. Then this other girl comes up and says to that girl that she's gotten all three of them killed. Then this guy shows up and he's going to kill them. He rounds everybody up and he takes them along. As he is taking them to some destination, he runs into me and he asks me if I want to go with him and maybe do some work for him or if I want to be dropped off where the girls are going. I say where the girls are going is fine, and I'm basically saying I'll take my chances with death over being your minion. We get to our final destination and he comments to some other guy that I was the best of his workers. This guy rides by on a bicycle and I think he's going to kill me, but he just rides by. He takes the girl over to like a pier. He gives instructions telling her to jump into the ocean water at a certain time. Then I start seeing this scene about how, these whale like creatures, there are so many of them in the ocean and you'd think they run into each other a lot more often, but they way they barely dip to the ocean floor and then bound back up to the surface in these archs keep them from running into one another very often. I could see one under water and it put me to mind of a rolly polly, and had these like, claws. So with this woman in the water, that group of men is going to like, turn into these creatures, hunt her and rip her apart and eat her. As that's getting ready to happen she ends up instead on their ship as a hostage. It seems her life might be spared. They have this thing on her throat and she's told if she doesn't scream she may survive. This thing causes her a ton of pain, and she does her very best to not let any sound escape, and so far none has. The guy says that her throat will eventually heal itself, she need not worry. Well then at some point she ends up escaping into the water, and they try to catch her. I can see the water shining along the water in search of her and they see her, but then she skirts away at a lighting fast, non-human, speed. Those guys send a squadron of four women into the water to find her, and they seem like a formidable team. At one point they try to get her, but she dives down deep into the water, so they follow her, but she does something tricky and ends up making one of the squadron members seem like her down there, so that one of the other squadron member's rushes on her. They do, and they figure out they're wasting their time. Now the scene changes (perhaps a different dream fragment later) and the female escapee is by this 18-wheeler. She takes her opportunity and slips over this fence. On the other side is this group of three family members playing. When the girl is followed over the fence, they talk to the family, and the family seems to have an agenda, and they try to act like they know nothing and save the girl, but it also seems like they have some skills, and maybe are intelligence forces against those bad guys.