Kumara
Member

10/04/2011 Tuesday morning

Back door trouble. Again. And cats. Again.

I totally invite feedback on this dream, as I've had a series of locked door/cats/black people dreams for the past few weeks and am open to a more expansive perspective...

I was in my (dream) home/apartment with 2 black women. There is a knock at the back door (which is in my bedroom), or someone is trying to get in. I don’t want to go to the door (fear), so one or both of the women go to the door to see who is there.

After a pause, I follow them into the room…someone wants in and it seems like bad trouble. I notice that the deadbolt isn’t locked, so I turn the bolt carefully so whoever is outside doesn’t notice or hear, hoping that I’m doing it right and not accidentally UNlocking it. It sounds like a black man or men on the other side. Another lock appears above the first deadbolt and I locked it, too.

They leave – and I’m not sure of the sequence here –
I have a conversation with someone who tells me not to worry too much about those guys, that someone else used to live here and that’s who they were looking for. They were expecting food is all. I thought, “is food all they want? I have that! I can feed them.” And thought of how I like to show care for people by cooking for them.

But that seems out of synch with another snippet –
After ‘they’ left, I walked out the back door, and there was another room, like a sun room, that I didn’t realize was there. There was a big blue door, with a big glass pane, antique-looking (reminds me of Sesame Street door). That door had a big lock on it, and after talking to one or both of the black women that was with me, determined that one of them had left it unlocked.

I looked around the ‘sun room’ (not exactly right…maybe a sitting room?) and noticed the charred remains of a dog’s head, and ribcage. I was thinking, these people are not fucking around. It was a warning from them, that my dog (a boxer, who I suddenly “remembered” I had) would share a similar fate if he tried to protect me. I imagined the horror of my dog being skinned and burned and felt bad.

Skip to – my sister A is jumping on a trampoline in the sun/sitting room, to my left. Both of my sisters are over – K is maybe in another room adjacent to the sun/sitting room that appears in a way that isn’t really 3D.
To my right is the blue door with the big glass pane. Sitting outside on the doorstep are many cats, sitting quietly all facing me intently. Directly in front of me is a cat that I identify as an ocelot, sitting on it’s haunches. It looks similar to only it’s fur is longer and tufted around it’s face. My mother says, “that one in the back, with the big head (body?), that’s known as the Pheonix Ob___”. I see one over to the right that is bigger and rounder, has something weird going on with it’s head, it’s more surreal than the ocelot, maybe more cartoonish.

Somewhere also in the dream, I realize that people are getting in and out of that back room through a flap cut into a plastic/vinyl window. I make a mental note to ask the landlord to replace it with glass.

08/04/2011 Thursday morning



***I remember dreaming in a dream, maybe lucid dreaming in a dream…

Dream 1 – (early in the night I think) I was in “my grandmother’s room” (IWL never seen before). A bed was to my right. Something about having a blanket that I was holding all four corners of, and the “ghost” (was like an unseen force) had filled the blanket and was pulling me up, over the bed. I was fighting it to bring it back down and not get pulled away. I managed to do that, and was back on the bed…something about a small stack of books on the bed.

I moved around maybe, and discovered that D was under the covers trying to sleep. I apologized or felt bad, that I had all that going on over him while he was in bed. There was more, that’s all I remember.

Dream 2 – I was sitting on what I thought was a bus, seemed like Seattle, with rows of people in front, behind and to my right. A couple of guys were on my right, and I watched one of them pull a didgeridoo out of a cover, while inserting a cardboard tube (like a wrapping paper tube) into the center of it. I was wondering why he was doing that, and he cut and spread the bottom of the tube in the bottom of the didj. I thought that he was doing that so someone else could play and not get their spit all in his didj.

One of them began playing, and a window like a puppet theater opened in front of us. “They” were putting on an “art” show for us on the bus. I wondered if we were moving, and if everyone was okay with just waiting on the bus and if anyone was concerned about being on time.

I noticed at some point that the seats were now more like chairs, like the sort of egg-shaped melamine chairs with metal legs.

The show was a couple of guys showing various things. At first I saw them show a couple of big mushrooms, that looked like paper mache. Then some crazy visuals, I remember in particular a big copier spinning around behind the guy, as some kind of filler until the rest of the show was ready.

Someone said something like, “You don’t have your line ready yet?” and a woman scrambled to get her part of the show ready. Then I was behind the scenes, and whatever got plugged in, and there was something like a doctor’s examine table in front of me, and three women who were maybe not real, made of plastic-like stuff, somersaulted from and over the examine table and skipped off to my right. I think one was hot pink, one was cyan, and one was yellow.

Fragment, possibly SP:

There was a "ghost" to my left, that was pulling on me and sucking me into it.
I experienced the dream ghost as a feeling of powerlessness and uncomfortable tingling like when a funny bone gets hit.

My dream dad was in the room (kind of like my dad, only much kinder, younger, healthier). Maybe we were talking.

I was now turned toward the "ghost", and DD on my left. The ghost was sucking me in headfirst, and the feeling of paralysis was spreading from my upper body down, and I was rising off the floor "into" the ghost.

My dream dad gently pulled me down and out and away from the ghost.

Bed @ 2am
Wake @ 7:45am

200mcg Huperzine-a
4mg nicotine gum

Dream 1 -
I was in a room that looked like a dressing room, rustic-style, wood. I walked out and approached a full length mirror.
I saw my features shift and blur and I knew that I was dreaming (for a moment).
I thought or said, "I want to see how beautiful I *really* am."
My hair was dark and thick and straight and started to stand on end, it freaked me out a little and then I turned and walked into another space. It was like a saloon, I may have walked through swinging doors. The room was full of men playing pool. All of them looked at me as I entered, and they seemed to all be looking at me with hostility.

I felt a little unnerved, and tried not to show it and to appear confident. I passed a pool table where two men were playing a game of pool, all of the balls were 8-balls, there were a lot of them, more than a usual game, and some of them were sitting perched on plastic cups, my impression was they were filled with jack and coke and maybe water.

I picked up one of the 8-balls, and walked outside. I saw an area to the left and thought that I could go there if I imagined a bridge. I rolled the 8-ball on the ground like a bowling ball, flew up in the air, and asked, "what's beyond this dream?" and woke up.

**I wrote in my scribbles "Who are you really?" and I vaguely remember asking that in the dream

Dream 2 - At a place that was related to work in some way. I was sitting on a wooden porch, and there was a trapdoor that I had put a lot of stuff in. Colorful blankets, a clear plastic box of stuff. I pulled it all out and tried to put it back in neatly, and realized it wouldn't all fit back in. It all fit before because I had just tossed it in carelessly, and now that I was trying to organize it, there wasn't enough room.
I dug through the stuff in the plastic box, and there were two items that are hard to explain.
They were silver nickels, but they had silver tabs attached to them, it was like the tabs had to be removed before the nickels were valid. I pulled one off, and noticed the weight and the design of it, then pulled the other one and noticed that the design of it had changed and was now more scroll-like, more delicate, and the weight of it had changed to thinner and lighter.

I tucked a blanket in around the top of the stack, and chose the plastic box to take out while I closed the trap door. I was explaining all of this to someone standing to my right, possibly C.

Fragments - in a room with Teri, images or thoughts of a room full of women, of goddesses.
An image of staring at a drawing hanging on a wall of St. Christopher. It was sepia-toned.
Teri was sitting on the floor in front of me and I sat behind her and pressed myself against her, cuddling her from behind.
In a room talking to two guys, a contemporary couch like an Ikea couch, a scenic view from the apartment.
Talking to a couple of people in a modern kitchen, leaning over the bar facing them (they are in the kitchen). There are a couple of coinpurses on the counter and I look through each one to see what's inside.
I feel a little self-conscious, and explain that I just like to look through the change.
Something about noticing that all of the people in the room or in my life or something all had been abandoned or had abandoment issues.

I woke up from this dream about 30 minutes ago.

Bed @ 10pm
Wake @ 11:30pm
200mcg huperzine-a before bed

Some context: I just moved into an apartment that I got at a significant discount because someone died in it 7 mos. ago. Nothing too strange has happened, once the lights in the living room were turned on when I went in, and yesterday a rolled up black piece of fabric from I don't know what the heck was lying on the bathroom floor, that hadn't been there just a few moments before.

Also, just before bed I did a meditation on healing past relationships, something I thought of earlier as "giving up the ghost" because really with one guy I was in love with the ghost of who he seemed to be early on, but ultimately not who he really is.

So. I also had some pain in the left side of my belly, happens sometimes when gas gets trapped, I could feel the pain in my sleep. I tossed and turned and began dreaming in kind of a twilight state. I dreamed that a "ghost", an invisible being, was pressing on my belly. I was powerless and couldn't fight it off, it was annoying and painful and I couldn't do anything about it. I finally managed to turn over and the ghost started pressing me on the other side, and kind of batting me. I couldn't move, I couldn't swat at it, and it was annoying like a fly, in the way it was pressing on me and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to yell at it, and had no voice.

This went on for a while, until I managed to stand up and open a door and walk out. Up to that point, the scene was just like my room IWL, but the door in the dream was to the left of where my bedroom window is IWL, and there was a frame of a screen door. The ghost tried to keep me from opening the door, I went in and out of feeling powerless and paralyzed, and finally opened the door and stepped outside.

I could feel the wind catch the ghost and it began to dissolve and float away with the wind. It tried to get back into the apartment and close the door, but I held the door firm and felt more of it that had been wrapped around me fall away and dissolve. I think my voice returned then, too. Then I woke up.

After I woke up, I got up and moved around. My stomach still hurt, so I put some hot water on the stove to make some ginger tea, then decided as a symbolic act of acting out my dream I would open my front door and step outside...I stepped outside for a few moments, then came back in and heard a loud POP! and the sound of breaking glass....I had turned the wrong burner on and exploded a pyrex dish left on the stove. It felt like a release of energy, related to releasing the ghost or something. And now there is glass all over my stove and floor because I don't have a broom yet