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    4 Visitor Messages

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      Thank you. That means a lot.
    2. Thanks . I don't play HoN, I just liked the picture.
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      Hey, your avatar looks awesome. Keeper of the Forest ^^
      Do you play HoN?
    4. View Conversation
      This is for sure a weird tree you have there. ^_^
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    About Lucid-Wannabe

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    About Lucid-Wannabe
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    Gaming, Exercise, Machine Learning, Lucid Dreaming, Travelling.
    Research, Machine learning engineer, VFX, Post Production
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    Found it while searching for what a 'dream you control' is



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    02-17-2024 05:03 PM
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    Recent Entries

    Thoughts on what lucid dreaming means to me

    by Lucid-Wannabe on 05-17-2024 at 09:01 PM
    Before bed I was reading a novel and when I went to sleep the story just continued on throughout the night in my dreams. I kept waking up with the characters and plot going through my head and I could hear the characters voices. There were no visuals, it felt like I just never stopped reading and the experience continued.

    I haven't been carrying on any dream related practices in quite a while now. It just takes so much effort for so little results for me. I'm just thinking about my motives for lucid dreaming in general right now.

    I've always been fascinated by various ways of exploring altered experiences. Gaming being a big one that dominated my life early on. I touched on some psychedelics a bit but never went too deep because I would rather have control over having an intense experience.

    I guess freedom and control are things I've been chasing in my life, two things I didn't have much of early on. Escaping the status quo has always been my default means of viewing my life. I couldn't accept things most people take as totally normal. Like spending 8 hours of my day working, couldn't stand it.

    Ever since my first accidental lucid dream at around ~8 or so years old, I've looked at the phenomenon as a sort of anchor point in a way. That there is a potential world inside of me that offers complete freedom and creativity, even if it is brief and difficult to achieve.

    Not sure where I'm going with this, I think it's just that I haven't been happy with the way this experience of life has been. It's just felt restrictive and plain and the potentials for it to be otherwise are just so high. With how technology is going the future generations may be having the kinds of experiences I wish I had in this time. I mean, even in the next 40 years things should get pretty interesting, so barring anything crazy happening I'll probably be able to experience that.

    I guess I'm just bored.
    non-lucid , side notes

    Awoken from dream sleep

    by Lucid-Wannabe on 04-16-2024 at 04:49 PM
    I recently found an older SSILD tutorial on reddit that answered some questions I had about some aspects of it, so Iíve been trying it out the past few nights and felt like I was getting somewhere with it.

    Around 6 or 7am a plant light turned on in another room too early, so I got up and turned it off. When I went back to sleep I went through 5 or 6 quick SSILD cycles, then began the slow ones. I feel like when Iím focusing on my tactile sensations Iím making progress, I think I fell asleep during one of those cycles.

    One thing to note is that I had a benadryl around 6PM or so, my seasonal allergies were going crazy yesterday for some reason.

    Awoken from dream sleep

    On the side of a large smooth sloping hill/mountain there are many large nests attached to it with human sized eggs in them. I'm sleeping in one with two eggs around me. Something strikes the nest and I hear voices calling to me. I'm very tired and I look over the edge of the nest down the hill, there's a walking path down there that hugs the side of the mountain. P and a man are there looking up at me waving.

    P looks very excited and shouts up to me that I should wake up and join them. I go back into the fetal position and shut my eyes, I just want to sleep. They continue calling for me so I get up and find myself walking with them on the path.

    The situation is that P is looking for a new boyfriend and she had spent her time with this guy and now she wants to spend some time with me.

    P is now showing me a motherboard that she's building. She's talking about how she plans to put a chip in a specific spot that will translate the audio of a game she's playing into German. I feel like she's just saying that because I'm learning German and she's probably not actually interested in learning it.

    As she's talking I look at her, she's still looking at the circuitry talking away, the thoughts in my head drown out her words. I think to myself how beautiful she looks but also that I need to be with someone that I truly resonate with, I remind myself that I don't think that she and I would ever work out together.

    Suddenly we're in my kitchen and I'm completely lucid. I turn to her and say "... I'm lucid?" She's holding a bag of popcorn, she puts a piece in her mouth nodding and says "Yup!". I walk over to her and ask her if I can borrow the bag of popcorn, she hands it to me and I take it.

    I put the bag up to my nose and smell the hot air coming out, which of course smells like popcorn. I walk around my kitchen while smelling the popcorn, I'm very aware of the tactile senses of my body.

    I turn to P and say "It's so stable, like, it's SO stable!" She just smiles and says "Yeah I know!" She adds "Can I have the popcorn back?Ē I say sure and hand it off to her. I go over to various counters and look at labels on different packaging that I find. I find myself slightly less grounded since I don't have the hot popcorn wafting into my face anymore so I shift my attention back to the sensations of my body. I'm so caught off guard that I'm lucid, I just take in what's around me.

    As I turn around I find myself in a dark place that feels like an underground parking lot with hardly any lights on. There's a group of maybe 8 or so people huddled very closely together faced inward. It reminds me of that scene in 'I am Legend' when he finds those zombie like people in a dark building huddled together.

    I imagine a spotlight is shining down on them and it happens. The people are looking at me squinting, shielding their eyes with their hands. One guy says "Could you not?" My recall ends around here.
    lucid , non-lucid , side notes

    The Assassin - Spring competition night 6

    by Lucid-Wannabe on 04-04-2024 at 05:37 PM
    Since my last 'no caffeine' test I've resumed with going back to drinking coffee/etc but I've been wondering if it has been messing with my recall because it's just been terrible recently. So as of yesterday I'm again off the caff.

    The Assassin

    Inside of a dimly lit apartment I find someone knocking on the door. An asian woman comes in and a time lapse begins, showing the progression of several hours. It ends with us in the bedroom sleeping together.

    She wakes and is looking for something through two boxes. I go over to her side and think to myself that these are some boxes she must've brought here with her tonight. It's still very dark and difficult to see but I notice one of the boxes were full of yogurt containers. It looks like they are all bloated and leaking. "You know these should be refrigerated right?" I mention, but she seems to have other priorities right now.

    There's knocking on the front door, I head over and open it up. There's a group of ten to fifteen asian boys in a semi-circle around the deck, all around 15-ish in age. They're all saying the same word over and over again but it's hard to tell what it is over their accents. Then I notice something on the ground by the rightmost teen. At first I thought it was a Furby but I recognize that it's Gizmo from those old Gremlin movies.

    I point at it and say "Gizmo!" as I simultaneously realize that's exactly what they've been chanting the whole time. I get a kind of foreboding and ominous vibe from the situation, I shut the door and go back to my room.

    The woman reveals to me that she's an assassin and that she's doing some work in the area. I ask her if that's why there's a bunch of guys at the door. This puts her on high alert, she hands me a gun and says something about being found out and takes off.

    I suddenly find myself outside looking up at a walkway that wraps around a building, it could be a motel. The assassin woman is struggling to get away from a man that is behind her with one arm around her waist and another over her mouth.

    I still have the gun she gave me earlier, I take sight at the man but they're so close to each other, I don't want to risk shooting her. She shoved him away at one point and I pull the trigger, but an airsoft bullet comes out and it weakly arches downward. I wait for another opportunity to shoot and this time the gun fires violently loud, my recall ends here.

    The slaughter house

    As a floating perspective I view the inside of someone’s house that is being checked out by two police officers. The officers are saying there were reports of pigs being raised in this house and they wanted to see if that was the case. The owner is walking along with them with his ~5-ish year old son following the action. The cops only check a few rooms and then leave the house, satisfied that there were no pigs here.

    Then from one of the rooms they didn’t check a small piglet comes running around the corner the father grabs it and says to the son that he’ll have to kill it now. The child protests and asks why? The father says if he kills whichever pigs venture out this far into the house it will encourage the other pigs not to do so, as he lifts the piglets head and brings out a blade.

    My perspective leaves the house before I see/hear what happens next. I’m now semi-lucid and really disgusted at this man. I fly above the house and focus on the roof, I begin crushing it with my mind. The shingles and wood start splitting and bunching up towards a central point in the middle of the house. I think that this isn’t a productive way to teach the guy how fucked up his actions were as my semi-lucidity fades.

    Updated 04-04-2024 at 06:31 PM by Lucid-Wannabe

    non-lucid , side notes

    Parachuting into Mexico - Spring competition night 3

    by Lucid-Wannabe on 04-02-2024 at 05:43 AM
    I performed about 5 decent reality checks today and meditated for about 10 minutes before bed.

    Parachuting into Mexico

    Iím parachuting in over a landscape that appears to be Mexico. As Iím falling Iím looking at the roads and I get the dream knowledge that the wind here only blows in one direction. When the dirt and dust collects on the roads on the highway so that half of the roads are covered, instead of clearing the dirt off they build and extend the thickness of the roads so that they are the correct width again. I was wondering if all of the dirt was cleared off the one side of the road from all the times this happened, how thick would it be? I imagined the highways thickness extending like a massive parking lot.

    I land near a military outpost and I walk over to the side of the road and start kicking away the dirt and dust. Sure enough it uncovered more paved road. I kicked back maybe two feet of dirt before I was finished testing this.*

    Going back to the outpost, it seemed like there was only one guy here. I mentioned how strange the road thing was here but he wasnít familiar with the concept. He had a nice car parked by us and I was gauging in my head how much he must earn working here because of it.

    Card game

    A group of guys got together and designed a card game. Each card had stats like health and attack. There was a board with many pieces as well. Then they randomly dealt out the cards and decided that this initial dealing is how the game is required to be played every time a new game is started. They preserved the cards and the board the way it was set up so that future games can reference its current setup as how to start the game.

    *This dream is one of those themes where I'm completely absorbed in some strange dream detail. Going to make an effort IWL to be more aware when problem solving novelties.

    Updated 04-02-2024 at 05:59 AM by Lucid-Wannabe


    PA Again - Spring competition night 2

    by Lucid-Wannabe on 03-31-2024 at 05:36 PM
    PA Again

    It was dark out and ominous feeling, I was in the front of the PA house. I'm not sure what happened here but I feel like cars were being moved around, reparking.

    I'm now inside of the PA house and there's a sports car in the living room. V is in the driver seat and I'm in the passenger seat. L is in the living room and he begins playing some music. V turns on the radio in the car and it immediately drowns out what L is playing. L kind of looks over unhappily but leaves it at that.

    The car has a very long rectangular screen that stretches from the driver side all the way across the passenger side. V is now playing some game on that screen, using the car's steering wheel and other controls to play the game - it involves aircrafts shooting at eachother.

    I feel like I have mainly two types of dream themes. One being that I'm sort of just watching things happen in my dreams, often silently observing and just going along with it with minimal interactions - or mainly acting reactively. I don't feel like I'm in the driver seat often (or in this particular dream, literally).

    And the other theme is where I’m very engaged trying to figure out something novel or puzzle-like and I’m really absorbed in understanding the oddities that are in front of me.

    Looking at my day to day life I can see why my dreams are like this and I can pinpoint some changes I can make that would help with increasing my awareness with these scenarios.

    Updated 03-31-2024 at 07:24 PM by Lucid-Wannabe