lulapace
Member

I went out to work in the morning and when I came back (only a couple of hours later), I decided I should go to bed. I didn't feel like it, but I knew I was super tired. So I did, and did SSILD for a little while. But I couldn't even fall asleep. Then, later on in the afternoon, I felt really tired, so I put the radio on and went to bed. After a little while, I had a feeling like I was coming out of something very deep, everything was dark and the radio sounded funny, but then I felt like I was rising up out of it and I came back again.

Then I fell properly asleep. However, I wasn't aware that I'd fallen asleep (you know how when you have a nap and you feel kind of disoriented and you're never sure if you've slept or how much you've slept?). It was like that. I felt like for so long I just couldn't fall asleep, but I was half asleep for sure, and just day-dreaming. At one point, I lifted my head up and looked out of the window. I didn't know it then, but I was dreaming (unfortunately, I haven't been doing my RCs recently and so I never thought to do an RC after I'd 'woken up'). The other odd thing was, was that the sky outside was concurrent with how it should have looked in real life and there was all the condensation on the window that has been there today IRL. I'm just mentioning this, because I'm impressed at how very real the FA was. My vision was a little grainy and I couldn't hear the radio very well. This happened a couple of times.

Then I was really dreaming. I was walking through my apartment and my housemate was in her room with one of her friends and I thought, "Ohhh, damn, she's back already." (Again, this is pretty much real life, except she's not back yet. And everything was so realistic, nothing really bizarre and random like most dreams). I ran to the fridge and then back to my room, still not aware I was dreaming. I was back in my room and up on the wall I saw a little cupboard with the door slid half way open. I thought, "Who opened that?!" (Except I don't have a cupboard). Then I realised it was my bookshelf. THEN, my bookshelf had changed shape and was in the middle of the room, but apart from that, everything was exactly as it should be, right down to how my room is lit. I was looking at the books on it and I saw five new books that were not there before and are not there IRL, because they're back home. They were some of my favourites and I got really excited. I was like, "Hmm, wait....what..? Mum...?" And then it clicked. I looked at my hand and I had all these fingers and I suddenly felt there and conscious. It was pretty cool, but I suddenly had the most bizarre reaction. I started panicking and saying, "Wake up! Wake up!" Then I thought, "What am I doing?" and started rubbing my hands together. That didn't work, everything went dark and drifted away and I woke up and realised that I'd had some FAs. So 2nd LD and I ballsed it up again. Well, gotta keep on trying!

Lula x

Eeep!

Yesterday, I posted on one of the threads, "I will have a LD tonight. It's happening." Hahahahahahaha.

I can't remember a huge amount of detail about the previous dreams I had. Some stuff about shooting arrows, family very angry with me and shouting at me, some dogs? Things like this. But anyway, I woke up around 7:40 (I think). I didn't really want to move, I was a bit spooked. But, I thought I'd try the SSILD technique. I did a few cycles, but was kind of worried about how my thoughts were wandering, because I didn't feel like they were always wandering to random scenes, sometimes they were wandering to, "How will I write this up tomorrow? What's happening?" etc. I fell asleep, but woke up quickly. It was very realistic, but I did three RCs anyway. They all failed. I reached for my phone so that I would have that to use to RC. Weirdly, I was too afraid to turn around and get it, I just sort of hooked my arm behind me and grabbed it. I kept on doing the cycles and I feel like I got better at them, lost track of where I was, how many I'd done, etc. I thought I was having difficulty falling asleep, but actually it didn't take long. I was having some dreams about being in bed, with my computer next to me. I was just chatting to people and stuff. It didn't feel like an FA; it felt like a dream, but it was kind of like, I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't be bothered calling it out on it. Like I felt passive and partially aware, but not lucid. I'm not sure. This sounds really confusing. I don't know if anybody knows what I mean. You know it's not waking life, you know it's a dream, but that's as far as you go. You might do a reality check, but you're not actively doing it, you're just dreaming about doing it. You're in the dream and you know things aren't really happening, but you haven't made that full stretch into lucidity.

Anyway, I don't know what happened next, but suddenly I woke up, [or maybe my room changed and what I described above was me becoming lucid] and my computer was there but it was going wappy, and I just knew instantly I was dreaming, but this time, I was really there, I was active, inside the dream and I was aware. I sat up and held up my hand. It was dark and I could only see it's outline. It was kind of hard to focus on, but I only counted the right amount of fingers. Still, I knew I was dreaming. I shouted, "Omg, I'm dreaming!" But my voice was thick and distorted and I could feel the dream slipping, so I started rubbing my hands together and I was pleased that I remembered to do this. I calmed myself down for a second and then I got up and there were some things different about my room, and I kept on thinking, "Yes, I'm dreaming!" Normally, IRL, the prospect of waking up in my dark room, where stuff wasn't quite right, really spooked me, but in the dream, I felt confident and happy. I skipped across my room to my door and shouted out, "I will be in Teesside!" This has been a big goal for me in relation to LDing. It's all I can think about at the moment, so I think that's why I picked it. I got super- excited and thought, "Must do this NOW!" Anyway, the same thing happened to my voice and I felt the dream slipping so I remembered that I should crawl around on the floor to stabilise. So I did and it felt so unbelievably realistic that I got excited again and woke up. The time was 9:05.

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After a couple of minutes, it sunk in and I was overcome with emotion. The dream was short and kind of gloomy, but I'd finally had a LD! The thing that really got to me the most though was how unafraid I was. Like I said, this morning, with loads of light coming in, I couldn't even roll over to get my phone, and at night, I run back to my room, even with all the lights on. But in my dream, even with this crazy-looking computer and a dark, shadowy room, I felt nothing but joy. All those fears just disappeared.

I just can't get over it; it was the most incredible feeling in the world. It's mind-blowing. Now I know why you guys are hooked

I can keep this up.

Lula x

So I only remember one of my dreams from last night and vague fragments of others, which are slipping away now. The reason is, I was woken up by someone calling me and they said I had to go into work, I had to be there in 10 minutes, etc. So I was straight up and out of bed with no time to think about my dreams They called me again like 10 minutes later and said I didn't need to come in so I could have stayed in bed

For the past three nights, my dreams have been really bad, but very obvious, in that they've either contained something I do in real life, something that happened in the past, or something I've been thinking about. Usually my dreams aren't so obvious, but just recently, even the ones that were more symbolic, have still been pretty shallow and have obviously related to what I've been thinking about during the day. Last night I had a dream that a friend was trying to kill me and my bf. It relates heavily to what's been going on in real life. Obviously he hasn't been trying to kill us, but in my mind, he's metaphorically trying to kill something that means a lot to both of us. I've been going over it all day, so it was no surprise that it worked its way into my dreams.

Anyway, he was trying to blow us up. He'd been explaining this huge plan he had to kill us and how brilliant it would be. I was tied to a bomb, which look like a car battery and we were in some underground bunker. My friend looked maniacal and his face was misshapen and covered in blood and gouges. We had to be tied up somewhere and then I was tied to this bomb. Throughout it, I had this feeling that nothing much was going to happen, I don't know why. But then, my bf got some scissors and started cutting himself free. Our friend was outside doing something villainous. He gave me the scissors and then I started cutting off the strings that were attaching me to this bomb. As I did so, my naturally clumsy nature interfered and I knocked the bomb all over the place. One of it's wires came out and it started spitting and flaring. I could hear it counting down. It wasn't like it was counting down, but I could hear the explosion coming, everything was getting slower and slower (or faster and faster, I can't remember which). I got up and started to run and I could hear it behind me and I could feel my friend trying to stop me and I was running through doors which were so heavy to pull open and then I finally got into this concrete bunker, where I knew I'd be safe. Then I can't remember if I woke up or if I was still asleep, but I had different endings play out in my head. I felt angry at my cowardice at leaving my bf behind, so in one ending, I took him with me when I left. In another, we both died together. And then in another one, the friend died. Then in a different ending, the friend was injured and crawling around on the floor, but he was still alive and he was after us and we were hiding in the bunker, but he knew we were there. Authorities came and found us, but I always had this feeling that he was out there, waiting.

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It's the only dream I can recall from last night, because I couldn't sleep for about an hour afterwards and I was going over and over it in my mind. I can't remember my other dreams very well, because I was woken a bit roughly and had no time to let them sink in. I think maybe I need to talk to this guy, though Either way, I'm only going to think of good things today.

Lula x

I remember a little dream I had this morning. I woke up around 9 and then went back to sleep. I think that was when I had it. It wasn't very nice and it's left me feeling really deflated.

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The first thing I remember was everything was covered with water; it went up to the sky and the houses were completely covered. It had only just happened and I was at my mum's house. I swam down to find her and the cat and they were both alright; they had one of those really old-fashioned diving suits. Then all the water was gone and I was running from the house to the little road at the front and back again. I had a really nervous feeling all the time, like I was late for something. It was eating me up and I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I was back in the house and I realised I had to go get the bus for college, but this is their new house and it's miles away from where I went to college. It was also the middle of the day and I had this feeling like I was american. I'd been in college in a previous dream (or maybe the same one) and been given some homework to do. I was running around the house looking for it and I found this piece of paper with all these boxes on and I realised I hadn't filled any of it out and I was late and it was the most important thing ever. I knew my mum was going to be really angry with me and for missing the bus. But it just kept getting later and later, but it was so sunny and I knew it was the middle of the day, but it didn't matter anymore. I went into the bathroom and my mum said that cat wanted to come in as well, because she was sad and needed company. She sat there slumped in a corner for a minute and then she went to eat.

I went outside and everything looked kind of fiery. There were so many bridges and big roads that I had to climb over. Then I was with my best friend from college. We were in a boat or something, but we were studying and she was behind. We had to do all these mad obstacles. The water was black and looked like oil and all the surfaces were hard and concrete-like. I fell in a couple of times, but they kept saying I was doing really well. She had to go back and do it again, and they wouldn't let me go with her. I was with this guy at the final part and I had to hold onto this rope and swing over all the black, oily water and grab another rope and land on this concrete landing (kind of like Total Wipeout). He showed me how to do it and he went way too far and fell in the water, but then the was back again. I kept imagining doing it over and over again, but I was too scared. The bit we were on was sloped, but it wasn't sloped downwards, it was sloped upwards, so I would have to climb up this slope and then try and jump. I kept saying to him, "There isn't enough room, I won't have enough momentum." And the other rope kept going further and further away. And he just sat there and said, "You can do it. I know you can." But I didn't feel like there was any conviction. Then the rope I was holding snapped off and he said, "How could you have broken it?" And he was rummaging around for more stuff and he found some paper and said, "Will this do?" I said no and he said, "Fine, we'll have to go buy some more. I'll take you out for dinner." We sat there for a little longer and the water bubbled a bit and then we went, back to all the bridges and the sky was fiery.

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I feel like a lot of these experiences have parallels with things that have happened in my past. It all made me feel hugely inadequate and sad though, like I haven't felt in a while.

Lula x

Ooops, just realised how long this is. Sorry to anybody who attempts to wade through my dreams; I doubt it's worth it. x

This is my first entry in the Dream Journal It wasn't a LD or anything, just a plain, normal dream. But I'm writing it up anyway. Mostly, because I'm trying to get into dream recall and just using this site more, but also because it was an unusual dream for me, in that at first, it was very ordinary, it made a lot of sense, and I was completely myself.

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I was at school, doing speaking exams with my students. It was pretty much the same, except instead of marking each category out of 25, I was marking it out of 20. The weird thing was that the first student I had was saying, "Why are you only giving me 19 on intonation? What did I do wrong?" (weird because few of our students are that advanced yet) And I was thinking, "Well, I need to mark you down on something, because there's a limit to how many points I can give you." I recognised a couple of my students, but some of them I didn't know. Then another girl came over and she was being really rude and obnoxious and I started to get frustrated with her, but I calmed down. The questions were a bit odd, like, "How much do you like sweets?" "What sweets do you like?" "What do you think about swimming?" (But in a way they are of a similar structure/content to the questions we ask anyway. For example, just last week, I asked, "What is your opinion about money?" Then I got up and it was getting really dark and the school was preparing for some kind of sale. I was slumped on a desk and one of my colleagues started poking me and pushing me. She said, "You don't have to stay for this and you will have next Thursday and Friday off." And my friend said, "Leave her alone, can't you see she's upset?" And then I realised that I was crying, like really sobbing and I wanted to see my family. And I stood up again and I walked over to my computer. Then I was back at the office door and this little old lady, who is my grandfather's cousin's sister-in-law or something (but now she's dead; I realised this when I woke up) was holding my computer. She said, "Ohh, Lula, it's so lovely to see you. I haven't seen you in so long." And I bent down to kiss her on the cheek (she was always really tiny), but she backed away and then I thought, 'oh maybe it's because she doesn't want to break the computer.' And then I started thinking of the computer as so fragile and paper-thin and I started to see it chipping. Then my students were shouting, "Lula, Lula!" and running up to me and so ran off down the corridor with them to play with them. And June, the old lady, was worried, almost like there was some menace in their actions, and then I started to think there was something menacing about it, but I just kept on play-fighting with them and they laughed and started crowding around and me and cuddling me and it was fine.

Then, I was getting into a car and my mum was there and June closed the door, but she didn't close it properly and I could see light coming through, which didn't make sense, because it was pitch black outside. There was so much stuff in the car and no room and I couldn't close the door and my mum looked sad. It was left-hand drive, which is odd, but I'm in China now, so it didn't confuse me at the time. When the headmaster drives us home from school or wherever, we have this little minibus, but a lot of the teachers live together and there's so many of us, that we're all squashed up and sat on each other's knees. It felt like a combination of that, and the time when my mum drove me home from university with all my stuff. Anyway, we were driving around this huge car park, which I swear I've been to in my dreams so many times and I said, "No, we left something in the oven." And I remembered that hours ago (but I couldn't remember how long ago it was), me and my friend had put something in the oven to cook. I'd mentioned it to her earlier in the dream, I'm sure, but we forgot. So we drove round to this little oven in the wall and I got out and pulled out the tray and there was something else in there that looked like pastry, but it looked alive. And then my mum said, "No, I took your stuff out a while back. It's waiting for us at the bar." Instantly we were at the bar, but everyone else started eating all my food. I saw it really close up and then it went a bit hazy.

I was swimming in the sea. I was a shark. I looked up and saw someone in a wetsuit swimming about. Then I was that person in the wetsuit and I put my hand down and grazed my finger on something sharp and thought, "Uh-oh. It must be a shark." So I swam towards the beach and got out. The sky was so grey and dark and as I walked along the beach, with the car following, I could hear something like a news report. It was saying how everybody was coming out to the beach, regardless of the weather, typical Brits. And it was just like a typical northern UK beach. And I looked and just saw empty towels and those flimsy huts you see. I knew there were people inside them, but they couldn't do anything. And they were all blue and green and it was just so dark and grey and cloudy. And then I walked on and it got sunnier and there were people lying there and I walked past a man who was just sat there very still, staring and he was wearing blue and he had a blue-ish tinge and he was covered in sun cream, and he had on blue sunglasses and he was perfectly still. And then the news said something about how there was a weird age disparity and all the old people were coming out instead and it said, "The senior citizens are out in force." It got very sunny and bright and children were playing in the sea. I saw a guy's bulge close up and I was like, "Woah."

I saw some steps going up off the beach. It was next to a kind of over-pass. It was like there were two options to get off the beach, up these steps or to go under this dark over-pass. I went for the steps. There were some thistles and I wondered what I was wearing and if I'd be ok. I was walking up the steps and I realised there was a guy behind me, so I thought, "I'm so slow, but I don't want to get in his way; I'll walk faster." So I did. He was wearing a red raincoat. We got up the top and at the end of the path, there was like a run-way and huge aeroplane was running towards us and then it took off and disappeared. We didn't hear it. And so I took out my phone to take pictures, and it was my phone. And a couple of them didn't get as far as us and then one did. Then suddenly the guy pushed me out of the way, but I was moving out of the way as well, just as this huge, white train went speeding past us. I don't know where it went, because it had nowhere to go and it disappeared. I still couldn't see him very well, but in my imagination (not the dream, but my dream self's imagination, if that makes sense), I kept saying, "Feel my heart, feel my heart." And putting his hand on me. My skin was very bare and his hand was very warm and I could feel my heart beating so hard. And then he was gone and cars were driving towards me. Again, I thought, "Where are they going to go?" They stopped just before the steps and parked there. Some turned a corner and drove towards what I knew would be houses.

I kept on walking and there was the huge run-way and then a field with the trains to my right. I climbed into the field and I could see where I needed to be and knew it well. I was walking down the field and I suddenly thought, "I'm on a train-track!" So I ran over some wire-fences and back to the field entrance. All I could see was high grass, but I knew there were train tracks in it, all over the field. I could see a forest at the other side of the field, but it was like it had been painted. I still knew it was real though. There was an old woman standing behind me. She was toothless and a little decrepit and I was scared of her. I kept my back to her and ignored her. I took out my phone again and called my Grandad, because I thought, 'He knows these fields and forests.' I put my glasses on so I could see better. They were my glasses, and it's funny because I haven't worn them for a while, but just recently, I've realised I really need them, so I've started wearing them again. I was talking to him on the phone and I saw some police in hi-vis jackets walking out of the forest. I could see them well, because of my glasses. I said, "There are some police." I can't actually remember what I said here. At first I typed out, "There's police." but looking over this, I thought that it isn't grammatically correct, but I'm sure that's what I said. Either way, I said something about there being police officers walking around. Three of them. Then I saw what they were looking at. It was like 100 feet away, but I could see it. I couldn't see it clearly, but I knew it was a dead body. I remember thinking, 'People always ask if you've seen a dead body. I can't really see this one though.' The police were taking pictures. It was very large and swollen. Part of the body started swelling up and stuff oozed out of the it. I said, "There's a dead body." I bent over to breathe and I could feel and see (a little) that woman standing near me and then I woke up and my heart was pounding.

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Everything seemed to be of a similar colour, I remember that. It was all greens, browns, greys, blues and all so dark and gloomy. I said it seemed ordinary, but only because certain things seem similar to things that happen. You know, when we bring food in for tea, everyone digs in and starts eating and we just share what's there, except I rarely do, because they eat meat and I rarely bring stuff in I was wearing my clothes and my glasses and I had my phone and for the most part, I was just me, whereas usually, I'm everybody and nobody.

Anyway, this is the first dream I've had for a few days, that's been really really vivid, so I'm writing it up.

Lula x