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    Recent Entries

    Hello again !

    by Nelzi on 09-07-2015 at 01:57 PM
    I have a new car for about a month now. Here is one small lucid fragment from last night:

    I am driving in my new car. It is clean and black inside. It smells very nice and I love being in it because it is so comfortable. I drive for no reason with no destination or goal, just for the fun of it, like I did so many times in the past days. The vegetation is rich and intensely green to my right side.

    Suddenly there is a car coming from the right. I hit the brakes as hard as I can, because I have to give way for the other car. It is red and has advertising badges all over, also it looks like it has had some accidents before and there are dents on its door.

    I suddenly get lucid! Still my foot is on the brake and it takes a long time before it stands still and it makes a very loud noise. I didn't hit the other car but it was very close. I investigate my surroundings, knowing that I am dreaming. Then everything fades and disappears slowly and finally I am left with NOTHING except the knowing that I am dreaming.

    So now everything is black and I still know that this is a dream, but somehow there is no content whatsoever. It feels strange and unexpected, a little creepy too. Then the idea pops into my mind that I can just choose to wake up right now if I wanted to or I could keep on dreaming. I know in this moment that I have the complete freedom of choice. I remember that I had planned to have a LD when I went to bed and it worked! So I am excited about being lucid and I choose to keep on dreaming.

    Then I hear voices from all sides, getting louder and louder. They become screams of fear and very loud.

    I wake up with a very dry mouth. I think it's cool that I could just decide to have a LD that night.

    (Not) My Room

    by Nelzi on 08-27-2013 at 10:52 PM
    The first is a dream about 'my room' from last night. The second is a fragment about cats and the third is a false awakening fragment.

    • I find myself in 'my' room. I have had some friends visiting me, but now they are gone. Only one of them is still here, I think he is going to sleep here. It feels like it has been a nice evening together and we are tired and ready to go to bed.

      I start cleaning up the mess that the others have left behind, there are so many small things and pieces all over the place. I decide to just put it all onto my ironing board and then to just put away the ironing board. There are some beautiful group photos of me with my friends among the things, they evoke nice memories, so I handle them with care, while I do the rest of the cleaning very fast and sloppily.

      I look over to the couch and see my friend sleeping already. He lies on my big, red pillow. I wake him up and tell him that I want to fold out the couch, so that there is space for both of us. I begin to prepare our bed, and as I turn around for one second, it suddenly is already finished and he is sleeping. Peaceful, delighting sight.

      I walk around in the room. I tell myself that this is my room, so of course it is familiar to me, including everything in it. In one corner there are ~10 paintings from my mother. I think 'She is getting really good, I like her paintings'. I feel thankful for having the paintings here with me, they are very colorful. I put them aside to make a little space in the room. In another corner there are two empty beds, I recognize them as the beds I and my brother had, when we were children. I think it's funny that they are still around and I wonder why. Then I walk over to the couch with my friend and go to bed.

      My dream logic did not even consider using the beds for sleeping. I had never seen this room in waking life before, but in the dream it felt so familiar and it was clear to me that it was my room. There was something from every room I ever had in my life in that dream room.

    • There is a wooden bed. It has no mattress, it is only hard wood, but somehow it feels comfortable to sit on it. I lay down a blanket and put a neat little kitty on it. I pet the little grey kitty and it seems to enjoy it very much. It stretches out and I pet it's stomach.

      I grew up with cats, but I have not had a cat since I live at my current place. I would love to have a cat.

    • I 'wake up'. It is my bed, it must be late in the morning, it is already bright outside. The air is fresh and cold, because the window was open during the night. I hear the birds twittering outside. Suddenly there is a small bird in my bed. I am surprised, but very delighted. It hops around in the bed, trying to catch a fly. Eventually it succeeds and it looks proud of itself with the insect hanging out of it's beak.

      I like false awakenings, they are always funny in some way. I have had quite a few of them recently, I should remember to RC when I wake up, it seems to me that I forget that very often.

    I Demand a Girlfriend!

    by Nelzi on 08-16-2013 at 06:25 PM
    Two dream scenes from last night, I was sexually aroused in both of them. I think there is more content than I can remember and this time it annoys me. I would really like to know more about the plots.

    • I find myself in an underground tunnel. It is dark. There are two workers operating at a huge monster machine. I recognize one of them as an old acquaintance from my former soccer team, so we greet each other. They are digging the tunnel with the huge machine and they lay down train tracks for the new subway. I wonder what I am doing here and how I managed to get here, no idea.

      I missed one of my recurring dream signs there, train tracks. Also, I did not remember to RC, when I found out that I had no clue how I got there. Gotta start working on prospective memory again!

      I try to get out of the tunnel, so I just start walking. When I hear one of the workers telling me that this is the wrong way, I already stumble upon a huge rock wall in front of me. This must be the direction where they dig the tunnel. I go back and climb on the huge machine and walk on it in the other direction.

      I end up in a train station waiting hall. It is a big quadratic room with a quadratic pillar in the middle. The walls and the floor are white and light (or maybe it just occurs to me that way because I just came from a dark tunnel) and there are seats all the way along the walls. There are about 15 people sitting and waiting there.

      I am happy to see an old friend of mine waiting for me. She hugs me and I am surprised to see her, but it feels good. She is in good shape, she is sexy and has a beautiful face. I always found that she looked good, but she has always been a friend and not a potential sexual partner (it never even came to my mind, because back then, when I saw her often, we were both engaged in relationships). Now I get really excited about her and I hug her again, two or three more times because it feels so good. Her body is so soft and nice, man why have I never seen her from this perspective. She seems to enjoy, so I kiss her on her cheeks, which makes her look embarrassed, although she smiles.

      I wake up with an erection.

    • I am in a big wooden house. I find myself at the top end of a wooden staircase in the first floor under the roof. The tilted walls and the floor are made of wood as well. There are three people: one random guy, one guy I know from my secondary school and a girl from my university, whom I met around last Christmas. I think this is a weird situation, because there is no way in which they could know each other. But somehow they seem to live together in a student flat-sharing community. They go into their apartment and I decide to just invite myself and to join them because I am curious.

      We stand in the room and we talk and they seem very relaxed. They suggest that we go into their whirlpool, sure why not. The girl immediately takes off her clothes and stands there completely naked in front of us three guys as if it was the most common thing in the world. I take a glance at her body, wow. She has a nice healthy skin color and she is very attractive. She has a sexy, curvy body with huge breasts and a perfect ass. It doesn't seem to bother the other two guys at all and they take off their clothes as well, but I start getting nervous.

      I would love to just look at her and to enjoy the exciting view of her body, but I am anxious that I might get an erection in front of the guys. So I force myself to not stare in her direction, although this is what I would like to do the most right now. I don't mind the presence of the naked girl at all, but I am embarrassed by the two guys being there and watching as well, I fear that I might not be able to control my hormones and to look silly in front of them.

      I take off my clothes and focus on my own body. To my satisfaction I conclude that it looks good and healthy. I force myself not to watch the perfect, attractive, naked female body in front of me and I go into the whirlpool. The water is hot, almost too hot, but I just go with it and it feels really nice, once I merge fully into the water.

      Once again I wake up with an erection, although I had none in the dream. But there was certainly a lot of sexual energy involved. This dream addressed the ashamed aspect of myself regarding sexuality. But there is no reason to be ashamed about the way god made us, it's perfect and beautiful. If only I had remembered that in the dream... damn she was hot!

    The Trumpet Bong

    by Nelzi on 08-15-2013 at 09:47 PM
    1: A small fragment at my friends house. 2: A dream about getting drunk at a party in a big house. 3: A dream about weed, a trumpet bong and a homeless dealer. 4: A dream about me working in a mobile library.

    • I am with two good old teenage friends of mine. The dream is not about back then, when we were younger, but we are as we are today. The front door of my friends house reminds me of an apartment that we had lived in earlier in my childhood. It is very neat and clean inside. We have a big hangover and we talk about the previous night, where we drank a lot of alcohol. One of my friends talks about how much money he spend that night.

      The house was purely dream fiction, but it had some interesting familiar features. We often used to hang out together on hangover days back in my teenage days.

    • I drive a big black car. It feels new and comfortable, some good old friends are with me and some other friends follow us in the little blue car of my grandmother. We drive down a small curvy road through a forest.

      There is a parking area down in the valley and I decide to stop, because we are looking for a nice place to rest and to do our barbecue and camping, we have everything we need in the trunks of the cars.

      My friends from my grandmothers car seem upset, they say this is not a nice place to stay, they want to go further. But one of them had spotted a big party as we were driving on the hill, so we decide to leave the cars for now and take a look. So we walk upwards again on the small curvy road through the forest, where we came from. The walk is about 1 km and we take our time, we are not in a hurry at all, it feels like we all have summer holidays and this is our big vacation together or something like that.

      We finally get there and there is indeed a big house with music and a lot of people. Somehow they are of course strangers, but it feels like we are all friends and we are definitely welcome at the party. We start drinking a lot of alcohol, the party is held throughout the whole house including the second floor and the garden, there are people everywhere.

      At a later point we are all drunk and I gather my friends to tell them that I need to go down to the cars to get something. None of them wants to join me, they laugh and are clearly drunk and so am I. I think 'f*** it, I'll just go by myself'.

      I try to figure out where we came from, so I walk around the house. I almost choose a wrong path, which leads to some fields with high grass. Suddenly I remember it, and I turn around and walk across the street and towards the small curvy road through the forest that leads to the cars in the valley. As I'm walking, I think that time moves so fast when I am that drunk, while it is slowed down, when using weed.

      The big black car was cool. The dream had a nice summer holiday feeling with the good company of friends instead of the everyday worries. It is astonishing how well dreams can simulate the state of being drunk or being high. Also, I find it interesting how socially active I am in my dreams, like I was some years ago. Nowadays I choose to be socially more isolated, not that I don't like people, I still love them, but I am just rather by myself at my current stage. My dreams do certainly not reflect that.

    • I am with a group of 10 people around my age. They are a mixture of friends and acquaintances. It is early in the evening and we walk and relax together. We gather on a playground and just hang out and talk.

      I have a black friend and we go and sit on a bench at a bus stop. He pulls out his bong, which I know he had for a long time and that he uses it quite regularly. I listen to the familiar sound, as he uses it and at that moment I think to myself, 'funny that I don't smoke anymore, it's been a long time already'.

      As I watch him with his bong, it occurs to me that it looks like an old trumpet. He must have somehow build a bong from a trumpet and some dark glass. It looks nice and stable, though. I ask if he cleans it every now and then, because I imagine it must be very hard to clean that thing, it is so unique. I get no response, he just smiles. I find it is a delightful sight and sound to just watch him handling it. And yet I find that I have no urge to start smoking again whatsoever. I am allowed to inspect the trumpet-glass-bong closer. I suck on it (without weed, just for the feel and sound) and I immediately get some water in my mouth, I spit it out and give him back his trumpet bong.

      There is a man coming to the playground, he looks old and homeless. The group of friends and acquaintances gather around him and he pulls out a big zip lock bag filled with marijuana. He starts selling nice, green and round buds to everyone. I think, 'wow, what an intelligent disguise for a dealer. A homeless looking old man with a bag of weed, which I estimate to be worth some thousand euros. He is not old and poor, he is smart!'.

      I know that I have money in my purse, so I take it out and look at two 5-euro notes. Another close friend of mine takes out 10 euro as well and we decide to buy something, just because it has been so long time since and because we can. We go after the old dealing guy, who is about to leave the playground.

      This is MJ calling for me once again. I had many dreams about cannabis when I stopped using it completely more than a month ago, this dream is like the final residue of that. I never had a close black friend, but in my dreams I often do.

    • I am on my walk home. It is daytime in a residential area, but it is totally quiet. Then there is this big bus stopping at every corner and honking and calling for the people living there, but no one ever responds. It is the bookmobile trying to get peoples attention.

      I think to myself that I can maybe get a ride home or I could even ask for a job. So I speak to the driver, and surely, I may join. So I walk around in the back of the bus, which is filled with books and neat little reading corners, the mobile library has two floors.

      We drive around in the neighborhood and the driver calls the people by their family names, apparently he knows them all. No one ever gets on the bus, which I think is sad, because people don't realize what a great thing they are missing out on. I decide that I will just make the best of my situation and find some interesting books to read, while I'm 'working' here. I am excited, because there is so much variety to choose from.

      The bus drives into a grocery store and parks between the shelves filled with canned food. It starts to fold out and to transform into a temporary stationary library section of the grocery store. The shelves start moving as well to make space for the transforming bus. The process does not seem random at all, but very well planned and well-orchestrated.

      The driver takes out 10 waffle irons and tells me that I have to make waffles for everyone who visits our mobile library, there should be people coming soon. I am overwhelmed with the whole situation and I find it weird. But on the other hand it is a creative idea, I think. So I begin thinking about how to manage that task. Shouldn't be that hard, I think, there should be cooking books among the books and there should be all the groceries I need somewhere in the store.

      A nice, creative surprise by my subconscious.

    The Getaway, Motocross, Flirting and Home

    by Nelzi on 08-13-2013 at 09:36 PM
    3 dreams and one fragment. The first is about a getaway from a threatening situation or people, the 2nd one is the fragment, it is about motocross in a forest. There is much more to it, but I can't recall more details. The 3rd entry is a pleasant dream about flirting with a married woman (I forgive myself, she is beautiful). The 4th is about coming home:

    • I am together with my brother. We run away from something or someone, it is a threatening situation and I run for my life, I am very fearful. We are in the ground floor of a building with narrow corridors and white walls. I have the impression that my brother is not really aware of the danger of the situation, so I yell at him to convince him to move faster and to follow me.

      We come to an elevator, 2 or 3 people are waiting for it and I decide to move upstairs as well, as it seems to be the only way to go. But there is no time to wait I think, so I chose a narrow circular stair to the right of the elevator and run upwards, while again reminding my brother that we have no time to rest, or 'they/it' may get us.

      I tell him 'don't worry about grandmother, she will be alright as she has always been. She has lived most of her days happily, just leave her behind and let her go'. As I say that I feel that I myself also have trouble leaving her behind and letting her go, but I force myself to do that and to continue running, so that I am a good example for my brother to follow.

      On the second floor we climb out of the window and slide down a slanted roof. I think it's fun to slide down here, but then the fear of the people/thing following us takes over again. We land in the garden of the house, where I find an air pump. I pick it up, just in case I could use it as a weapon. We encounter a gardener, who is raking leaves. He says something, but I don't trust him, he might be part of the complot (after all, I didn't even know exactly what we were running away from). I consider piking up a rake lying next to me and just beat the gardener to the ground, but then I decide it's best to just leave. We walk out of the garden and the fear wears off.

      I don't know what I was afraid of and running away from. But I was scared, that is for sure. I don't know what the passage with our grandmother means. I rarely experience fear in dreams, but I appreciate it afterwards, when I do, because it makes the dream very vivid and detailed, as the fear forces me to be completely in the moment or situation.

    • I am riding a motocross bike on small forest paths. There is dense vegetation and small hills. The bike is light, but strong, so that it easily rides on almost any terrain. I ride in a group with some other people, I have a lot of fun.

      I find myself on a broad road between some fields, riding the bike. I have lost the group, which makes me sad and I try to find them again. I ask some hikers to help me, they direct me to a small house in the forest and they claim that this is a sort of meeting point for hikers and bikers. So I go there and I am happy to meet 2 people from the group to rejoin. We go into the small house to rest a bit and maybe to find some others.

      I know there is more content in this dream, but this fragment is all I can recall. The forest paths were beautiful and the bikes were really cool, I had a lot of fun.

    • I have a conversation with a beautiful, young, blond woman. We are on a small hill under some big and wide trees, the scenery is very calm and relaxing. We are with some people we both know, but I only talk to her.

      We are in a bus, I sit in the back end of the bus at the left window, the blond woman is in the seat in front of me, but she has turned around to talk to me. She has a cute face and short blond curls, I think I am in love with her. But somehow I also know that she is married, so I am not sure how to behave. I decide to ignore the beautiful landscape outside the window and to look beyond my morals and doubts straight into her eyes. As I force myself to do that, I find that it is not at all uncomfortable, but rather it is the most natural and pleasant thing to just rest my eyes in hers. Suddenly my fears of being hurt and my doubts about the moral situation seem ridiculous and I give her my undivided attention. Wow she is beautiful, I think, while she talks (I'm not really listening ).

      I want everything about her, now, there is no doubt. I sense that she feels the same way, but that we both are unsure how to express that. We walk along the ocean between a forest to the right and a beach to the left. She takes my hand and we just walk, saying nothing. I think, wow, I almost forgot how good this feels!

      I had several dreams about cute, blond women recently, but I don't know how to relate that to my waking life or why or where it comes from. I guess I have just been single for a while and maybe I am just ready for someone new? In any case it was a nice experience, I am certainly open for more dreams with her

    • I am in a residential area and I walk on small paths between tall houses. A boy, who looks Korean/Chinese, walks past me. He makes some clicking noises behind me and as I turn around, he suddenly has a bike and he rides away. I wonder where the hell did he pull that bike out? But then I just move on. I decide to turn around and go to my mothers place.

      The apartment door of my mothers place looks a lot like the door of my room I think, as I stand in front of it. There is light and noises coming from the workroom, so I figure that my stepfather is at home. There is no door handle, though. So I investigate the door further and I find out that it is opened by a little light switch. I am now inside the apartment in the hallway, but all doors are closed. I know that everyone is at home, because I can somehow sense their presence, but I don't want to draw attention to myself yet, so I go into the kitchen. There are 3 burned pizzas in the oven and the oven door is open. I sit down and enjoy the calmness, peace and idyll of the situation. Smells and feels like being home and everything is alright as it is.

      The bike coming out of nothing should have made me more curious or even lucid, because I noticed it in great details and even wondered about it. But somehow I just went on with my walk. The apartment is not the real one, but purely dream fiction. It was a pleasant dream nevertheless, it had the comforting feeling of being home.