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With Adam F at the school dance with hot pink lights in pozen, bleachers on both sides, crowded with people at 2am. We're standing and swaying and he's looking at my sketchbook for some reason.
"you can look at it with me if you want" he says. There's an unspoken sense of aggression.
He lowers it down a foot for me, as if I'm really short.
He says something and I respond by saying this is exhausting--the standing, constant shuffling, showing your work and the small talk--but then I hope he doesn't think I'm talking about him specifically. but I don't backtrack, and instead start putting extra effort into my body language to make up for the perceived slight.
I think it's going well.
He is commenting thoughtfully on the pieces and it seems like he might be into art.
and then he points to something and turns the book towards me to show me, and brings his body really close to mine. I thought he had a girlfriend
And looks down and the top of his head brushes mine and I look up and I can smell him and see the beads of sweat on his red hot face in the deep pink colored room
And he comes back and forth in and out, swaying with me a bit aggressively
and he never makes eye contact once while doing this. EVER. In a coy way.
but he knows I am so turned on
and he starts saying really douchey things while he towers over me and practically presses his chest into my face, and my knees are jelly and the smell of his cologne fills my nose and he starts saying really awful things
and there's a page of my art with a female character, and he gets closer and starts spitting and drooling on what I made
and it soaks the page enough to warp it and there is a thick webbed pattern of warm viscous saliva dripping from it into my hand now, and he smiles and stares directly into my eyes for the first time and tells me how he would love to blow a hot load all over her
and I feel my face is white like I'm going to throw up
and he walks away slowly and casually as if I wasn't there and slams the book shut in his hands, then drops it casually
and it hits the floor heavy like the slam of a metal door and makes me jump and curls my lip, and I see the pages crumble in on themselves
and my head feels dizzy and hollow, like it's floating away from my body and I don't want to try to move because I know I'll throw up
but some short girl comes and takes my hand with her soft one
another one asks if I want to call 911 but I say no no no but I'm glad someone else saw and asked, and the first girl leads me gently out of pozen into the warm hallway.
I feel like I was traumatized but I don't know why that did it, maybe because I didn't expect it from him. Or the anxious bad part of me did, but he tricked the good side of me into giving him the benefit of the doubt and lowering my guard.
I'm sitting down under an old dark wooden table in the pozen hallway looking at my crosslegged feet and someone else asks if I'm okay, and I look at the girl who helped me. She's under here with me
She looks like Becca K, with a modest tan jacket on
And for some reason she dissapears and I go back into pozen looking for her.
I was friends with Anna and Haley again, in me and Raph's room at night.
We sat on the weird chairs watching a movie and I was eating a bag of Welch's fruit snacks, and Anna was talking about how gross she recently finds snacking and how her brain can't equate it to eating food. She uses M&Ms as an example. I say I feel the same way about how foreign Necco wafers are--envisioning a brittle pink one softening and snapping under my tongue.
I think about how I'm glad that them breaking off into their own band revived our friendship dynamic and brought things back to how they were in the beginning (only happened in the dream LOL)
For some reason there's an inside joke where a person gets pulled up to heaven like a ragdoll by their foot. We each raise one foot clumsily, trying not to kick over the TV, and there's some song from a movie that we sing.
And they stand up and we break into some sort of stupid dance, and end it raising our hands towards the ceiling and twiddling our hands, and I envision translucent red strips of light and thin golden threads arcing from the tips of our fingers, to the ground like a fountain, and we double upon ourselves and laugh for minutes straight.
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It's a wet, foggy, muggy day.
Dad and I are walking along the fens on the way to Star Market, but the area feels much bigger and sparser. There is a big white van that drives off the path and nearly disappears into a deep puddle, which we know to be from 'It Follows' (?).
He's wearing an article of my clothing (brown pants? fluffy sweater?) and we're laughing and playing hide and seek around the thick trees as we make our way. Then we're walking up a hill towards the brick buildings, with a big concrete wall of a bridge on my right, and I know my hair looks stupid.
We get into downtown and the buildings are narrow and crowded like in fallout 4 - there's a bridge overhead that blocks the sky and drips fat cold drops of rainwater. People are crowded waiting to cross the street, and there's small fogged-up windows to restaurants that seem more like glass phone booths. I peek my head over the small crowd as the bus to Hyannis pulls into place, through a thick puddle.
I was at a sort of boarding school in a big, glitzy European city that reminded me of paris.
My friend was invited to a party Indė was throwing, and I tagged along and everyone was sitting scattered on the floor in a quaint apartment with clocks, radiators, wooden walls, thick velvet curtains, and red carpet.
Later we were on the way to a musical, sitting in a group of seats moving slowly down a gigantic escalator, like a ride. We were going down a giant, lavish tunnel that led off into the mall, its ceiling decked out like an opera house.
Hundreds of tiny lights, giant shiny tassels and chandelier-like constructions, masquerade masks, pearls and more. To our sides were lush foliage and fountains and mall balconies and shop windows. I was sitting in the far back and there was a tall tourist lady sitting in front of me, so I couldn't look down the tunnel, to see where we were going, but I could see into the passing stores as we descended.
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It's a long night, and it got dark very early despite being warm and muggy outside. There's a sense of lethal urgency, as if a serial killer is on the loose.
I'm in the passenger seat while Luke F drives. He's driving with urgency, on the long roads surrounding the deep western-mass pine forests and lakes. Every window is open and our interior light is on. It casts us in dim yellow and leaves a smeared reflection of us in the windshield that dangerously obstructs his view. Since our light is on I can't see out the windows--it's black but the smell of night and the thick roar of insects from the forest, by the sides of the road, pours in from every side.
I have butterflies in my stomach and feel queasy. Every time we slow down I'm reminded that the light is illuminating us in our seats, to everything on these empty roads, and that all of our windows are sitting open.
I desperately need to charge my phone and make some kind of call by 10:30--we get to Uncle Jimmy's house and I hop out of the car loudly and run through the door into the living room, once again dim and yellow. There's the same sense of queasiness and paranoia when I look at the black windows and the front door sitting open. I'm pretty sure I wake up before anything happens.
I had just moved to a big city alone, and there was a big futuristic hospital I wanted to get into.
I followed close behind someone as they swiped their ID, through huge, round, white airlock doors. I wandered around looking for friends, and I reached the far, abandoned end of the hospital.
There was a decrepit, factory-like room that went down a few stories, and had pipes and metal staircases winding downwards. I looked up and there was a giant hole in the wall, facing a sunny bay and the junkyards of the city. I see now that the hospital is barred by a rusty iron fence.
I noticed some alt-looking kids sitting on the steps below and 'accidentally' bumped into them. We struck up a conversation quickly, and one of the cute guys stood up and seemed to like me.
The other guy and girl seemed to feel left out of the conversation though, so when they told me their names I made an extra effort to repeat and remember them. The girl was named Linguisa and became angry, telling me to stop repeating her name because it was ugly (LOL) and she didn't like the 'hui' sound.
Someone panicked and pointed at the hole in the wall, and one of the behemoth ships across the city at the bay was slowly turning, as if it were looking at us. We could hear the metal groaning across the city. We realized the government knew we had snuck into this hospital. Next came an action sequence that began with us struggling through a porthole back to the main area of the hospital, and rushing through doors that unsuspecting employees had keyed into.
It was a hot summer day after school, and I wandered the messy, junky but sunny and inviting halls of abandoned radio labs and long blue rooms of waist-high library shelves and children's foam puzzle mats.
The long room turned into an open, sun-baked park behind the school (repurposed into a football field), bordered by a short stone wall perimeter and surrounded by a Mission Hill-like neighborhood. I was pushing through a long row of dozens of tangled metal easels on the grass, climbing between the bars. Nori, David and someone else were standing on the field behind me, yelling advice on how to get through.
After I got through by pushing a particularly loud one out of the way, an old white couple came out of their woody victorian house past the stone wall, to berate us and threaten to call the cops.
We all run but I part to the right, down a sunny street facing the woods. And I turn right again, and my old dorm is there--except if you took the samoset ave house and narrowed it into smith hall's shape.
I continue and head down a hill towards a main street and back towards the school, between some brewery-looking buildings and condominiums. I see the three others far ahead walking down the middle of the road, and the cops are cruising by but don't do anything to us.
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I had a dream that I travelled back to Springfield from across the state, and it was much more inviting, and I got there at dusk after walking calmly down a long hill lined with identical brownstones and raised shops, and it was close to Mardi Gras, so there were beads and lights in the windows.
And between the gaps of the brownstones I saw a long empty train track and junction, parallel to my walk.
I got to our building at the bottom of the hill and it was suddenly a bright calm afternoon, and I looked up at the brick facade to look for our window but the sun was in my eyes. So I pressed my face against the door trying to see into the dark wood stairwell and imagined walking up them and I wanted the creaks and the smell.
(First time I've had a dream about our old apartment where I was actually re-visiting as an adult, and where I knew dad was gone and that I didn't live there anymore).
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(Snippet)
Some sort of prom/end-of-the-year social event in an auditorium-like room, with Janet, going back and forth to the parking lot because we keep forgetting things from the car. Each time we exit, we run excitedly--there is a sunset and around us are acres of marshlands. We spin around and I play a song from my phone speakers. There's some storyline at the actual dance that I forgot.