The Archangel

In my dreams I am a seasoned combat veteran. I have seen horror I have become familiar with the carnage of the battlefield.

In this dream I am part of a small group of survivors and we are crawling our way through a high rise trying to get to the rooftop. The building has been torn apart as if by some concussive blast, but grown over with long time decay. The walls and ceilings reduced to rubble in places, loose loops and tangles of wire hang from the ceiling and the furnishings that remain have been tossed everywhere like garbage strewn in a breeze. Some time ago this world knew of some large scale disaster but now it is being consumed by time and decay. We ascend stealthily, trying as much as is possible to avoid encountering the large parasitic slugs that have overrun everything.

At one point we stop to rest in an office room. On one wall is a dirty window so smeared with grime that only a little space remains to look through. Japanese businessman goes to the window to look out into the inky black night. Windows are dangerous, he must have forgotten and we all immediately move to warn him but it's too late. Within an instant the window is full of the visage of a grotesque monster. It's sallow skin sinking into greasy folds of wrinkle, it's hair clinging wetly to it's neck as it's mouth contorts in endless movement. Was it speaking? There was no sound to be heard. I didn't see it's eyes but Japanese businessman did and we could only watch as his body first swelled up tight and then began to deflate as it was consumed by parasites from within. It happened within a matter of seconds, and as his body shriveled up into decay the parasites burst forth. We were on the move again in an instant. No time to grieve or even be shocked, this was war and we were fighting for our lives.

Somehow it is simply known to us all that the grotesque monster pursuing us is an archangel. Come with righteous sanction to its bloody purpose. Seeking our destruction.

We hasten our ascent after our encounter long enough to feel some distance between us and it finally reaching the rooftop. The rooftop was very angular and physically amorphous, seeming to bend and twist at odd and disadvantageous angles. It is difficult to navigate period, let alone stealthily. It is still night but there is a thin vapor of light on the horizon. We move as we can towards our escape, but the cover of the night is not enough and all too soon we see it moving with swift single mindedness towards us, the archangel.

Now that we are outside it's image is transformed from one of grotesque horror to one of terrible and fierce beauty. It was seemingly carved from beauty, and every bit of it looked so delicate, yet at the same time it was fortified with the cold white fire of the cosmos. It was wrapped in a billowing ribbon of white and carried a staff with wings on it. It shone from within with silver sunlight. This Adonis of destruction, come to deliver divine retribution in carnage and blood.

We engage in long and drawn out battle until at last only two of us remain against the archangel. At one point in the battle I am given a choice to make. A spit second decision between avoiding death for a moment longer or sacrificing myself. I choose without hesitation to take the blow and save my friend, in taking the blow she is able to strike back and she will survive. I am struck and I fall off the rooftop from so high up that the ground can't be seen. Only the rooftops are visible above a thick dark fog below. As I fall I feel tremendous relief and great guilt. I feel such welcome peace and relief knowing that I am done with this horror, I will die and I won't have to fight this fight anymore. I am ready for blissful oblivion. I feel such guilt at the relief, knowing I have left my friend to deal with the horror alone. To live and fight still. That though I have given her the gift of life, I feel much more like I have been selfish and given myself the greater gift of death.

This is probably going to sound odd, but the first thoughts that came to mind as I read this was Fukushima...

The Japanese businessman The grotesque horror of transformation brought up the imagery of mutations coming from the release of all the different types of radiation from the three nuclear meltdowns that happened over two years ago now. The concussion blast from the explosions there. Office rooms at the plant. The long drawn out battle those who will be affected by the radiation released, and continued release will place on those close to the event as well as around the world over time...The silver sunlight brought images of radioactive particles...

And your close of it...Death being a greater gift than dealing with the cancers and other horrors awaiting survivors of the continuing horror that is radiation poisoning...Mutations included...

I know it may sound off-base, and perhaps completely innacurate, but it's what my mind conjured up while reading it...

And the situation is not only a nightmare for the Japanese, but will undoubtedly be so for the rest of the world in due time.

I would also start with the Japaneses businessman, but instead of focusing on him being Japanese, I will here focus on him being a businessman in an office. Combine that with the veteran soldier, whose job it is to fight, and I wonder whether this dream is work related. Are you currently "fighting" a difficult situation at work?

Disclaimer: I have had high stress at work myself and I have had bouts of depression, so this dream interpretation is heavily influenced by my own experience, which may or may not apply to you as we'll.

When fighting an archangel, I think one expects to loose. Also the way you self sacrifice at the end - you justify it as saving another nobly, but it is a self sacrifice, admitting failure, and embracing death. Could you be depressed? Please look up symptoms of depression if you do not know them, and if you think you got it, do seek out help: friends and family, religious/church pastoral care, and/or a therapist if needed.

unlike in this dream, where there is no one aside from one friend left to fight this battle with you, I bet in real life you can recruit others to help you fight whatever it is you are struggling with. You don't have to do it alone, and I bet you do not have to fail. there are other options, even if the situation may look bleak to you - which is in part why you need someone else's help, to help you see another way out of the problem.

Edit: I thought of one possible Japanese connection: The Japanese samurai are known for their practice of harakiri which is a suicide to save honor. So in this possible interpretation you may have had the dream ending in your subconscious already at the time you saw the Japanese businessman. The Japanese man may be you as well, dieing several times in this bleak dream.