Recurring Nightmare Causes Physical Pain
Hi, I'm Kaelyn. Female, 18, generally a lucid dreamer but not when it comes to this dream. I very very rarely remember my dreams, but this one always sticks with me. I don't really want to talk to people about it because I kind of sound crazy, which is why I'm here. Just so you know, the beginning of the dream is always different. It's almost as if any regular dream i have is being interupted by this nightmare.
After these dreams i often find i am injured, once i tore a muscle in my calf, bit my lip so hard it bled, hit my head leaving large bruises and bumps, the worst was when i cracked my collar bone. I don't think i've ever had this dream and NOT been injured. The first time it happened i must have been 7 or 8, i woke up on the floor screaming because my arm was twisted awkwardly behind me and i'd pulled a muscle in my shoulder.
I can generally control my dreams, even my nightmares. If i feel a dream is going in the wrong direction i simply decide to go another route, it's simple because I know that I'm dreaming. In these dreams I can feel the nightmare approaching. I start to lose control of my dream, this time it turned violent. I was protecting a young boy, I don't know why I was protecting him but I was. I had a gun and a group of my friends were helping me protect him. We're running down a street, theres a sound in the bushes and the majority of the group run to see what it is, ready for a fight. I grab the boys hand and keep running, only a couple of my friends are left to help me protect him but we dare not yell because we could alert the enemy. It's night, the streetlights are lit. Another boy runs out of the bushes and that's when I feel the nightmare begin. I try to change the dream but I can't. I start shaking, my vision goes a bit blurry. Theres shouting, i tug the boy i'm protecting behind me and raise my gun, The boy confronting us has a gun to, he's terrified I can tell. I try again to take control of my dream but I still can't. My chest feels tight and breathing is difficult. When the boy with the gun raises it and is about to fire I shoot him down. It's the worst I have ever felt. Guilt and emptiness wash over me. My shot has alerted the enemy and i can hear them fast approaching. I fight for control and momentarily gain it when i change the ennvirronment, no longer on a dimly lit street but in the field near my house. This makes it worse because now I can see the enemy running towards us. I don't know why but i run to the boy I've shot down. I need to see if his wound is fatal, i don't want him to die. I hit him in his side, high enough that it would have done more internal damage than i deem recoverable, because I lay him down and spin to shoot at the approaching enemy. I hear a yell from my friends, the boy we're protecting has been shot, he collapses. I vaguely remember that there wasn't any blood, not a drop. It's a headshot, i pull back his blond hair to see the wound. He looks up at me, accusingly. I don't know for sure but I feel like it was me who shot him. I sit there and hold him in my arms, brandishing my gun until there are no more enemies to fight.
The scene changes so rapidly, we're rushing both the young boys into an ambulance and then i'm sitting in the bedroom of my friends house. He was there when I shot the boy with the gun. I ask him if I shot the boy we were protecting and he says that it doesn't matter, his wounds weren't fatal. He doesn't say it and I don't ask but somehow i know the other boy died from the wounds i inflicted. I still feel this weight on me, and i still can't control the dream. I feel so much guilt for killing that kid, i just sit there as other people arrive, it's a celebration party, because the boy we were protecting had survived. I know that if I leave the group, the nightmare will begin, but eventually everyone starts to go to bed or leave and i realize I can't wake up, or change the dream, so i need to confront it, get it over with. I walk downstairs and suddenly i'm in the badement of my house, out the big glass doors i can see the field where i killed that little boy. This part of the dream never occurs in the same place and never for the same reasons but the feelings and the attack are always the same. My chest constricts and I can't breathe. Instead of fighting i just let it happen. I deserve it, i killed a little boy (this is actually the first time i don't try to run from what comes next). It's like i'm being spun by an unseen force, it throws me and hits me and tears my skin. The feeling is almost muffled, like i can't feel real pain. In the glimpses when i lay broken on the ground I can see a man standing there. Could be the father of the little boy i killed now that i think of it. They have very similar features, he's wearing a construction uniform and has curly brown hair. He just stands there and watches me being thrown around like a rag doll. Eventually the beatings stop and i look up at him. He says "we're coming for you" and "this is not the end." And then the scene fades away. As i stare at his face it blends into everything else until all that is left is a mask. A white mask, it could have red on it as well but my vision is blurring and i'm waking up. And thats it, i wake up. Looks like I scraped my knee on something while I was dreaming.
I'm not really looking for a definate "this is what your dream means" i just really needed to share it.
