Recurring Dream About My Dead Wife

Hello,

My dear wife and soul mate, Gretchen, passed away unexpectedly 3 1/2 years ago; we were both 46. My grief was deep and I suffered with a "medium" amount of depression (it stunted my life but was not truly debilitating.) The Event began a process that forced my re-birth. I have shed all duties and responsibilities, seemingly to get to down to whatever my essential core is and begin anew from this place of simplicity. Although I don't consider this process complete (indeed, it may never be) I believe I began the final major step in early June, when, after having cleared out our home, gave it back to the bank and then sold my business (we have no children) I left our home in the U.S. for a new life and lifestyle in slow travel.

About six months ago I began dreaming that Gretchen and I were very close to being reunited. In most of these she was not necessarily resurrected from death, although this was the case in some of these. Usually, we had simply undergone a time of separation. What follows then ... from the two most recent dreams:

1) I am indoors, standing at a closed door to a bathroom. I know she is inside. I knock and hear quiet rustling inside but no voice. I wait a time and then realize this is strange or awkward. I open the door to see Gretchen standing in her underwear, shamed and not making eye contact with me. My dad is standing at the toilet, peeing. They clearly had been sexual. [I have nothing to report about their relationship before Gretchen left the planet other than that they liked each other but, as far as I know, they had never been alone.] In the dream I think that this is such a dramatic event that it must be a dream so I force my self to awaken.

2) I have arrived at our home (or, at the least, it is a place where we have been living) and, as in the other dreams, I feel excited anticipation to see her / be with her. I see her at medium distance but she is with a couple friends and walks away with them, never acknowledging me, let alone holding and kissing me as I so desire. I verbally express my frustration to an anonymous friend who is there with me.

There have been a number of other such dreams, all of which follow this same story arc: Anticipation of reunification and then a thwarting of that desired outcome.

FYI, in the first six months after she died I was blessed with a number of vibrant dreams where I was indeed with her. These dreams have not been vibrant but simply "normal". If you know what I mean.