Lucid nightmares and multiple false awakening

Not much of a lucid dreamer here, but I have a little bit of knowledge about it. I became interested in it awhile back, but decided with my internalized anxiety that it probably wasn't for me. The only times I usually have them is when I've taken Xanax.

But they've never been like this. There's something about having a dream within a dream within a dream, and knowing you're in a dream that makes me feel uneasy.

I went to sleep around 6 am, took a small dose of Xanax (as I occasionally do). I expect vivid dreams, but this was a whole other level.

I wake up in my apartment, but everything looks different. Immediately assumed I'm dreaming, so I tested reality and check, I'm dreaming. My everyday dreams have a way of turning themselves into nightmares. So knowing this, I would like to wake up.

I have been able to become lucid occasionally, but never to a point of much control.

Well, I lay back down and go to sleep, as I can feel things getting sinister. I successfully fall back asleep and wake up. Tested reality again. Still dreaming. I tested reality over and over and over again as I woke up, but to no avail. Eventually I gave up.

I found a cigarette but no lighter. I really needed a smoke. So I cautiously wandered through this twisted half current home, half childhood home. Things were the wrong color, nothing was where it was supposed to be.

I came upon a strange man who offered me a lighter. I accepted, but did not ask his name. He asked me if I had been there long. I told him I felt as if I was stuck in this fucked up surreal dream world forever. I had convinced myself my body had fallen into a coma.

He told me there was no escaping, that I wasn't in control. But he didn't say it in an evil way. Just an informative way. He was still creeping me out so I try waking up again.

I tried opening my eyes as wide as I could. I tried smashing my head on the ground. I tried killing myself. Nothing I could think of worked so I slumped down and cried, while trying to accept this is what my 'life' had become.

I did eventually wake up to my boyfriend asking me to make him grilled cheese 16 HOURS LATER.

But since then I have not taken Xanax and the false awakenings have not stopped. Theyre never quite the same, but it's always pretty dubious feeling. I don't even wanna say what last night's dream was about.

I feel like this whole thing is throwing my perception of reality off. I'm also scared to sleep. Crying as I type this.

Any response appreciated.

Sorry about your bad experience :therethere:

Trying to wake up from nightmares is not a wise strategy of dealing with them. Nightmares are like weeds. Waking up from a nightmare is like cutting it out while leaving the root intact. Sure, the weed will be gone, but another nightmare will sprout back from the same root.

The root of the nightmares is your negative perception of life. If you know well enough to want to wake up from a nightmare, you have the potential to identify and change the defining negative perception of it.

Identify your negative perceptions and change them into positive ones. In order to do this, all you have to do is learn to always look at the bright side of things.