How it all started

In 03,04,05. I used every drug except heroine and psychedelics except ecstasy and shrooms.

In 05 I started drifting into insanity. I was smoking meth and doing a lot of other things.

One day I went to DHA. To see something about a blood test. I was paranoid that I gave my Ex HIV. I walked out and walked around OKC. I walked probably about twenty miles. I thought I was in a grand theft auto game.

The fear that I killed my ex was torturing me.

I went to a pay phone and called 911,and from there the person that picked up on the other line was a K9 officer that I stole like 10 grams of Cocaine that was for his dog.

That made me even more paranoid.

The cops came and asked me if I did drugs. I said yes and I asked him if he could take me to the hospital. They did and I started hearing the TV talking to me.

I started making a scene in the lobby and the cop that took me there said I was acting unruly and took me to jail on a bench warrant.

It’s the worst jail in America. I was on the very top floor where killers and murderers are.

I wrote on a piece of paper when I guard saw me and I wrote that I gave three women HIV. By this time I was losing it bad.

I get out and go to the clubs where I worked. I took five XTC pills because I thought I was in a dawn of the dead movie. From there I get beat up by a cop and go back to jail. I was strapped to a gurney and it took twenty guards to keep me down. They stuck a catheter in me and pulled it out w the balloon open.

I don’t have HIV btw!!

Then I go to the Ambulance and there’s a skylight that I could see the sky. I was tide down and shot up in both forearms with a jet injector and I remember looking at the skylight and said Father please forgive me of my sins in Jesus name amen.

With tears streaming down my face and huge peace came over me and I fell asleep.

I woke up in detox and Everything was different.

The next day I go to my Ex’s and I started really making a scene in front of the whole neighborhood.

I walk to a bridge and a cop came again and took me to jail in a different county for public intox.

I get out and go home and called my ex to come over. I told her I gave her HIV and she went home. I was so out of it.

I started to think she was dumped in a hole when my roommate took her home. I started to think my other roommate was a cannible and I ran to this house and broke their window w a weed pipe. I go back to jail that night.

Remember this is the fourth Time. After I went to jail and I was weeping so much. I started to see things and my mind was completely messed up.

I saw a light that is hard to describe. Almost like you could touch it. I heard voices and sometimes I would see Auros and I would have the craziest lucid dreams of the end of the world.

I stayed there for two months. Could of signed out at any time. I was too far gone to realize that.

I get out and for a couple months I started to gain my mind back. I lost my ex which I’m thankful for. The traumatic event aroused my curiosity to know God.

A year after all that happened I gave my life to Christ.

I had the most profound joy and peace I could ever imagine.

The story is a lot more detailed then this but I’m just giving y’all the run down. I felt a immense desire to be a preacher. For two years I felt like I was chosen to be a great preacher. In 08 I decided to get on psych medication.

And that’s when I started to doubt everything. My anxiety was brutal. My dreams weren’t bad until I started getting klonopin and noticed that they weren’t working that well.

From there I was ok but lost my ambition to be anything. Then in 2016 the day I decided to go to a friends house to pick up meth and fortunately I didn’t get any but that night my truck got stolen. Then I was kicked out of where I lived and went to my dads.

The docs in TN yanked me off three mg of klonopin and I had two grand mal seizures.

From there I started to go back thru all the trauma like I was reliving it all over again.

I fired the doctor and got back on the script I had at the pharmacy from the previous doc and went back to OKLAHOMA.

My roommate was gracious enough to let me back in.

Today I have successfully weaned off klonopin but I have this unrelenting amount of anxiety everyday.

That’s all that happened to me.

I have MDD w psychotic features. PTSD, OCD PURE O type.

Insomnia, and I believe I have BIPOLAR from my dads side. ADD.

Oh boy. I have the sickest dreams ever. Ones where the devil taunts me and reminds me of this awful thorn in my flesh.

But through all of this I’ve learned obedience to Gods Word.

I’m still called to be a preacher. The ones that never been thru the fire really don’t know what life’s troubles are.

If I ever get to that place I’m up at the pulpit I feel my testimony will help those who are lost and looking for some hope.