Oh lord... are we ever gonna get out of the matrix??
Originally Posted by Dannon Oneironaut
Kilham,
I used to identify with awareness itself since the awakening. But that has since unfolded into deeper realizations. I began observing this awareness as much as possible. Then i realized that I wasn't actually observing awareness itself! But I was observing subtle formless thoughts of awareness! I was tricking myself. There were certain subtle sensations that I was fabricating and I was unknowingly reifying them as some cosmic background or subjectivity that was experiencing the other sensations that make up experience... Once I realized this, then I was amazed because something popped, the penny dropped....
There was no such thing as awareness! Or rather, awareness is merely the radiance of the vividness of appearances themselves! There is no experiencer! It is just the nature of an appearance to be known just as water is wet.
There is no such thing as awareness that is the experiencer of appearances just as there is no such thing as wetness that wets water. Water is just naturally wet. Appearances are just naturally vivid.
i love your answers and your examples Dannon I used to think that also, that we are just awareness, but then... it's another identification, we're still in the matrix, another layer of it, but still in it.
And then... there are these things I've experienced which I believe are really true and have formed my present -beliefs- (I wouldn't like to call them like that but I have no better word to describe it). Before I knew anything about the ego, consciousness, awareness, and all that, I had a profound experience that changed my life, it was the starting point to this journey, I'll describe it as summarized as posible, since I could speak for hours about what happened in probably a couple of minutes.
I was having a "bad" time in my life, just wanted to disappear from this world. I exiled myself to a natural reserve where there's no civilization in like ...about 3 hours from distance. For two weeks there was nothing but being with myself. One day I was watching the sea and two birds crossed my field vision. I began watching them, because it was incredible for me how fast they coordinated, one made a U-turn and the other followed less than a second later, almost at the same time, as if they were telepathically connected, I don't how it happened, but I was so immersed watching them that suddenly I became them, and also became the flight itself, and the -thing- that connected them, I was the movement of their wings, the air, I looked at the sand and I was also the sand, and basically everything... I was the energy that connected everything, and I couldn't give another word for this energy but "love". Everything was life, love, and I was that, because everything was one, the same thing.
Well, that's the summarized version. Later I began searching for information about all of it, learned about the ego, how I was living through the false image I had created of myself, etc. I believe that's when I started to identify with awareness, being the observer of thoughts, which really helped me a lot since it's an awakening as you call it. But then... isn't it another identification?, subtle, but there it is. You're right when you describe awareness as the radiance of the vividness of appearances. It relates in certain way to the feeling I've described on the mentioned experience, there was no experiencer, or maybe there was, but it was experiencer and experience at the same time, from what I can remember: I was the "awareness" watching the birds, but I was also the flight itself. I could describe it as different cameras, like when you are watching a movie or a t.v program in different angles and from different positions. I was in every place and in every thing at the same time.
I'm telling this because this is not merely an intellectual thought of what the nature of things probably is. I "believe" this from direct "experience".
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