How Much Does Physical Attractiveness Matter

**Xantox** · 04-21-2015 12:24 AM

As a twenty-something male, this is something that I've ruminated upon a lot. When looking for a long-term partner, how much does physical attractiveness matter? I'll be talking as a male, but I'm not pushing females out of the frame. So let's say I find a girl who's very personable, she doesn't blow up, she likes many of the things I do, she gets my humor, she is great at conversation, etc. She's all of these things except that I don't find her physically attractive really at all. That little thing right there stops the whole relationship from happening (most of the time). And let's be honest, if you feel like you're settling, no one's really going to be happy. You're not going to be satisfied with the person you have, and she's going to eventually pick up on the fact that you're drawn to other women far more than her.

Now I'm not advocating sitting around waiting for the model of perfection to stroll right out of heaven and into your arms. But I'm saying there's obviously a limit, and below that limit you're not going to be happy. An analogy I made to illustrate this is that women are like food. Some are really tasty, but they'll never do in the long term. Some are nutritive, but you gag every time you swallow them. And, honestly, some are both nasty and poisonous. What you're looking for is someone who's both delicious and nutritious. Someone you can savor in the short term, but who will also benefit you in the long term. You should obviously try to become the sort of person that is deserving of a girl like that as well.

I have many more thoughts on this, such as our relative scale of attraction is dictated to an extent by the sample size. If you've grown up in a little village and have only ever really seen about 100 women in your life, and only 30 of those were ever within your marrying range, you're going to be a lot easier to satisfy than someone who swipes through Tinder every day, visually sampling every offer in the surrounding area.

What are your thoughts? Why is attractiveness important and at what point is is okay to settle (because no one's perfect and you're going to have to settle on some points)? I'd love to hear your input.

**Katsuno** · 04-24-2015 01:36 AM

It might sound cheesy now when I say that personality is all that matters, but it pretty much is.

According to many pickup instructors (if you don't know what pickup is, look up RSD pickup on google), the more women you have been with, the less you care about attractiveness. At least physical attractiveness.

Some of the most experienced instructors have been doing pickup for over a decade and they've been with hundreds of women. And in some recent articles they said that they are at a point in life now, where they actually noticed that physical attractiveness is nothing special anymore. It's not something they look for in a girl anymore, since after you've had a lot of abundance, it's a common thing. What's not common are special personality traits, which really make the girl seem interesting to you. This 'nutritious and delicious food' you're talking about is probably the personality, which never gets boring and it helps you to actually connect to the girl.

I believe that this mindset of not being interested in a girl just because she's not overly attractive will subside after you've had enough reference experience.
So yeah, I don't think there's a minimum limit of physical attractiveness that needs to be a given. We humans can't decide how we are born into this world, so it shouldn't matter how we look. The only thing that's important is how we take care of the things that we can influence, so I believe as long as a person knows how to take care of him/herself (personal hygiene for example), it's really all about personality.
The thing about physical attractiveness is that it's pretty much a matter of personal preferance. Your personal taste changes during time and you can easily trick yourself into viewing certain characteristics as beautiful. But you'll probably always be attracted to a certain kind of personality, which matters much more.

**dolphin** · 04-24-2015 03:22 AM

In a partner all that matters is how enjoyable it is to be with that person. Everything plays a role in that.

**tindove** · 06-12-2015 12:24 AM

Most people will lose the physical attraction/novelty feels that are a big part of the driving force for sexual relationships somewhere along the way regardless. Sexual urges go through highs and lows in the course of a relationship. Apparently they stop altogether, and it is up to you to decide whether or not the lack of sensual passion or desire means the end of the relationship. I think that maybe most married people end up being more like best friends? and the sexual passion subsides and is something you need to work towards to keep alive, anyways. I need to ask more happily married people, maybe.

I personally couldn't enter a relationship if I wasn't sexually attracted to someone. It would be dishonest- and the precursor to a relationship for me would mean that I respect them, and part of respecting someone means being honest with them. It basically comes down to the question "would I feel good if someone were to "settle" for me?" And the answer to that is no. So I guess honesty is my go-to thing. Don't hurt someone you care about. Don't use people as a security blanket. I'd rather be lonely than dishonest. Feeling unfulfilled in a relationship is a lonely feeling, anyways.

(I wonder why so many men feel the need to bring in food and object analogies when talking about women. ick)

**Wisher** · 06-12-2015 09:53 AM

When starting a relationship it seems pretty important but it's pretty case specific

But imagine you are 50yrs into a relationship. At that point its definitely not physical attractiveness that matters or you would move onto some younger chick. Or when your in a relationship but then the person gets disfigured, it'd show you it was a shallow love if you leave the person.

Then there are stories like Fault in Our Stars where the guy falls in love with her even though he knows she has cancer. I think that's the profundity of love we all really want to find. Someone whose entire being is so enchanting to you that you can't help to see only perfection. She'll be beautiful beyond measure when you are truly love struck, and if you are not at that point that's fine. Have fun in life, but only tie down when she's beautiful beyond measure