A Kind Of Philosophy In Poem Form.....

Recently, I started an art project and I decided to include poetry as poetry is art in written form...one of my passions...my art topic was Death and Destruction...tell me what you think about this piece of poetry...honest answers only please :wink:


Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live...


For all the people out there who feel they can't talk to anyone...trust me you are not alone

xxxxxx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ;395394

Recently, I started an art project and I decided to include poetry as poetry is art in written form...one of my passions...my art topic was Death and Destruction...tell me what you think about this piece of poetry...honest answers only please :wink:
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live...
For all the people out there who feel they can't talk to anyone...trust me you are not alone

xxxxxx[/b]

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Wow, my god honest answer is that this makes me very sad. Yet I see where you are coming from. Definetely has alot to do with philosophy. I may lean towards the other extreme in terms of philosophy, yet I'm not saying I live by it... If you've studied any existentialist works, I tend to agree with this. You definetly do have a passion, and I say keep it up, its a very strong mode of art and communication and you do it very well. I've done a few myself, yet not having to do with philosophy,... actually some about lucid dreaming...you've given me a new idea! :content:

Keep it up, I will read your poems because sometimes they can say alot more than regualr dialogue.
Well done

To b honest the message your trying t oget acorss regarding philosiphy or whatever, thats your business
but the poetry itslef
I personally dont find it a very enjoynable read.
It doesnt really provide me with anything
the vocab is sligtly basic and the rhyming scheme is a little too structured
The poem gives acorss a sort of young impression
but the more you write the better you become
Personally, I'd aim to expand the vocab used, let your rhyme scheme drop off a bit and add some form of emotive language, also include some iamgery as this is the greatest component of poetry.

and of course poetry is 99% interpretation
to me what is not so good, maybe a masterpiece to the next man

If you enjoy it, keep doing what your doing

No offence intented.

Imran

Quote:

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Originally Posted by imran_p

To b honest the message your trying t oget acorss regarding philosiphy or whatever, thats your business
but the poetry itslef
I personally dont find it a very enjoynable read.
It doesnt really provide me with anything
the vocab is sligtly basic and the rhyming scheme is a little too structured
The poem gives acorss a sort of young impression
but the more you write the better you become
Personally, I'd aim to expand the vocab used, let your rhyme scheme drop off a bit and add some form of emotive language, also include some iamgery as this is the greatest component of poetry.

and of course poetry is 99% interpretation
to me what is not so good, maybe a masterpiece to the next man

If you enjoy it, keep doing what your doing

No offence intented.

Imran[/b]

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Well I thankyou for your comment...I really appreciate it and don't worry no offence taken...next time I will do what you say and add more imagery and different vocabulary...thankyou very much xxx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bro

Wow, my god honest answer is that this makes me very sad. Yet I see where you are coming from. Definetely has alot to do with philosophy. I may lean towards the other extreme in terms of philosophy, yet I'm not saying I live by it... If you've studied any existentialist works, I tend to agree with this. You definetly do have a passion, and I say keep it up, its a very strong mode of art and communication and you do it very well. I've done a few myself, yet not having to do with philosophy,... actually some about lucid dreaming...you've given me a new idea! :content:

Keep it up, I will read your poems because sometimes they can say alot more than regualr dialogue.
Well done[/b]

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Thankyou so very very much....I really appreciate this and I will definitely post some more hehe much love xxxx

:yumdumdoodledum:

I'm a little lost by the poem. You heap negative images on the reader, and finish on a hopeful note that comes out of nowhere. The disconnection is to wide for me to draw a profound message from your efforts. Perhaps if you worked to create a smoother transition between moods, people of my tastes would be able to enjoy your poetry more.