Dream Girl/Man?

What do you guys think about having a "dream partner"? I mean the dream partner who is perfect, true love and all that... You know - like when someone says: "The woman of my dreams would be/have..."

Does anyone agree that having a dream partner is shallow? Loving the one true love... I don't mean, having multiple wives/husbands, I mean potentially, anyone could be your partner; not by one perfect "imagining".

I thought about it the other day, sure it would be awesome if it worked out, but what's if you based it also on how they look? I mean, throughout your life you could reject/ignore all these "men/ladies" who could be "yours". Where would you end up - how many opportunities would you miss for the sake of "one"?

There's no such thing as a dream partner. It's a nice illusion to have in mind but it doesn't have anything to do with reality. I don't even see the point of this whole thought process.

In simple terms, people usually imagine or hope such a dream partner to exist somewhere in the world because they hope that finding him will somehow make their life complete. They're not really looking for someone to love, they're looking for someone to fill the void of meaning in their life.

In modern times, this is obviously the result of media indoctrination. In movies and folklore, all one has to do to live happily and fulfilled is finding the "dream partner". Reality: There's no such thing as a dream partner who will take the responsibility of your life. You have to put conscious effort into your human relationships. Folklore and idealistic nonsense give the image of unconditional love. It doesn't exist. Unconditional love is empty.

A 'big image' result of this kind of thinking is the following: If you do something wrong in your job, you do it better next time and change. Nobody will do it for you. If you do something wrong in a relationship, you don't have to change anything, because "infinite all-encompassing love" will take care of it. It's even worse in marriages because once people get married they care even less about how they behave. Marriage can serve as a symbol of non-responsibility: We're married so it doesn't really matter what we do since we love each other so much.

It shall also be noticed that people are in a constant process of change and adaption. The concepts of dream partner or eternal love are limiting to the personal development and the development of the partner. Ultimately, this is detrimental to the mutual bonding, rather than positive in any way.

The more you try to stick to this concept, the less likely it is that your relationship or whatever you're trying to do is going to work out. The reason is: You are getting out of touch with reality. You are seeing a specific person or persons in the light of perfection and thus you actually disrespect his individual personality. You are trying to put people into frames that are solely inside your head. Instead of taking people as who they are you try to fit them into a specific concept.

It doesn't work that way.

If you cling to the concept of some eternal love, you have several problems:

1. You're searching for something that doesn't exist.

2. In a breakup situation, you either think that you lost the love of your life and you become suicidal or you think that it wasn't the love of your life and you condemn the whole relationship.

3. Most importantly: You are not actually focusing on the reality of the person you feel attracted to. Instead, you project false notions onto this person to protect your ideal of true love. Your lack of respect for reality and for your partner will give you the feeling of true love while taking from you all the positive emotions that are actually supposed to go with it.

4. Also important: Tendency to give up the self in low self-esteem individuals once the so called dream partner is found. Self-sacrifice for the good of the relationship.

Aside from the unrealistic and idealistic premise of this concept, what's the point of it? Why would you even limit yourself and your love to only one person? This can as well incorporate the idea of not having to deal with the actual world, giving up self-responsibility by clinging and merging with another being and giving up individuality.

There's really no point to this whole concept because it bears no relation to reality. The one thing that matters is the present state of things and your own respect for reality. Why would you want to drift off into the dream scape of some eternal love? Most probably you're just seeking a way to give up responsibility.

PS: Once we're talking about a mixture of "emotional love" and "sexual love" (please don't ask what I mean by that because I'm not too sure), obviously looks play a significant role in the process, as well as straight out sexuality. That's another point. Some people actually come to think that since love is so infinite and blablabla, their relationship will work out without a good banging. It won't.

Korittke, nice post! You have very good things to mention.

So I'm guessing you have the same take on Soul-mates - they are the same thing/concept, right?

Koritte, I agree, very insightful post! ;)

Korittke, excellent post! Couldn't have said it better myself! People who are attached to this silly cosmic idea of "ONE soulmate" are being very narrow-minded, and setting themselves up for failure. In fact, when you take that to an extreme, it's an example of something called "Disabled Will." There are MANY people out there who are "right for you", not just one. People aren't like Bagels (sesame = the ONE true bagel, and you can go die if you disagree :D).

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Originally Posted by Korittke

PS: Once we're talking about a mixture of "emotional love" and "sexual love" (please don't ask what I mean by that because I'm not too sure), obviously looks play a significant role in the process, as well as straight out sexuality. That's another point. Some people actually come to think that since love is so infinite and blablabla, their relationship will work out without a good banging. It won't.

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This is another interesting point. I'd like to talk a little about looks. There are a lot of so-called "nice guys" out there who try to pass off this retarded blanket notion that looks don't matter. But the bottom line is, for GUYS, looks DO matter. Maybe not in the long run, but for first impressions, they do. You can raise your hand and tell me that's not the case, but I won't believe you for a second. If you're the guy who claims looks don't matter, it's because you want to sneak into relationships from the back door that is "close friendship first", and I bet you have a LOT of close female friends (and nothing more).

On the other side of the fence, things are different. Looks contribute to less than a third of the first impression a woman makes of a man. That's good news for men! It means that, while women have it a lot easier (in terms of "rules of attraction" or whatever), men have the advantage of it being a learnable SKILL. But anyway, this is getting off-topic.

Once again, Korittke, excellent post, and I love the fact that most people on the continent will secretly disagree with it, because that helps to boost OUR chances :D.