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    1. #1
      Here, now Rainman's Avatar
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      Reasons to stop asking "why" in bad situations

      When something bad happens, people must stop asking "why?".

      Ever have something bad happen and say "why me?" Or ever ask someone out and get rejected only to find yourself asking yourself, "why doesn't s/he like me?" Ever try to sell something and have it not work out, and ask "why can't I complete sales?" Ever have anything bad happen and say "why does this always happen?"

      When something bad happens, stop asking why. Why? Because by asking why, you are looking for reason and ways for more bad things to happen to you, and thus attracting it to you. If that doesn't make sense, allow me to elaborate.

      By asking why, your brain will automatically start to think of all the reasons your crush may have rejected you, which would inevitably lead to you answering yourself with things that are wrong with you, which is not useful. In fact, it's completely counterproductive. This thinking applies to all scenarios. "why can't I complete sales?" Your mind will search for negative reasons why you fail, at which point once again, you are focusing on the negative, which is counterproductive.

      There are ways of asking "why" without really asking why. For example, if you are rejected by someone, instead of saying "why doesn't she like me, = something must be wrong with me", you could go through the following process. "Fact- she does not like me. what can I do to change this?.

      Aha. Now you are focusing on your goal and working toward it, instead of concentrating on the negative, which can do absolutely nothing for you. What can I do to change this. How can I make her like me. It seems like not much of a difference, but it does. There is a vast difference between asking yourself "why doesn't she like me" and asking "what can I do to change the fact that she doesn't like me". How are those things different?

      The former statement focuses on the present situation, and is not useful. It is negative, and nothing useful can come out of asking yourself "why". The latter, however acknowledges the negative situation, and MOVES ON to start working toward your goal. "What can I do to make her like me" or "How DO I make her like me" focuses solely on your goal and how to achieve it. This is constructive and useful.

      So you see, when bad situations arise, asking why they happened is not only useless, it is also harming you to do so. Stop asking why. Start looking toward your goal.

      This is just simple psychology. If you focus on negativity, then you will accomplish nothing. You will just make yourself feel worse, and nothing gets done. Rephrasing your questions so that they work toward a constructive goal will prove useful.

    2. #2
      Drivel's Advocate Xaqaria's Avatar
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      Asking why allows you to rethink your tactics and improve upon past mistakes. There is no problem with analyzing what went wrong. This is how people learn. Otherwise you are apt to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    3. #3
      Member really's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Xaqaria View Post
      Asking why allows you to rethink your tactics and improve upon past mistakes. There is no problem with analyzing what went wrong. This is how people learn. Otherwise you are apt to make the same mistakes over and over again.
      This is very true.

      Rainman, despite that you appear to contradict yourself, I think I see your point. Some people ask 'Why' without really thinking about it very well, misleading their beliefs. It's good to think things through, using an elimination method if needed.

    4. #4
      pj
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      The real difficulty isn't in asking 'why,' but rather in exploring 'why' with the assumption that a personal failure is the root cause. While it is entirely possible that a personal failure DID lead to the event, making the assumption leads to ignoring all the other variables.

      Sometimes, perhaps even often, 'why' is completely out of our control and beyond our ability to have been able to perceive and intervene. Even in cases where perception and intervention MIGHT have been possible, we need to be realistic about how aware we can really be and where the boundaries of our responsibility truly lay.

      Continually finding ways to fault yourself when bad things happen, even when placing that fault is irrational, is an all too common form of insanity.

      The bottom line is that we humans are not omniscient, and we have to deal with that truth.
      Last edited by pj; 09-10-2007 at 12:45 PM.
      On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.
      --Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

      The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.
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