Losing a loved one

[gaia]

We are all probably familiar with the pain caused by someone important departing from our life. Someone important is about to leave my life, and move to another country. The pain that I experienced made me think, why this is. What I realized was something, which seems to be very true about human relationships in general. Namely, that there are three ways we can love another person. Our relationships are usually a mix of these three however. First kind is sexual attraction, which isn't love but our society sometimes confuses this for love. This is mere desire, and satisfaction of desire. Third way of love - and only this is really love - is unconditional, or Platonic love. Second is what I call personal love, and this is which most of our relationships are based on. We love people (or in singular, the significant other) because of who they are. We are attracted to personality traits that we like. We like these specific personality traits because we want to develop those ourselves. We love someone because they will make us more whole. Generally we do not notice these reasons, but it certainly seems true to me. If we love someone because they will help us develop ourselves, then there is no need really to be near that person. As soon as we realize what it is that we love in them, they can be thousand kilometres away or dead, and we can continue loving them, by living in the way that they would live. This realization takes away all the pain of departure.

[Vance]

This might have been better off in the Help forum... Anyway, I could see it from that point of view, I suppose, but to me, it's just wanting to care for someone, and someone caring for you. Anyway, in terms of marital relationships, I seriously doubt love is playing such a prominent role in being the glue there anymore. Seriously, call me the old romantic, but it really amazes me how people start co-existing instead of being husband and wife after about a month. They don't have time for each other's opinions, they don't say anything to each other before they go to sleep, they don't say anything at breakfast except what they have to do and what will happen that day (if they have breakfast together at all) and then in the afternoon they complain about the day and exchange small talk and go to sleep again. REWIND Wow, so moving.

[ray]

thank you gaia. i agree with you about the types of love and the departure of loved ones.

[LucidFlanders]

Death...i have been through it. 30 deaths in 15 years. Not so bad i guess, get used to it. You are born to die.

[gaia]

thank you gaia. i agree with you about the types of love and the departure of loved ones. Thank you aswell. Your reply made it worth posting this in the first place

[Soldier]

Death...i have been through it. 30 deaths in 15 years. Not so bad i guess, get used to it. You are born to die. true, personally only experienced 3 deaths 1 though was quite dramatic.