Thread: pain

chronic pain? fuck yeah, it's HELL...

i have something called essential myoclonus, which is incredibly rare or something, and pretty much makes it so the muscles in my back clench and twist and tighten on their own, to which my body's reaction is to spasm the muscles to release the building tension, and essentially, twitch. if i do it a couple times in a row, it looks like i'm having a seizure. it hurts to twitch too much, cuz it wears u out and eventually u're too tired to twitch anymore and u want to just die, your muscles are NOT made to sustain that... i can keep from doing it, i have a lot of control over it now, but truthfully, it tends to hurt more than twitching, cuz to try to explain it, it's like each muscle in your back is a rubber band that's slowly being stretched out, tighter and tighter, until u want to just scream; and the longer u hold it off, if u give in, the worse the twitch is. usually if i go to sleep, a lot of the tension goes away, but my sweetheart says i do it in my sleep, to the point of hitting or at least waking up anyone else in the same bed. i learned a long time ago though, that on bad days, when it starts to wind up bad and i can feel that it's going to b hell, if i don't sleep to kill off the tension, i'm just fucked, cuz if i don't try to control it, i'll twitch until i can hardly move, i'm so tired, and then my muscles will keep cramping up, to the point that i end up twisted into a fetal position, every muscle in the most strained, cramped position is can work into, locked; it hurts to be in, but i can't get out, every time i try the moment i stop straining i just fold back in, and straining hurts more. if i start to lock up, then it's too late to sleep, i can't relax enough, and i just have to wait it out. though massages help, and the last couple times it started to do that, and i was past being able to sleep, my sweetie gave me a nice massage and it went away enough that i could sleep.

there's meds, but in my opinion, the side effect and life style changes weren't worth it; these days i control it more or less by willpower and a pretty decent pain tolerance; also learned a few relaxation techniches, imagining water rushing over and through my muscles like rocks in a fast brook. i remember the days before i could deal with it though, where if i wasn't busy doing a whole lot at once, ever sat down and sighed a deep breath, i just wanted to cry, it hurt so bad. i learned how to drive rather well through tears...

but jesus, burning sensation? fuck that's gotta be hell. i feel your pain... but something i've found is forcing yourself to believe and percieve something, like how i said with the brook thing, helps; though u really have to make yourself feel all the sensations for it to work. just a thought... it helps me, u know?

Nebulae, is sleeping hard or do you take medication before bed?