A Loner's Expectations

[thedogsmeow]

I, like many other people online, am a loner. I am loner mostly because of my shyness, and the Internet provides me with an outlet in which I can express myself and communicate with others. Communication is essential if not solely for survival, for our personal well being. Take the movie "Cast Away" for example. In this movie, Tom Hanks' character, who is stranded on an island, is so desperate for communication that he starts talking with a volleyball that was in one of his Fed Ex packages. Lately though, like Tom Hanks' character, I have felt the need to communicate beyond the computer screen. I started by going to get a cup of coffee with a friend, or just hanging out with someone and watching t.v. It felt good to just get out and communicate with people. When I first started going out, I had an expectation that I would have someone to hang out with every day or at least someone to talk with besides on the net. When I looked at my life in contrast to what I thought I saw in the lives of other people who were social, I thought these people were always socializing so I expected the same. I quickly realized my expectations were way off. What I realized is that most people, at least from my personal experience, even though they may have friends, spend the majority of their time (when not working or in school) reading, watching tv, or going on the computer. It got me to thinking - how many other people are sitting at home right now that wish they had someone to hang out with in my town, state, country, the world? Are all of us loners lacking communication with the outside world because we spend so much of our time not communicating, while not realizing that there are other loners out there that would love a friend? I realized that the Internet has become my "Wilson". (For those of you who don't know, Tom Hanks actually named his volleyball "Wilson" in the movie "Cast Away.") I don't mean to say that people online are not real, what I mean is that I can communicate with people online and they can communicate back, but there is no face-to-face conversation. Believe me, I am very grateful that the Internet exists. It provides loners and shy people a way of communicating that they would not otherwise have. I just wish all those loners out there would be more communicative in the outside world, so that they could make some friends in "real life." P.S. This may not be that well thought out right now and I may edit it later after reading it over a few times.

[Invader]

In terms of communication skills, the internet is a double edged sword, so to speak. It does provide ample opportunity to talk to people you might not speak to normally due to shyness, or what have you, but at the same time it doesn't allow you to build on natural social skills that you would otherwise build in the outside world. You may end up talking to someone online for a good year or so, perhaps meet them in life for the first time, and then feel so awkward that you have nothing else to talk about! So sure, the internet is great for chatting and sharing ideas, but it's not a replacement for real social interaction.

[thedogsmeow]

Yeah, I agree, you don't really learn social skills merely typing on a computer!

[Kuhnada29]

Drink alcohol. it will make socializing way better. And it will feel great. Don't rely soley on alocohl jsut use it as a cruch for socializing. You dont want to be dependednt on it.

[thedogsmeow]

haha, well I have to wait until May until I can drink legally :-x

[Universal Mind]

Drink alcohol. it will make socializing way better. And it will feel great. Don't rely soley on alocohl jsut use it as a cruch for socializing. You dont want to be dependednt on it. People need to be careful with that. It can blow up in your face if you start slurring your words, telling strangers to screw themselves, and falling into people's stereos and CD collections. If used the right way, alcohol can really loosen people up socially. The best way to get accustomed to social situations is to keep showing up in them. It usually gets more and more comfortable. And do a lot of laughing and smiling that at least looks like you really mean it. That goes a long way. If you act like you genuinely think you belong, people will assume that you do. Plus, joining some kind of team or club where people are working together toward a goal helps. Then people see you as somebody they need, which makes most of them like you.

[Xaqaria]

Drink alcohol. it will make socializing way better. And it will feel great. Don't rely soley on alocohl jsut use it as a cruch for socializing. You dont want to be dependednt on it. The only reason why people feel like they are better at relating to people when they are drunk is because everyone else is drunk too, and mostly for the same reason. Such a silly way for everyone to try to relate to each other.

[Original Poster]

haha, well I have to wait until May until I can drink legally :-x lulz Also UM, if you just laugh and smile people will think you have some sort of problem. I would

[Universal Mind]

Also UM, if you just laugh and smile people will think you have some sort of problem. I would I wasn't talking about just doing it. If you do a lot of laughing, you've got to throw in some talking, and men can't get away with just smiling. However, women can get away with just doing a lot of smiling.

[Forsaken]

God, can I ever relate to the loneliness. I feel so awkward in social situations that I've avoided them all my life. I am the definition of 'loner'.

[LucidFlanders]

Last time i was drunk i felt like i could do anything, i was ALIVE! i was completly, and utterly WASTED too, so maybe that was why.

[AirRick101]

The only reason why people feel like they are better at relating to people when they are drunk is because everyone else is drunk too, and mostly for the same reason. Such a silly way for everyone to try to relate to each other. I actually find these to be very wise words.... hit the gym, thedogsmeow, you'll build your confidence up, and your social situation will just improve naturally. people can smell confidence every bit as well as they can smell fear. you need a bit more of an ego, too, do you have any special talents you are particularly proud of?

[thedogsmeow]

Forsaken - I know how you feel. AirRick101 - Well I am good at stuff on the computer and also at writing. I don't know about hitting up the gym but I do like walking so maybe I'll try walking more and maybe I'll meet some people naturally that way haha.

[DeathCell]

The internet should never be instead of communicating with the real world. Get out.

[AirRick101]

Forsaken - I know how you feel. AirRick101 - Well I am good at stuff on the computer and also at writing. I don't know about hitting up the gym but I do like walking so maybe I'll try walking more and maybe I'll meet some people naturally that way haha. oh, I forgot you were a girl but still, going to the gym is good for you, just don't expect to find guys to talk to over there, most of them are like me, they just ogle at all the females who are getting their sweat on while admiring whatever muscles they have in the mirror while doing curls consider getting into dancing, most girls I know who dance are pretty free people in general, very sociable and comfortable with themselves

[High Hunter]

You know, I agree and understand your point of view on this matter.. The internet does indeed let people communicate with people from all over the world and stuff. But here's my thing... To me, communication is MUCH more than words. Words are actually kind of useless sometimes...they are just the result of our logical minds spitting out pre-stored information that came to us through experiences and whatnot. Anyway, what I'm saying is, the true secrets of communication lie within the subconscious. Just being next to somebody involves a LOT of subconscious communication, and that's what I think people really need. A good, comfortable, speechless type of communication. From there, words and ideas are all interesting, for the most part anyway. Of course words in conversations are stimulating and very important in the relationship, don't get me wrong. But, you know what I mean? Just my 2 cents.