I was raised in a Christian household, but, for the same reasons as you, I questioned this belief. I questioned it when I was 5 years old! I'll never forget that day. I was looking at my dad's fish tank, and I asked God to prove himself by turning me into a fish. He obviously didn't, and I was left so confused, though I had an innate feeling that he wouldn't do it before I even asked. I could not and still cannot grasp how God can send people whom he loves unconditionally to Hell. I remember when I told my mom I wasn't a Christian when I was a teenager, and she cried her eyes out. It was very hard. I also used to date a Church of Christ boy around that time, and at their church one morning, they preached that Lutherans, Baptists, and the like were all going to Hell. I was FUMING in the sermon. I asked him if he thought I was going to Hell, and he said yes. His mom tried to talk to me about it, but I was so mad I couldn't say anything. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." After that, I rejected any kind of religion or spirituality.
Over the years, I've learned that I believe in a little bit of everything. Last year, I had a HUGE spiritual awakening, interestingly enough, through a book about Christianity. I was finally able to accept myself for who I was. I started studying the Bible and going to church, but I slowly started to see that a lot of the people in church were just putting on a facade. Not all of them, but many of them were. I knew that wasn't what the Bible taught, and I started seeking more answers. I've finally come to this: I believe in an all-loving God, like the one that Christians worship, but I also believe in reincarnation, like the Buddhists. I don't see this God as an "old man in the sky", but just an all-encompassing light, one that exists always, in the realm of past, present and future. This consciousness will never die, it is eternal. It is us, in a sense, but it is us after we have all joined with it. We are all of the same consciousness. I also believe that our beliefs are all constantly changing and being shaped by what we experience in life. I know mine have been, and I fully expect them to keep morphing and changing.
Above all, I believe in love; it is the most important aspect of my belief system, and I believe that's how it should be. You damn yourself when you reject love. Hell is a mindset, and so is Heaven. My beliefs are constantly changing, but I'm not a fan of organized religion. I do go to church sometimes, because I do get messages out of the sermons, and I believe the Bible is true, but not "literally". It's very symbolic, just like every other book on spirituality out there. I also believe that all religions are true, it's just that some people need different things in their lives, because we are all different. Different, but the same. We are all of one consciousness, learning and absorbing different aspects of everything. It's a complicated thing to explain, I actually tried explaining it to my brother yesterday, but I kept getting tongue-tied, because a lot of what I'm trying to say cannot be put into words. He understood though, which made me happy. I still have so much to learn, but I believe that none of us really know for sure what we will find upon death, nor will we ever until we die.
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