How should I deal with my religious mom?
My mom believes near death experiences are sufficient evidence for an afterlife. My mom believes Muslims are demon-possessed. She also believes god intervenes sometimes, but not others, because he has a mysterious purpose for everyone. Innocents who die young were supposed to die young, because God needed them as helpers. Rape has a reason, too, as a test of faith. She also claimed god came down and spontaneously crushed a pack of cigarettes for her when she was considering quitting.
I tried proposing divinely-influenced evolution. The idea that God made the universe where life could emerge, and that that was intentional. It's possible that god guided the random mutations into the forms we see today. She ignored what I said and responded with. "He built them out of, like, life-clay. It took a lot of work."
I proposed the idea that maybe God needed people to not believe in him, since rape and rabies are apart of his plan, why not atheists? People who function better, do more for the world, in part because they do not believe in a deity, that it makes them search harder and do better science. She responded with "I don't believe it because the bible says everyone needs to know god." And when I ask how she's so certain that her holy book is the true one, she goes back to, "It's obvious. Just look at those muslims! Demons!"
So far, I'm trying a compatabilist approach. Trying to open her mind to better versions of god (as opposed to no god at all). Ones that don't burn nonbelievers or other believers of religions, mostly. But as far as reaching that goal, I am falling short.
I want to show her that a person can be good, and even a god could like them, even if that person is an atheist. I want to tell her what humanists are.
But our discussions are usually fruitless. They start with her lecturing me on religion (I never initiate). Giving me a red and green sign that says "Believe" for Christmas. Offering me a book on Judaism ('cause my lover is a jew, do ho ho. She's constantly bringing up his religion in front of her, and I cannot begin to explain to her why it offends her) just this morning. Telling me how I'm going to burn in hell. And when I try to speak, she interrupts. She literally won't listen to what I say, and then spouts her own dogma. And when she does listen, she does not respond in a way that shows understanding of any sort. See evolution example.
I told her that it's unfair to be able to lecture me on Christianity while denying me the ability to express my opinions of it. She started yelling over me, "MY HOUSE MY RULES YOU ARE MY SON AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN."
So I conceded, and asked her in a polite way to explain her views on religion further. I made tea for us both, and she started talking about god's mysterious justice system, and how it's a possible reason for my atheism (gee, mom, thanks for assuming why I'm atheist instead of asking. Look at you you're so clever!). "God doesn't answer everyone's prayers all the time. You can't expect that from him."
All the content in this post (aside from the Believe sign) was from that tea time we had.
I want my mom to believe that it's possible to be moral without a belief in god. I want my mom some day to share in some spiritual wondering I've done, about possible afterlifes and possible gods, and ultimately to do that on her own. I don't want to change her views, I want to expand them, perhaps make them healthier. This tea we had felt like a start, turning anger into a peaceful, 'mom shares her opinions and Abra only speaks to agree or ask a not-very-threatening question,' almost discussion-like discourse.
Anyway, I have from now until Friday with her, since everyone else is gone for school or work. I want to make progress now, as when I return to uni I will lose all interest in this until our next meeting. I need strategies to make the religious parent more accepting. I will post resulting conversations from this week in this thread. Go Dreamviews Go!