Thread: Spiritual Steps

I was raised Catholic and throughout my life I had many conflicting beliefs with this religion, but I accepted it because everyone I knew was Christian. Around the age of 16 I began abusing alcohol and drugs. This continued until I was about 31 years old. I remember being pressured to pick a college direction and after one semester I ended up dropping out. My next move was to move back in with my family and get a job. At this point I began to abuse drugs pretty heavily and alcohol as well. When I turned 21, I had enough. I decided to join the military and ended up straightening up. Although the drugs were out of my life I did still drink until I passed out every weekend. I met my wife in Japan and she ended up coming back to the states with me. My drinking continued and before I knew it I was smoking dope again. I was like a closet smoker and hid it with my life from her. Well as you can about imagine she ended up catching me with. This turned into my wife almost leaving me and going back to Japan, not to mention she was pregnant with our first child. At this point I was like... oh shit! I need to do something! So I ended up seeking help, got it, and sobered up. This is when I would say my spiritual journey started. The whole concept of a punishing God just didn't sit right with me. And after thinking about how many different beliefs there were in the world and I just so happen to have been born into mine, I then decided to do a little soul searching. This is what REALLY regained my interest in LDing. I remember thinking about it and wondering if I could actually meet God. Well, I did have a very interesting experience with this. The more I researched LDing, the more OOBE popped up and since then I have gotten into this as well. At about 3 years sober my wifes mom died and we went to Japan to mourn and for the whole funeral process. The majority of them are Buddhist and I remember the entire chanting they would do. I was familiar with this because I used to live there and had been there many times at this point. He mom's sect was Soka Gakkai. We found a temple about 2 hours away from us and had some contact with them to try to get a scroll that goes into her moms Butsudan, which is a wooden temple like thing that you light an incense and pray to. Then I started to get contacted by them and after doing some research I didn't really agree 100% with their beliefs either. But this did open me up to the beliefs of the Buddhism. Many things happen in my life now that when I look, REALLY look and pay attention, are amazing. My life isn't perfect, but atleast I now feel like I can spiritually grow again. From the time I had sobered up until now everything seems to be like I am back on a path. As before I was lost... and really really hopeless. Like, I always felt like I had to compete with everybody. It didn't matter what it was, I was going to be better than you. Now, it is so much easier for me to try to be one amongst others. Things have calmed down a lot. I do yoga a lot, contemplate my dreams, look and research a lot of religious beliefs and am really starting to see that things like money and possessions do not make you happy. I am REALLY beginning to see this. However, I am having a hard time letting some of this go. I see a lot of people that work so hard. Work turns into who they are. I don't want this and I do need balance. Family is so important. I almost feel when I look around me that everything in a sense is a lie. It is all what people have created up to this point and I just so happen to be here NOW. So many distractions and rules. I miss listening to that thing that would tell me what to do before I would do it. It was always right and made me feel good when I listened. When I didn't I usually learned a lesson from it. Tuning into this can be hard since I don't always want to hear it. I believe this is pure and from our heart. But as I said, so many distractions. Money seems to be the core of EVERYONES motivations nowadays. Our reality is based on this. I don't know, I could really go on about this but I'm thankful to have my eyes open now. I'm still learning and still don't know sh*t. However, I'm glad for things like this forum. People are very open minded to things that people want to make you believe aren't REAL. I have learned a lot here and so far it has helped me on my path. Thanks. Does anyone else have a story to share? I didn't get to complete this because the parking meter tells me I need to move my car, lol.