so, i see two older people walk up to my door today and ring-a-ding-ding. i decide it'd be interesting to talk to jehovah's witnesses for a change instead pretending to be absent.
so i get to chatting with robert and alice and ask them inside. they are very nice. robert does most of the talking, and starts out by discussing the condition in the world. how governments spend money on armaments which could eradicate poverty, how children die of hunger constantly, etc..
this impresses me, as he showed that he has a decent grasp on the situation in the world, and doesn't have his head stuck in the sand like many of the religious i have spoken with.
we discuss various doctrines and councils and hopes and burnings at the stake. throughout our communication he is softspoken and i feel a true connection with him. he even references ghandi's declaration:
"i love your christ, but hate your christians".
he is not fidgety or embarrassed or aggressive. sometimes for minutes on end we maintain unbroken eye contact. this impresses me further, as he is the first person in ages who does not look away after some moments. (i have never been able to trust those who cannot even look you in the eye when they speak to you).
after an hour or so i tell them i unfortunately must end the conversation and attend to other things. his wife leaves, and robert and i begin to bring our dialogue to a close..
this is when my epiphany occured.
some of you are likely familiar with the crazed look animals take on when they are fearful, readily apparent especially in the eyes...
well, i began to watch a change in robert as he began to argue for his particular brand of truth. he bacame increasingly animated and began to use his hands for added emphasis. he began to speak of judgement as his voice rose in volume, and how very few would enter heaven.
his eyes glossed over, and he was no longer looking into my eyes. our souls were no longer flowing between us through the medium of pacifism and compassion.
he was scared, his eyes flitting nervously around, examing the points where the ceiling joins the walls (as if justification for his zealous feelings was to be found there.)
for the last five minutes i was no longer in the presence of a spiritual seeker motivate by Love, but a religious fanatic motivated by fear. his eyes were concrete by the end.
whereupon he was finished, and it was as if watching a demon leave him. the coldness left his eyes, his voice resumed its softspoken nature, and his arms dropped to his sides.
he was embarrassed, as if he had just ripped off his clothes in a drunken frenzy and urinated on the kitchen floor. the same embarrassed look pets get when they know you can see right through them. because he realized that i had not become cold, distant, and deranged during this period, but he had.
which led me to my epiphany (which was/is so much more than words can convey).
the "sinful nature", the "flesh", "evil", "samsara", etc is that part of us we share with the lower animals. it is characterized by unconsciousness and fear. fear CREATES unconsciousness within us.
the "spiritual nature", being "born again", "sanctity, "enlightenment", is the condition whereupon we consciously integrate every aspect of fear contained in our heritage into conscious transcendence. the fruit of this mode of consciousness is Love.
i'm sure most who read this are thinking "wtf? big deal...not much of an epiphany".
fair enough
i suppose i am just excited because today i fully and absolutely broke free of any and all religious indoctrination. which is huge when you are raised in a climate of fundamentalism and fear.
i can honestly say i no longer give two shits about cosmology, or scriptures, or absolute truths, or even God as some intelligent entity. i am concerned only with Love, and an honest, open relationship with the present moment and all who reside within it.
I love You all and hope that one day humanity learns to act from Love instead of fear.
namaste
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