Emotions from nowhere.

So... I was meditating recently, and, being relatively new to the practice, I had generally just been content to focus on my breathing. Today, however, I decided to attempt to focus my mind on the idea of transience (which, in hindsight, seems paradoxical, but I assure you that the logic was there in the moment :) ). However, to my shock I was suddenly blasted with a wall of negative emotion which, to me at any rate, should have had no connection with what I was thinking about. It was this profound, bottomless despair, the sort I would only imagine feeling if a family member had died or if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I felt like crying out, but in contrast with my usual emotions, I had no perception of where it came from. It literally seemed to be there for no reason, without any cause, or base, or begginning.

Now, I have several theories as to what it might be:

1. Since last year I have been striving not so much to repress all negative emotions but to let them go- that is, even if I feel a flash of annoyance, I simply concentrate on the divine nature which, I beleive, resides within that person and indeed in all of us. So far, this has always made the anger and sadness evaporate, and I have been feeling far happier, healthier, and more holy than any other time in my life. In regards to what I felt while meditating, though; could it be that I am not truly transcending my negative emotions, but am only repressing them? I am reluctant to beleive this because for the past year I have felt so convincingly blissful that it seemed unlikely that my happiness was an illusion. Am I deluding myself about this?

2. I do not generally take a 'mystical' view on affairs such as this, but could be subconciousness be "testing" my resolve to remain happy? Is this sorrow which seemingly has no base simply something which I must learn to confront if I wish to acheive some degree of self-actualization?

Any theories, opinions, or pieces of friendly advice I would be extremely grateful for. Thank-you.


Benjamin

it's obvious that you are possed by a demon.
but seriously i have no idea

If by transience you mean "an impermanence that suggests the inevitability of ending or dying", then it seems obvious what happened. You said you were meditating so it could easily be simply that from focusing on something negative, feeling a negative emotion could have been caused by simply thinking about it. Something similar actually happened to me once. I was lying in bed, not entirely meditating but relaxing, and I decided to will a pleasurable feeling to come over me, so I tried to remember prior good feelings (mastrubation, eating delicious food, lying in bed after a hard day, etc.) and after a while, a wave of contentment hit me. Maybe that's similiar to what happened to you. You could try to recreate the situation and focus on a different but specific emotion to see if you can reproduce it and know for sure that's what it was.

I'd wager the best way to handle that is to experience said emotions, whether "negative" or "positive", with equanimity.

I'm not expert in this field, but I think others have simply called this an emotional block being released, as dramatic as it can feel - its usually a good thing :)

Lots of people who meditate or work on their subtle energy body get this. This shouldn't be confused with a psychosis break down, which leaves the person feeling worse or more disillusioned. If it were psychosis, you wouldn't be lucid enough to also experience it coming from no where. You would just be trapped in it.

If we want to talk about transcending something, you can't transcend something if you are too afraid to experience it. You have a desire to transcend your own fears and sorrows, then you're only asking to fully immerse yourself in your own fears and sorrows and see them for the emptiness they are. This is similar to the black night of the soul, only on a smaller level! If it was the black night of the soul, this experience would last for days, weeks, months, even years.

Focus on the transience of this negativity when it comes up.

My guess is that while you have been letting go of anger and sadness you have been holding on to happiness and the divine nature as you called it. Now I'm not saying go back to being pissed off, what I'm saying is don't get pissed because they're human too and human beings make mistakes and get themselves into all kinds of situations that cause them to do things they wouldn't otherwise do.

If you meet the buddha on the road, kill him, as the saying goes.

This sorrow definitely has some basis, some cause. I would say go back and experience it again. Realize that it too is transient and go into it. Really experience it and see what it's about. Don't be afraid of it, it's only temporary.

Spirituality is not all about being happy and holy and pure. The real spiritual transformation occurs when you can keep up the practice when the shit hits the fan.

Placebo and/or mind over matter.