Humorus opening for a speech on Lucid Dreaming

Next Tuesday on September 27, I will be presenting an informative speech on the wonders of Lucid Dreaming. The only problem I am facing is my professor is requiring every student to open with a humorous statement.

I have been thinking on it for a while, and my mind is blank. So I decided to come to you guys for help. Does anyone have a humorus sentence, idea, or story that I can start off my speech with?

Also, could somone explain to me how to pronounce "LaBerge", as I will be mentioning Stephen LaBerge and his research a few times throughout my speech.

Hmm hard to begin a speech humorus :/

I would pronounce "LaBerge" like LeBerge (you now like the french or something) but that is maybe not correct

Wow that's tough. I would think these guys probably know nothing about lucid dreams (like most people) so the only thing I can think of is maybe or possibly an inception joke. :?

Well I don't quite think this thread fits in the research section.

My thoughts on the matter: Maybe you could start off with describing an odd situation out of an dream without initially revealing it's a dream, then talk about reality checks and the process of becoming aware, in a humorous way of course.
Sorta like: "Did anyone ever experience how it is to encounter a monster of any kind? You might be forgiven to check wether you're dreaming right now, especially if you're really dreaming of course. If you become aware of the fact you're dreaming in a dream, that's an lucid dream... (somehow go on with the speech)"

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Originally Posted by cracked.com

By lucid dreaming, you can gain complete control over the one place that no one will ever care about: your imagination.

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Originally Posted by cracked.com

While some get into lucid dreaming in order to treat chronic nightmares, or to experience all facets of the human experience, approximately 99.8% of people use it as a tool for cheap and interactive 3D porn.

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Originally Posted by cracked.com

In a lucid dream, you can do almost anything. You can leap over skyscrapers, practice public speaking in front of audiences of billions, and even try holding a female's hand, no sedatives required!

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Originally Posted by cracked.com

In order to even begin to get control over your dreams, there are a few preliminary tasks you must complete. But don't give up. The benefits of learning to lucid dream are remarkable, and they're all named Yvonne Strahovski.

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Read more: Lucid Dreaming | Cracked.com.

Walk onto stage naked and say, "Thank god it's only a dream!"

Start by saying, "I went to the moon last night".

Or, engage them early on by a shocking statement Such as: "I had sex with Angelina Jolie last night."

or a question, such as: "Who here would like to destroy the death star?"

This is so weird. I also have an informative speech due on the 27th and am doing it on Lucid Dreaming!! That's so cool.

I'm starting my speech with a personal experience that sounds unreal, that will make them wonder if I'm lying lol, then I'll tell them that suddenly I knew I was dreaming and took off through the air like superman. You could try something like that. Unfortunately, some of my experiences aren't that cool so I might make one up to an extent. I think you could add humor to an experience since anything is possible. Good luck! =)

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While some get into lucid dreaming in order to treat chronic nightmares, or to experience all facets of the human experience, approximately 99.8% of people use it as a tool for cheap and interactive 3D porn.

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I laughed

Use IAmCoder's jokes he found or tell them about a funny lucid dream that you've had.

I also like bobble's idea of walking on to the stage naked lol

Oh.... and it's LaBersh, sort of. The "ge" is more like an "sh". Like a French sounding "ge".

Here's an easy one. Glue a fake lightswitch to the wall the night before, destroy the other one and control the lights via remote control the entire day while hiding in the rafters. Pay six students to come dressed as clowns. You'll also want to hire someone with some background knowledge in theater to handle your fly rig.

So you open up with one of the crappy jokes above right? Everyone thinks that's it, then you go right into how you never really know if you're dreaming, you could be dreaming at any time and the only way to tell is with reality checks. Then have someone check the lights. What? They're stuck on? The clowns begin to dance around whichever student is most afraid of clowns while you fly through the air naked and peeing on everyone.

And you won't get in trouble because they thought they were dreaming.

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Originally Posted by Bobblehat

Or, engage them early on by a shocking statement Such as: "I had sex with Angelina Jolie last night."

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Epic, I think I'm going to borrow this because oddly enough I ALSO am going to be presenting an informative speech on lucid dreaming for my public speaking class in several weeks.

Excellent!

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Originally Posted by Suena

This is so weird. I also have an informative speech due on the 27th and am doing it on Lucid Dreaming!! That's so cool.

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That's great :D
Best of luck to you.

Thank you all very much for the input, I decided to go with Bobblehat's idea.
As of now, I will be opening with this:
"How many of you have visited the moon? Last night I was able to hop aboard a spaceship, fly to the moon, fight off aliens, and I still managed to make it back in time for breakfast. Today I will be informing you all of the wonders of Lucid dreaming."

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Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

Here's an easy one. Glue a fake lightswitch to the wall the night before, destroy the other one and control the lights via remote control the entire day while hiding in the rafters. Pay six students to come dressed as clowns. You'll also want to hire someone with some background knowledge in theater to handle your fly rig.

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Baha, I'll get right to that :P

could you publish the expossition when youve done it and^pm me when its there ,?

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Originally Posted by wana

could you publish the expossition when youve done it and^pm me when its there ,?

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Me too? :3